Rain
by Default Jane
Summary: Helena and Hunnigan have discovered that a rainy day and one shared umbrella can lead to "stranger than fiction"-moments on days when life imitates art. However, moving fast tends to leave you with practically no knowledge of the other's past... and eventually discovering things can be a painful experience.
1. Chapter 1

**Standard disclaimer 1: Everything Resident Evil belongs to Capcom and pals, the rest is mine.**

 **Standard disclaimer 2: Before you tell me "No way that happens in real life" when you reach the "Did you feel that?"-point of the story, I'll have you know it has happened. Not to me (duh), but to a couple I knew. So deal with it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Umbrella**

Hunnigan would've wanted to let the exhausted goddess of vengeance continue her slumber, but she knew she shouldn't. Helena had been asleep almost the entire time since she'd returned from China two days ago with her body on bruises and rocks in her chest, weighing the tired heart down. She was dehydraded, injured in places she hadn't even realized she could possibly injure, hungry, but mostly just... exhausted, emotionally and physically. Hunnigan had indulged her desire to just sleep until now.

She set the tray down on the nightstand and slid into the bed smoothly. Helena lied on her stomach, hugging a pillow that was tucked firmly underneath her chin. Hunnigan pushed a lock of hair aside to reveal Helena's ear and leaned in, softly breathing into it before capturing the lobe between her lips and pinching lightly. Helena's lips curled into a sleepy smile and she let out an approving hum.

"You have to eat something," Hunnigan whispered.

"I know, but just give me five... fifteen... fifty more minutes," Helena mumbled and reached to entwine her fingers with Hunnigan's, pulling the other woman's arm around her and tucking it firmly against her chest.  
"Five minutes," Hunnigan smiled, moving to spoon Helena, nuzzling into the side of Helena's neck.

"If someone had told me two years ago that I'd be here today... Well, frankly, I would've called a lot of the recent events bullshit, but..."  
"Shh..."

"I don't know what I'd do without you anymore," Helena muttered and turned to face Hunnigan.  
"The same thing you always do, you'd figure it out," the older woman said and leaned her forehead against Helena's.

"Well, promise me I won't need to find out."

"I'm not going anywhere," Hunnigan assured and Helena smiled. She then moved lower on the bed, snuggling into Hunnigan's chest and closing her eyes. She'd realized long ago that this was the only place where she felt genuinely at peace and safe.

Truthfully, had someone told Hunnigan two years ago that she'd be here with the agency's problem child today, she too would've been very sceptical. It had been a rainy day almost two years ago when Helena had ducked herself underneath Hunnigan's umbrella, uninvited and without as much as a hello.

 _"Hunnigan, right? You recommended me for the job."_  
 _"Indeed. Your record is impressive despite your indiscretions."_  
 _"Heh, I'm glad someone thinks so."_

She'd walked with Hunnigan all the way to her apartment building, casually and openly chatting about her life, her sister, her possible transfer to the D.S.O. and how it would be convenient because it would mean she wouldn't need to travel abroad for months at a time like she often had to do while still at the CIA.

 _"Okay, I realize this sounds like I'm buttering you up in the hopes of talking you into actually hiring me, but I swear I'm just chatty."  
"You'd be wasting your time even if you were, I've already let my opinion be known and that's as far as my influence on the matter goes anyway."_

Having to travel less would've been nice, she'd wanted to spend more time with Deborah... not that the livewire partygirl Deborah had ever really considered just staying in and hanging out with her sister much fun.

 _"Well, this is me. You wanna come in to dry off for a while? You're welcome to borrow the umbrella for the rest of the way if you want."_

In all honesty, the rest of the way was barely a block from Hunnigan's building and Helena was already half drenched anyway, she could've just gone on... but she'd accepted the invitation. The moment they'd entered the apartment and closed the door behind them, something had... shifted.

 _"...did you feel that?"_ Helena had asked and Hunnigan had swallowed hard. She _had_ felt it. She still had no word for it, no explanation, nothing that would've helped her describe the feeling exactly or justify her and Helena's actions... other than pleading temporary insanity perhaps.

 _"Yes."_

Not a second later from her response, Helena's arms had been around Hunnigan, their lips interlocked in a passionate kiss as Hunnigan led them toward the bedroom, leaving behind a trail of clothes as they'd hastily undressed as they went.

Helena was by far the most passionate lover she'd ever had and knowing Helena's temper, it wasn't really a surprise. Less temperamental people were of course safe and easier to deal with, but the cost was passion. Safe as they were, they were often also predictable and somewhat boring, at least as far as Hunnigan could say. Helena on the other hand knew when to flip her around and pin her down, when to bite rather than merely nibble, when to claw rather than merely scratch.

All in all, it was uncharacteristic behavior for both of them really, but especially for Hunnigan and especially since Helena was a potential co-worker. What could she say, temporary insanity was her only defense. One other strange aspect about the whole thing was how natural it felt. There'd been no awkwardness afterward, no regrets either, it all just felt... right. Helena had slowly begun to integrate into Hunnigan's life and vice versa.

Work was work and the only spoken promise and contract between them was that they'd keep their personal lives strictly separate from their professional life. Considering how easily so many people before them had failed at it, Hunnigan had pessimisticly expected things to eventually fall apart because of that, but Helena had surprised her once again.

Helena was a lot of things, but above everything, she was reliable and loyal. If she said she'd be somewhere or do you a favor, she'd be there and she'd do it. Something as simple as "I'll pick you up at location x at time x" didn't seem like a big deal... until you were repeatedly stood up and left to take care of yourself despite someone having promised to be your safety net. For the first time in her life, Hunnigan found herself not needing to make a plan B _when_ the other person inevitably let her down. It had taken a lot of getting used to. As much as she did trust Helena, there was something that bothered her.

"Helena?"  
"My fifty minutes aren't up yet," Helena murmured.

"Five minutes, and yes they are. I want you to tell me something."  
"Something," Helena parroted dutifully and Hunnigan chuckled.

"I'm serious, you brat," she then said and Helena opened her eyes.  
"All right, what is it?"

"When everything went down in the first place, why didn't you come to me? Don't you trust me?"

"Ah," Helena breathed and ran a hand over her face, "It isn't about trust, I trust you with my life, you know that. But you gotta admit, it all did sound kind of far-fetched if you weren't there personally like I was," she explained and Hunnigan nodded slowly.

"And if I'd told you, I would've put you in danger too. I figured I'd... do what I had to and deal with the consequences later, but... I don't know, I wasn't really thinking straight for obvious reasons, but I was just trying to protect you."

"Okay," Hunnigan nodded again, and she meant it.

She sat up and leaned her back against the headboard of the bed before reaching to grab a glass of water from the tray she'd brought with her earlier. Silently, she handed it over to Helena who downed the cool drink, only now becoming aware of how thirsty and hungry she actually was. Hunnigan then handed her the plate with the food on it and Helena quirked an eyebrow.

"A little heavy for breakfast," she smirked as she accepted the plate of lasagna that was getting cold.  
"It's six in the evening and you specifically asked for lasagna the last time you were awake long enough to mutter a word," Hunnigan narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her stomach, "If you don't want it, I'm sure Catnip will have it."

"No, it's mine!" Helena pouted, moving to shield her food with her arms and growled a little. Hunnigan rolled her eyes and got out of bed.

"Speaking of, I gotta take him for a walk."  
"Have I told you think you have a strange sense of humor?" Helena inquired then, blatantly ignoring good manners and speaking with her mouth full.

"It would be even stranger if I had a pet mouse and I'd named it Catnip," Hunnigan grinned and let out a short whistle. The black and white Boston terrier named Catnip snorted and snuffled eagerly as he scampered toward his mistress, his claws clicking on the floor.

"I bet of you had a cat, you'd name it Fido or Rover."

"Nonsense, I'd just call it Dog," Hunnigan shrugged innocently as she put the leash on Catnip and began heading out with him.

"I dread to imagine what you'd name your children!" Helena called out after her.

"One, Two, and so on based on the order in which they arrived!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Tuesday morning**

* * *

"This is my favorite sight of you," Helena murmured happily as she entered the kitchen in the morning. She stood at the door, leaning to the frame and took a moment to just admire the other woman as she stood in the ray of sunlight that was pouring in from the window, tinting her with a soft, warm glow.

"What, me with no make up, my hair in tangles, my eyes barely open?" Hunnigan inquired over her shoulder and Helena chuckled, shaking her head a little.

"No, you with your hair in a sexy mess and you wearing nothing but my shirt," Helena corrected, "But why are you wearing my shirt anyway?"

"Because you're a couple of inches taller which means your shirts tend to be just a bit longer than mine... which means that your shirt covers all the necessary parts of my body, effectively blocking the view for the dude from the building across the street."

"If you know he's there, why won't you just draw the curtains or wear pants?" Helena questioned, her eyebrow quirking.  
"Because I happen to like the sunlight and because honestly, who the hell wants to wear pants unless they absolutely have to?"

"Well, yeah, but since you're aware of being in a fish bowl and you choose not to wear pants, you can't blame people for looking," Helena commented and Hunnigan chuckled.  
"I wasn't blaming anyone, I was just explaining to you the reason why I wear your shirts," she shrugged innocently.

"Well, I don't mind, in fact I love it when you wear my shirts because they smell of you afterward," Helena said then and moved to stand behind Hunnigan, wrapping her arms around her midsection and kissed the side of her neck.

"So, how are you feeling?" Hunnigan inquired then. Helena seemed remarkably calm considering the situation, but she wasn't generally the type to show concern... for herself anyway.

"I guess I'm okay, all things considered. Ready to face the music. What about you, how are you dealing with my impending life in prison?" Helena asked then, managing to sound light-hearted almost convincingly. Hunnigan sighed deeply.

"You're not going to prison," she said and Helena scoffed amusedly.  
"I doubt they'll pat me on the back and give me a medal either. What I did is considered treason, the standard punishment for that is still life in prison, isn't it?"

"Well, if the investigating commission for some reason doesn't take all the extenuating circumstances as seriously as they should, we'll just get you a lawyer and appeal."  
"I appreciate your optimism, but it's okay, I've come to terms with this. What I really wanted to tell you is that when I go to prison..."

"If," Hunnigan interjected, rolling her eyes at Helena's defiant and stubborn pessimism.

"...I don't want you to think that you have to wait around for me, you know?" Helena continued, ignoring Hunnigan's increasing unwillingness to continue this line of conversation.  
"You're not getting rid of me that easily," Hunnigan responded then and turned around in Helena's arms, reaching to slip her own over Helena's shoulders and leaned to kiss her softly.

"I'm not trying to, but I don't think that I'll have a say in it this time," Helena murmured into the kiss and Hunnigan pulled back letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Okay, how about this; if you end up in prison, I'll visit you every chance I get for the rest of our lives just so that you can tell me 'I told you so'."

"And if I don't go to prison?" Helena quirked an eyebrow.

"You'll have to move in with me so that I get to tell you 'I told you so' the first thing every single morning," Hunnigan smirked.

"I could live with that," the younger woman chuckled.  
"Good, then go pack," Hunnigan poked her tongue out at her and turned back around, grabbing the pot of coffee and pouring a generous amount of the hot beverage into a travel mug before proceeding to get ready to head out. She'd need to make an appearance in front of the commission in an hour and she sincerely prayed the evidence brought back from China, and her and Leon's testimony would be enough to convince them of Helena's innocense.

* * *

"Leon!" Helena called out turning around. He raised his glance just a second before she tossed an item to him and he caught it.

"For the next time you see her," Helena smiled sweetly and he turned to look at the item in his hand. Ada's compact.

"Hmh, women," he chuckled and followed Helena and Hunnigan toward the cars waiting for them.

"So... back to work?" Helena mumbled, sounding a bit doubtful, as if still expecting something bad to happen.

"Well, you and Leon both went through hell recently so you're on furlough for the next two weeks, but after that... pretty much, yeah," Hunnigan nodded and got in the car. Helena took a seat next to her and inhaled, obviously about to say something before leaving it unsaid only to inhale with the same intent again, still not uttering a word.

"What's wrong?" Hunnigan frowned.

"I'm just... shocked. I was so certain I'd... I don't know what to think right now. I need a drink."

"I think I'd like one too," Leon commented over his shoulder from the front seat and Hunnigan chuckled.

"I'm sure that can be arranged," she said.


	3. Chapter 3

"So... don't think I didn't notice you never technically answered my question," Leon grinned at Helena as they sat at a table at a small corner pub near the HQ, Leonsipping a pint as Helena took a taste of her rum and coke. Hunnigan had excused herself and headed home, informing the two agents she had a lot of paperwork to sort out and a dog to feed.

"Which one exactly? You asked a lot of questions," Helena smirked.  
"The first ones, namely how you knew my name, and how you and Hunnigan know each other."

"Well, what's there to tell?" Helena dismissed and Leon chuckled.

"She laughs louder at your jokes than she does at mine, I'm jealous," he teased and Helena rolled her eyes, smiling at him. She was fairly certain he had no idea Hunnigan had told many amusing tales of his flirting. Granted, Helena admitted Leon was probably doing it on purpose, she doubted anyone was actually as clumsy at flirting as he'd pretended to be.

 _"I like my women like I like my coffee, in a porcelain mug,"_ was quite a memorable line though, Helena admitted. Somewhat disturbing, but memorable.

"Maybe you just need to learn better jokes," she shrugged, "And seriously, what the hell was the sewer-comment? 'Not a fan of sewers?', like I'm supposed to enjoy running around in sewers," she continued, a sceptical eyebrow quirking.

"Okay, I admit, that was pretty bad," Leon chuckled, having no explanation for the odd comment either.  
"Well, to finally answer your questions, she and I know each other intimately and I knew your name because I've heard horror stories of your horrid flirting, so there," Helena shrugged.

"Horrid! I respectfully disagree with that remark," Leon scoffed and took a sip of his beer before continuing, "So, how long have you two been involved?"

"Practically the entire time I've known her," Helena laughed awkwardly, not wanting to go into details of how quickly things had actually escalated. Leon merely quirked an eyebrow, not commenting or requesting for further details despite being curious. If there was anything he'd learned of Helena during the short time he'd known her, it was that she was definitely not the type to disclose much details even if asked.

"Did you know that she has a dog named Catnip?"  
"Oh, now that's just wrong!" Leon shook his head.

"I think so too!" Helena agreed. They were silent for a while, Leon intently staring at Helena until she finally frowned at him.  
"What?"

"I was just trying to imagine you two as a couple. I kind of can't see it at first because... well, I've known Hunnigan for almost ten years and based on what I know of her, I wouldn't necessarily think you're her type," Leon explained himself and Helena quirked an eyebrow.

"And just how well do you know her?" she smirked.  
"...obviously not as well as I thought," Leon then admitted after pondering on it for a moment. Truthfully, he knew almost nothing of Hunnigan on a personal level, she rarely spoke of herself or her personal life.

"Well, in all honesty, I wouldn't necessarily think of myself as her type either if I didn't know better. Considering how different we fundamentally are, it's amazing how well-attuned we are," Helena commented then.  
"Yeah, you're the plate smashing-type, she's the silent treatment-type," Leon smirked and Helena rolled her eyes.

He wasn't wrong exactly. While Helena didn't go around destroying dishes, she was likely to take her wrath out on an inanimate objects that happened to be conveniently nearby at the moment. And when it came to arguing, Hunnigan was the uncrowned queen of passive-aggressive behavior. Helena would've actually preferred having dishes thrown at her than the silence and the feeling of discomfort caused by what felt like her heart imploding in her chest, an emotion that came with knowing that Hunnigan was angry at her.

They didn't argue very often, but when they did, it was horrible because Hunnigan could drag it out for days and go on apparently unaffected, she could function like she normally would. Helena on the other hand was the opposite type, unable to concentrare properly on anything because she was so bothered by what was happening. Distracted, expecting a message or a call, anything that would either hint at finally being able to settle the argument... or something that would escalate it to the point where even Hunnigan wouldn't be able to just silently sulk, but would have to argue and clear the air.

While Hunnigan was the one who could drag the arguments out, Helena was the one who had difficulties recovering from them. "Fight about it, talk about it, get over it and move on" wasn't an option for her because the feeling of everything not being all right lingered for a while afterward. Hell, just thinking about it made her feel like she had some kind of a rodent chewing away at her sternum.

"Actually, she mutters at me in French because she knows that not being able to understand the things she calls me really annoys me," Helena finally commented with a light chuckle.  
"I didn't know she knows how to speak French," Leon mumbled into his pint and Helena giggled a little at him.

"And why would you have known?" she shrugged, emptying her glass and heading to order another and a second pint for Leon as well.  
"Thanks, I'll owe ya," he smiled as he accepted the pint.

"Well, there is a favor I'd like to ask," Helena began slowly as she sat back down.  
"Sure, I'll help if I can- wait, what do you need help with, don't tell me you're..."

"Yes, I'm moving," Helena chuckled.  
"Aw, shit. Well, you better not have a piano."

* * *

"Oh, crap," Helena muttered as she stumbled over Catnip's toy newspaper and it squeaked loudly. She lost her balance and would've fallen face first if it weren't for reflexes and muscle memory saving her and helping her manage an almost graceful landing. She got back up, kicked her shoes off and snuck into the bedroom.

Helena undressed and slipped into the bed, trying not to wake Hunnigan, unaware that the other woman had already been awake since Helena's initial stumble into the apartment... after having spent an unreasonably long time trying to fit the key into the lock... and then starting over after realizing she'd been trying to enter with the key to her own apartment instead of Hunnigan's key.

"Did you have fun?" Hunnigan inquired amusedly.  
"Uh-huh. Sorry I woke you."

"It's okay."  
"This isn't my fauly, I was overserved."

"Yeah, and you're a lightweight."  
"My secret shame!" Helena exclaimed dramatically. Hunnigan laughed softly and pulled Helena close, resting her cheek on the top of the younger woman's head as Helena snuggled into Hunnigan's neck.

"Oh, I tricked- er, I mean I recruited Leon to help me move in. That is if the deal is still on," Helena then said.  
"It is," Hunnigan assured with a soft chuckle and ran her fingers through Helena's hair, leaving them to lightly caress the back of Helena's neck then.

"I love you," Helena snuffled sleepily.  
"I love you too. Get some rest," Hunnigan whispered.

* * *

Times like this morning were when Hunnigan became consciously aware of the age difference between herself and Helena. Usually she thought nothing of it; Helena was nearly a decade younger, but most of the time she was so responsible, serious and grown up, the years between were barely noticeable. However, when Helena scuffed into the kitchen, dressed only in her underwear, digging remnants of last night's mascara from the corner of her eye, and still managed to look almost fresh and completely not hungover, Hunnigan became aware of her youth.

A decade ago she herself could've pulled the same off. Hell, in her early twenties, she'd spent numerous nights out drinking excessively until four in the morning and had still managed to get to work by nine without a hint of a hangover. Not something she could do now... not that she would've wanted to either; in the past few years she'd realized overindulging was not really worth the effort anymore.

 _"Well, you're only as old as the woman you're feeling,"_ Helena had said the one time they'd discussed their age difference.  
 _"So, you're thirty-three?"  
"Smartass."_

"I'm starving," Helena yawned, "Drunk-Helena was supposed to feed me, but Drunk-Helena spent all her cash at the bar and forgot that she's still technically dead... because you did a very convincing job faking my death, my bank still believes it, so the ATM ate my card and now I literally have no money... so, could you feed me, please-thank you?" she requested then and went to sit at the kitchen table.

"Oh, crap, that's what I forgot!" Hunnigan smacked her palm over her forehead.  
"You forgot to resurrect me? How could you!" Helena pouted.

"I'm sorry, it's been a busy couple of days."  
"I had no idea being declared dead could be this inconvenient. Considering how hard faking one's death supposedly is, I'm amazed no one believes I live."

"For your information, it _is_ hard, you're considered dead only because I am damn good at my job."  
"What a strange thing to take pride in," Helena chuckled.

"Don't worry, I'll fix it as soon as possible. You're free to use my card in the meantime," Hunnigan offered.  
"Thanks, I'll pay you back when I'm alive again."

"You don't need to," Hunnigan shrugged, "Especially when considering you're moving in, we might as well combine some of our finances to jointly cover the living expenses."  
"Sounds good to me," Helena agreed and got up, moving to peek over Hunnigan's shoulder and stare into the pot on the stove.

"What's cookin', Doc? It smells good."  
"It's, uh... a pig's heart... for the dog."

"Oh," Helena deadpanned, "...well, it still smells kinda good."  
"You really must be hungry."


	4. Chapter 4

"Y'know, instead of just standing there pretending to rearrange things, you could actually help," Leon huffed as he shouldered a part of the bookshelf and began carrying it toward the door.  
"And risk breaking a nail? Forget it," Hunnigan taunted and continued sorting Helena's books into boxes.

"Don't worry, this is the last trip and then we're done, and then we'll reward you handsomely," Helena comforted.  
"Pft, for the amount of work you've had me to, you owe me a six-pack, a steak, and a threesome," Leon grumbled.

"You can have the steak and the beer, but as far as the threesome goes, all you get is my sincerest assurance that if I were to ever have a threesome again, you'd be on the top of my list to be invited to join as the third wheel," Hunnigan promised. Leon swiveled around and put the bookshelf down.

"Again?" he and Helena exclaimed in unison and Hunnigan frowned.  
"Oh, don't act so surprised, who hasn't had a threesome?" she shrugged.

"I haven't," Leon and Helena said, once again in unison and Hunnigan raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat awkwardly.  
"I gotta go be somewhere else," she then said, attempting to hastily escape from the awkward situation she'd gotten herself into, but Helena gripped her arm.

"Oooh, no you don't," she chuckled and Hunnigan sighed.

"Augh, it was a very typical case of teenage fumbling. Frankly, I spent the majority of the time sitting on the edge of the bed twiddling my thumbs while my friend and her boyfriend had it off. Overall, it was a very boring and disappointing experience, and that's all I've got to say about that," Hunnigan shared reluctantly.

"Welp, the mental image I had was way better than that story," Leon commented, grabbed the bookshelf again and continued carrying it to the moving van.

"Told you."

* * *

"Oh, girlier than what I'd expected," Leon muttered.  
"Are you seriously going through my underwear!" Helena exclaimed.

"You told me to be useful and unpack something!"  
"Not my damn panties!" Helena hissed and snatched the duffle bag from Leon.

"I didn't freaking know it was full of your undies, it's not see-through, you know!" he rolled his eyes, "Unlike these," he then added, dangling a pair of lacy underwear between his thumb and index finger.

"If you like them so much, get your own," Helena narrowed her eyes at him and took the piece of clothing from him.  
"Well, they do look kinda comfortable, actually," Leon shrugged and Helena shuddered at the mental image.

"Play nice, girls," Hunnigan taunted as she emerged from the kitchen with a couple of cold beers and handed them to Leon and Helena.

"Do you need a hand with dinner?" Helena then inquired, changing the subject. She was the first to admit her skills in the kitchen left a lot to be desired, but she knew a thing or two and managed quite well, as long as she remembered that not everyone wanted their food as overcooked as she did. Helena's philosophy was that if it wasn't burnt, it wasn't done.

"No, but I still wouldn't mind one," Hunnigan smirked and the trio headed into the kitchen. Leon sipped his beer and took a seat at the table, watching the two women. He hadn't quite been able to imagine the two of them as a couple, but seeing the way they moved with and around each other, effortlessly and with such ease it all looked almost like a well-rehearsed play, he had to admit he found witnessing their interactions was actually quite pleasant.

"Why don't we do this more often?" Leon pondered then once dinner has been served and he was eagerly digging into his steak.  
"Do what, feed you?" Hunnigan taunted.

"Ha! Well, I wouldn't object to that either, but I meant hanging out like this, as friends."  
"Because you never expressed much interest toward hanging out like this, as friends," Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"Neither did you," Leon countered, twisting his mouth into a pout.  
"Yeah, because I was genuinely concerned you'd take it the wrong way, I didn't want to risk breaking your heart by having to tell you that it wasn't a date," Hunnigan taunted.

"I think it's because you were worried you'd fall in love with me," he turned it around and Hunnigan chuckled softly.  
"Yes, that's it, I can barely contain myself around you and your shameless flirts," she played along, fanning herself with her hand.

"Excuse me, I'm right here!" Helena finally interjected.  
"Don't worry, there's plenty of Leon Scott Kennedy to go around," he wiggled his eyebrows at her.  
"Oh, Jesus," Helena groaned and Hunnigan laughed.

"Jokes aside... here's to friends," Leon then toasted, raising his beer a little and the women joined in, clinking their bottles against his.

Quite frankly, Helena didn't have all that many friends. Most of the people she socialized with on a daily basis were her colleagues and when they headed out for a drink after work, she wasn't asked to join. Not that she would've gone anyway, but it would've been nice to get asked at least. The few people she knew that were not her colleagues had been more Deborah's friends than hers. She hadn't been surprised when she hadn't heard anything from them after the funeral, she knew herself to be... an acquired taste.

Once dinner was over, Leon began to head home.

"Thanks for the dinner, ladies," he smiled when they stood in the foyer, and he reached to kiss them both goodnight.

"And thanks for not slobbering all over my shoes," he then said to Catnip and reached to pet his head, eliciting a loud, appreciative snort from the friendly dog.

"Are you seriously going to do the dishes now?" Hunnigan questioned once Leon had exited and Helena headed back into the kitchen.  
"You can be such a slob sometimes, you know that?" Helena teased.

"I'm not a slob, I'd just rather wait until the sink's full before bothering with the dishes."  
"Yes, after which you still don't do them, you let them soak for half a week... or longer if there are still any clean dishes left and room on the counter tops for you to pile them on," Helena listed.

"I have a childhood trauma regarding this particular chore, don't judge."  
"What, your mother tried to drown you in the sink or something?" the younger woman taunted and Hunnigan narrowed her eyes.

"My grandmother insisted we do the dishes after Christmas dinner, every year. No one was allowed to open their presents until the dishes were done."

"Huuuaaa," Helena inhaled loudly, "that monster!" she then exclaimed dramatically.  
"I know, right? So... since you've already got the dishes covered, I'm gonna go unpack more of your stuff so it won't clutter up the place forever. See, I'm not a slob, I prefer tidy things as much as the next person," Hunnigan smirked, kissed Helena's cheek and headed into the living room.

Helena chuckled softly to herself and got to work. Out of all the ways she'd imagined her relationship with Hunnigan would turn out, this had not been on the list of things she'd been able to see coming. Frankly, she hadn't really even dared to hope their relationship would grow much beyond that one night (well, afternoon and night to be precise) of passion. If anything, she'd expected to awkwardly collect her clothes the morning after and make a less than gracious exit.

Instead, she'd found herself being invited to stay over for breakfast which, also contrary to what she'd expected, hadn't been awkward or uncomfortable. It had just felt... right. So she'd stayed and appreciating the odd humor in doing things in the wrong order, she'd asked Hunnigan on an actual date. Hunnigan had agreed despite voicing out some reservations regarding dating someone as young as Helena, but she'd also admitted that obviously, Helena was an exception.

 _No regrets,_ Helena mused to herself, realizing that the very beginning of her relationship with Hunnigan was one of the very rare few (if not the only) rash decisions she did not regret one bit.

"Great timing, I found something interesting!" Hunnigan announced when Helena entered the living room.  
"My stash?" Helena muttered almost inadibly.

"...no, but we'll talk about _that_ later."  
"Not _that_ kind of stash! I meant my po- er... my stash of tasteful, sensual erotica," Helena stuttered and Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"And when were you planning on sharing this stash of tasteful, sensual erotica with me?" she questioned, managing to sound almost like she was genuinely insulted that Helena had held out on her.

"...preferably never, but on our tenth anniversary at the earliest if I had no other choice," the younger woman smirked, "So, what did you really find?" she asked then.

"This!" Hunnigan said and held up a _I love Lucy_ DVD box.

"Oh, I forgot I had that!" Helena chuckled, "While your grandmother was forcing you to do the dishes, mine was forcing me to watch this with her. I saw the box on sale and forgot about it since I never had the time to watch it."

"Well, I know what we're doing the rest of the evening... after we've walked Catnip."

* * *

Catnip strutted dutifully beside his mistress, occasionally pausing to investigate something that caught his attention. Helena walked on the other side of Hunnigan and glanced over her. Smiling, she reached to take Hunnigan's hand into her own and the other woman allowed her fingers to be entwined with Helena's.

"Who would've thought we'd end up here, huh?" Helena asked.  
"I know."

"Any regrets?"  
"Of course not."

"Not even when I annoy you with my terrible temper and road rage and nagging about things like the dishes and..." Helena listed and Hunnigan chuckled softly.

"Your temper is... well, not pleasant exactly, but not unpleasant either, it's... _Je ne sais quoi._ You're a very passionate woman, Helena, and as the boring person that _I_ can be, I need someone like you."

"Well, I'm glad me and my temper are of some use," Helena chuckled.

"A relationship between two passive-aggressive bores would be nothing but a perpetual rut, likewise I'd imagine that if two people with a bad temper get together, it'll eventually end up in tears and injuries. While I'm not sure I wholeheartedly agree with statements like 'opposites attract', I do think we balance each other out well," Hunnigan explained.

"What a romantic way to put it," Helena teased.

"You know how I mean it," Hunnigan said and bumped her shoulder into Helena's with soft force to emphasize her point. She glanced up when the first few drops of rain began to fall and within seconds, it escalated into a downpour. Catnip let out a few disgruntled barks and quickly turned around, heading back toward home.

"I think he has the right idea," Helena commented, tightened her grip on Hunnigan's hand and began jogging beside Catnip, Hunnigan following half a step behind, both of them laughing at the sheer silliness of running down the street in the rain, hand in hand like a pair of giddy teenagers, loving every second of it.


	5. Chapter 5

"For fuck's sake, Hunnigan! It's not like I did this intentionally!" Helena sighed.

"No, but you should've paid more attention!" Hunnigan snapped and Helena had to agree; she should've noticed the stupid dog was apparently attempting suicide by devouring the half-eaten chocolate bar Helena had forgotten on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry, what more do you want from me? What more can I even do?" Helena inquired in exasperation.  
"I don't need you to be sorry, I need you to start taking others into consideration and stop leaving dangerous shit lying around!"

"Well, I didn't stop to think that chocolate was dangerous!"  
"It is in this household, and I wasn't talking just about the chocolate, I meant your gun too!"

"I highly doubt Catnip has what it takes to use the gun," Helena quirked and eyebrow and Hunnigan deadpanned for a moment, unsure if the younger woman was trying to make a joke at a terrible time or if she seriously didn't realize what Hunnigan's point was.

"...I'm sure he doesn't, but my niece definitely has. The last thing I need is her getting a hold of your gun just because you couldn't be bothered to put it away properly!"

"Shannon never brings Emily to visit here because she's a lazy bitch, you always go see her, so it's hardly an issue," Helena rolled her eyes. Though, she had to admit that if the six year old ever did get a hold of Helena's gun, her mother would finally have an excuse to go apeshit on Helena.

From the very first time she'd met Helena, Shannon had been just waiting for an excuse to taze her, and the feeling was mutual. Helena couldn't define what exactly it was that irked them about each other so much, but it had been instantaneous hatred at first sight for no apparent reason.

"Not the frickin' point, Helena!"  
"Well, what more do you want, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, won't happen again, okay!" the younger woman yelled in frustration and raised her hand to run it through her hair. As she moved, she noticed something.

"...did you just flinch?" she frowned.  
"What?" Hunnigan scoffed.

"You flinched, like you were expec..." Helena trailed off and Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"You thought I was gonna hit you!" Helena exclaimed, sounding genuinely insulted at the implication. The other woman didn't comment, merely offered a dismissive shrug of one shoulder and returned her attention to Catnip. He'd be feeling sick for a while, but the vet had said he'd be okay.

"Hey..." Helena muttered and sat down onto the floor next to Hunnigan by the dog's bed, her agitation replaced by genuine pain of realizing Hunnigan seriously thought she'd be capable of hurting her.  
"You know I would never do anything like that... don't you?" she frowned.

"Yeah. It was just a reflex," Hunnigan dismissed unconvincingly. Helena sighed and turned to face Hunnigan, leaning to rest her chin on Hunnigan's shoulder, reaching to gently wrap her arms around her midsection.

"Can we not do this? I hate it when we fight," Helena whispered and nudged Hunnigan's ear with the tip of her nose, "And I'm sorry, you're right; I should've paid more attention and I should realize I don't live alone anymore and can't just leave stuff lying around," she then added.

"I forgive you," Hunnigan muttered, but Helena wasn't entirely convinced. However, she knew this was as much as she'd get for now. Hunnigan needed to sulk for a day at least before she'd let this go, Helena knew her well enough to know that.

"I'm gonna..." Helena began, but cut herself off. She'd been about to say that she was gonna head home and give Hunnigan some space, but realized then that _this_ was her home now.

"I'm gonna go for a walk," she then said and got up slowly. Hunnigan didn't comment, instead she just pet Catnip's head slowly as the poor pooch panted heavily, undoubtedly still feeling very sick.

* * *

Helena crossed her leg over the other and leaned back on the bench by the park. She'd been walking around for an hour or two before pausing to buy a coffee and sitting down now to drink it.

 _Well, at least it's not raining,_ she mused as she sipped the hot beverage.

Helena hated having a temper, it was embarrassing to just lose it and go off on a rant over something that seemed like it was nothing, leaving people around her going "well, she's just crazy". Or, alternatively, tip toeing around her, afraid to ever say what was really on their mind because they worried she'd get mad.

Helena was the first to admit that she came across as someone who would not hesitate to hit another person out of sheer frustration, but realizing Hunnigan expected that of her still hurt. She should know Helena better, she should know she would never.

Helena emptied the coffee mug and put it in the trash. As she was doing that, she noticed a familiar face across the street and raised her hand in a greeting. Leon noticed her too as he was about to bite into the hot dog he'd bought from a vendor just a moment before, and the look that crossed his face made Helena think of a deer caught in headlights.

"You're allowed to eat a hot dog, no need to look so guilty," she chuckled as she made her way to him.  
"Huh?" his eyebrows rose.

"God, the line was ridiculous," a beautiful blue-eyed brunette huffed as she arrived from the nearby restaurant with a bag of take away. Helena could've sworn the usually so flirty and playboyish man actually blushed a little when the woman linked her arm with his. Both she and Helena stared at him for a while, expecting him to make the introductions, but he didn't get the hint.

"Helena Harper," she introduced herself and offered a handshake.  
"Claire Redfield," the brunette responded and took Helena's offer.

"Any relation to Chris?" Helena asked, wondering why Leon seemed so uncomfortable. Surely he wasn't embarrassed to be seen with Claire, the woman was gorgeous. Perhaps he was afraid Helena would blurt something about Ada.

"Yeah, he's my brother," Claire nodded with a smile.

 _Well, if I were dating Chris's sister and had a little boy crush on Ada, I'd be scared too,_ Helena mused then.

"Hold onto this while I go to the drug store, won't you?" Claire then said and handed the food to Leon.  
"Sure," he muttered.

"Be back in a bit," Claire promised and leaned to give him a kiss before turning to head toward the store.

"It's not what you think," Leon said before Helena had a chance to make any comments.  
"Then why do you look like the devil just grabbed you by the balls?"

"Because it's complicated."  
"You say that about all the women in your life," Helena quirked an eyebrow and Leon chuckled. Well, it was true.

"Claire and I met in Raccoon city way back when shit hit the fan big time. An experience like that bonds you with another person, you know? Sometimes we hang out and talk about things no one who wasn't there would never understand."

"I get it," Helena said softly.  
"Don't get me wrong, I love her, but it's not... like _that_."

"You love her, but you're not _in_ love with her."

"Yeah, exactly. And before you give me a lecture about being a womanizer, I'll have you know she feels the same way, so..."  
"So, you're friends with benefits, I'm not judging," Helena shrugged and Leon sighed. That wasn't exactly how he would've put it either, saying it like that made it sound somehow... tawdry, and it wasn't. Deciding he couldn't really describe his relationship with Claire any better, he changed the subject.

"So, Hunnigan let you out or did you escape?" he taunted.  
"I poisoned her dog to distract her and made a run for it," Helena said and Leon quirked an eyebrow and she sighed.

"I really did poison her dog. Kind of. It was an accident, I left chocolate on the table and the slobbering idiot ate it, so he's either suicidal or too dumb to realize it could kill him."

"Ah, dogs. They can be kinda stupid that way," Leon agreed.  
"As you can imagine, Hunnigan was livid," Helena continued and went to explain the entire argument and where it had ended in. Leon pursed his lips and shrugged a little.

"Well, in her defense, the common reaction to someone coming at you is to flinch. Or throw a punch."  
"I wasn't 'going at her', I was doing this," Helena argued and proceeded to run a hand through her hair to demonstrate.

"Yeah, but still, considering what happened with Dean, it's not surprising."  
"Who?" Helena frowned deeply.

"Dean," Leon repeated and a slow, victorious grin spread onto his lips when he realized he knew something about Hunnigan that Helena didn't.

"Look, you should ask her, it's not my place to tell. Besides, I've got a date," he smirked, said goodbye and went to Claire as she emerged from the store. Leon put his arm around her waist and she mimicked his gesture, easing into the same pace of his footsteps as they walked. Helena had to admit, they would've made a cute couple. It was a shame a huge chunk of Leon's heart seemed to belong to someone who didn't fully appreciate it.

"Dean," Helena muttered to herself and decided to heed Leon's advice.


	6. Chapter 6

Hunnigan had dozed off on the couch, Catnip lying at her feet, drooling in his sleep like he always did. Helena reached to lightly trace Hunnigan's eyebrow and leaned over to kiss her forehead softly then. Hunnigan tilted her head back, moving to seek out Helena's lips with her own and kissed her.

"I'm glad you're back," she mumbled into the kiss sleepily.  
"Really?" Helena inquired, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Of course I am," Hunnigan said and sat up to make room for Helena. The younger woman accepted the invitation and took a seat.  
"I'm sorry I got so mad at you, I know it was an accident and I shouldn't have over reacted."

"No, you have a point, I should pay more attention, and I'm sorry too. I will not apologize for calling Shannon a bitch, though."  
"Hah, I wouldn't ask you to, because you're not wrong about that," Hunnigan chuckled softly.

"Why does she hate my guts, what did I ever do to her?"

Frankly, Hunnigan's older sister was one of those "Real housewives of location X"-type of women, sans the plastic surgery... for now anyway. The woman was powered almost solely by vodka, cocktail onions, and her hatred toward Helena. The excessive drinking hardly brought out the sunnier side of her either (if she even had a sunnier side to begin with). Hunnigan was certain that if someone would lock Helena and Shannon alone in a room together, one of them would be dead within five seconds.

"You're younger, prettier, and have naturally bigger boobs, that's all the reason she needs to hate your guts," Hunnigan dismissed.

"Oh, thank you," Helena chuckled. They were quiet for a while before Helena decided to mention she'd met Leon. Hunnigan listened to her, slowly becoming aware of the inevitable question as she realized where the story was going.

"Dean is... an older, genderbent version of you, except he has even less impulse control than you do," Hunnigan explained slowly, offering a rueful lopsided smile.  
"So, I take it he did more than put you over his knee and spanked you," Helena said, leaning back and crossed her arms over her stomach.

"Yeah," was all Hunnigan had to say to that, her fingers instinctively rising to feel the barely noticeable scar at the tip of her left eyebrow – the only visible permanent mark Dean had left on her; the rest of her injuries were the internal kind... and most of them not physical.

"Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because knowing you, I figured you'd track him down and kill him," Hunnigan said, her tone joking but both of them knowing Helena actually doing that was well within the realm of possibility.

"In all seriousness, it's hardly a story worth repeating," Hunnigan scoffed, "Besides, it's embarrassing."  
"What have you got to be embarrassed about?" Helena frowned, sitting back up staight and turning to look at Hunnigan.

"Staying with him despite everything was pretty stupid and therefore embarrassing. Not to mention I loathe the idea of being labeled a victim."  
"But you were a-"

"I don't care if technically I was," Hunnigan interrupted impatiently, "I don't want to carry that label around with me, you know? And the last thing I want is to have people look at me with pity... like you're doing now," she muttered and Helena cleared her throat awkwardly.

"You do know it wasn't your fault, right?" she asked then.

"Oh, for the love of God, Helena," the older woman sighed deeply and slumped back on the couch, running a hand over her face.

"Don't give me _The Speech_ , of course I know that if your fella beats you up because you got the pizza order wrong, it's more likely there's something wrong with him, not you," she rolled her eyes.

"Why did you stay with him?" Helena frowned.

"Why does anyone stay with someone who abuses them?" Hunnigan shrugged, the answer should've been kind of obvious. Because of love. Because of blindly believing the promises of it never happening again despite said promise having been broken several times before. Because of sheer stubbornness and desire to make things work even when they obviously didn't. Because the rare times things actually did go well, they were better than good no matter how brief those moments were. Because of all the redeeming qualities she'd convinced herself he had, even if the reality wasn't quite as forgiving.

 _...because of all the same reasons I'd forgive you in a heartbeat if you ever sunk to his level,_ Hunnigan thought, but didn't say as much out loud. Helena wouldn't take it as a compliment.

"Come here," Helena requested softly, wrapping her arms around Hunnigan loosely and gently tugging on her as she lied down, careful not to disturb the snoring dog on the opposite end of the couch. Hunnigan eased into the movement and settled to lie on Helena, resting her head on the younger woman's shoulder.

"You know I would never..." Helena began to assure her yet again, but Hunnigan silenced her with a deep kiss.  
"I _know_ ," she said sternly, "You can't bring yourself to be rough with me even when I ask," she smirked then and Helena blushed.

"Excuse me for wanting limit our sex life to the realm of loving and passionate," she mumbled.  
"I wasn't complaining," Hunnigan chuckled softly, "my point was that I consider you harmless. Well, to me anyway. _Tu es ma minette,_ " she continued.

"...I don't know what that means, but I'll try to take it as a compliment."

"It was how I meant it anyway," Hunnigan chuckled, knowing the word "pussycat" could translate to something relatively vulgar rather effortlessly, especially if taken out of context.

"Now... are we over discussing Dean, or did you have any more questions?" she then asked.  
"I have only one... two-part question," Helena said slowly, "What made you finally leave him and why does Leon know about him when I didn't?"

"Leon... is a sweetheart, but he does have a 'protective big brother'-side as well," Hunnigan began and shifted again, moving back to rest her head on Helena's shoulder.

"I was about two hours late coming home because I'd gotten stuck at work and Leon gave me a ride home. Needless to say, Dean wasn't happy about my tardiness," Hunnigan scoffed then. Helena didn't comment, just ran her fingers through Hunnigan's hair slowly.

"So, he reacted in his usual way. This time he delivered a nasty liver punch... which, I'm sure you know, is excruciating as it is, but in addition, his punch broke a rib... which then punctured my lung," Hunnigan continued and paused for a moment when she felt Helena tremble a little. She was literally shaking with fury, her muscles tense, her entire being switching to attack-mode, ready to utterly destroy her target. She sucked in a shaky breath.

"Go on," she managed, almost calmly through clenched teeth.

"So... I'm sitting on the floor, kind of punch drunk and trying to breathe, when Leon rings the doorbell. I'd forgotten my phone in his car and he came to return it. Dean answered the door, acting as casual as always, but Leon's not stupid, of course he figured something was up."

"And?"

"And he barged in, saw me and realized what had happened and just started wailing on Dean, delivering these very Leon-like comments, like suggesting that Dean should try picking on someone his own size," Hunnigan said, chuckling a little even though at the time of it actually happening it had been anything but funny.

"Yeah, that does sound like something Leon would say," Helena agreed.

"He probably would've killed him if he'd had the time, but luckily for me, he realized I needed medical attention and took me to the hospital instead of wasting time beating Dean further."

Helena wrapped both of her arms around Hunnigan and hugged her tightly for a few seconds before proceeding to gently caress her back with long, soft strokes as if somehow attempting to take the past pains away by being here now.

"So, when that happened, I realized Dean could actually end up killing me, whether he intended it or not, and I decided that staying with him wasn't worth literally risking my life for. The end," Hunnigan finished her story.

"Can I kill him?" Helena asked through clenched teeth and Hunnigan shook her head a little. She'd known Helena would say something like that. After all, she had almost killed Deborah's abusive boyfriend, Hunnigan was certain that when it came to dealing with Dean, Helena would gladly escalate from attempted manslaughter to murder.

"He's not worth going to prison for, now is he?" Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.  
"How about an assassination that cannot be traced back to me?"

"Stop that."  
"All right, all right..." Helena pouted.

"Just forget him, he's not even worth thinking of," Hunnigan said and ended the conversation by pre-emptively silencing Helena's possible arguments with a long, slow kiss.

Helena responded to the kiss, moving her hands down to slide them underneath the hem of Hunnigan's shirt to stroke the warm, bare skin she discovered. Hunnigan hummed approvingly into the kiss and caressed the side of Helena's face gently, shifting a little to find a more comfortable position on top of Helena. The younger woman was about to suggest moving to the bedroom to continue when the doorbell rang.

"God damn it," Hunnigan groaned.  
"Don't move, I'll get rid of whoever it is," Helena said and got up to answer the door.

 _Oh, well, of course,_ she thought and sighed deeply when she saw the person at the door. Shannon visibly recoiled at the sight of Helena, failing at hiding her obvious disappointment and barely managing to keep herself from making the typical "eww"-face. Barely.

"Shannon. For a while I thought it was Hitler, you have the same toothbrush moustache," Helena greeted.

"Ingrid, put a muzzle on that thing. And your dog too while you're at it," Shannon responded in kind as she pushed past Helena and stepped into the apartment uninvited. Helena was about to make a venomous comment when she noticed Emily and decided not to; degrading someone in front of their child was beneath Helena, even if in this case the other person would've deserved to be taken down a notch.

Unlike her mother, Emily was glad to see Helena and immediately lunged to hug her tightly. Helena chuckled and leaned down to hug her back before picking her up, letting out an exaggerated groan.

"Oyh, have you been working out? You're getting all muscular and heavy," she jested.  
"Muscles are for boys!" Emily giggled.

"No, they're not, your dad doesn't have any," Helena teased.  
"Laina, can I go play Duck Tales?" Emily then asked in a whisper, like she was plotting a conspiracy by requesting to play a video game. Helena chuckled softly and nodded.

"Sure," she whispered back and headed to the small study which housed the consoles and computers. After helping Emily set up the game and playing a couple of levels of it with her (and getting her ass kicked in the game by a six year old), Helena headed back to the living room, hoping that whatever Shannon's business was, she'd be leaving soon.

"Do you... have to be there?" Shannon inquired from Helena when the younger woman stood at the doorway, leaning her shoulder do it.  
"No, do you?" Helena asked back, crossing her arms over her stomach.

"Okay, you've had your fun, have a cookie and run along home now," Shannon rolled her eyes and waved her hand dismissively at Helena and the younger woman smirked.

"This is my home, so if anyone should be running along now, it's you. In fact, I'll happily assist you by literally kicking you out."  
"Ooh, the amazon is threatening to manhandle me, what a surprise!" Shannon said in a sarcatic sing-song voice, "Honestly, Ingrid, I don't understand where you find these types," she scoffed then.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Helena snapped.

"What do you want, Shannon?" Hunnigan asked before Helena nor Shannon could continue their bickering.  
"I need a favor."

"Gee, and you're asking so nicely," Helena commented.  
"Could you seriously just go be the nasty little person that you are somewhere else?" Shannon growled and stood up, putting her hands on her hips and facing Helena.

"I was about to ask you to do the same thing," the younger woman smiled sweetly.

"Both of you, just shut up! God, what is wrong with you?" Hunnigan snapped in exasperation.

Helena decided to take the slightly higher road and said, "I think I'll go to the batting cages for a while, I've suddenly developed an urge to hit things with a baseball bat."

Hunnigan cradled her forehead in her palm and sighed deeply.

 _I need a drink._


	7. Chapter 7

Helena wasn't surprised at all to see Emily was still at the apartment even after Shannon had gone. The only times she ever brought the girl to visit was when she needed a babysitter after having alienated her regular sitters. The girl didn't seem to mind having to stay over, she seemed rather happy about getting a vacation from her parents if anything.

Emily was still busy taking full advantage of Helena's PlayStation while Hunnigan sat behind her desk, an open laptop to her left and another to her right, and as the cherry ontop, the desktop was running as well. She reached to the computer on her left to hit the shortcut which updated her email while her other hand flew to the right to pull up a report before Hunnigan turned her full attention to the desktop's screen displaying a satellite feed from whatever it was that she was observing.

Helena never had understood how Hunnigan could do that and not get confused or distracted. Hell, doing two separate things with both hands at the same time was difficult enough to master, but through some strange witchcraft (or, more realistically, through years upon years of conditioning herself), Hunnigan managed to do alone things that would've required two heads and at least three hands at from anyone else.

Helena was aware of having her own impressive skill set, but she had to admit she would've gladly given up one or two of them to be able to pull off what Hunnigan was doing now. Then again, Helena figured she wouldn't really have any need for skills like Hunnigan's; she didn't need to keep track of an entire pack of field agents, guide them, provide and extract intel simultaneously. Watching Hunnigan work, Helena found herself feeling very grateful she got to work with her instead of the less skilled F.O.S. agents (there were a few whose incompetence had become legendary among the field agents).

Helena almost didn't want to interrupt Hunnigan, but then again, the urge to get close to her was overwhelming.

"Hey," she murmured softly into Hunnigan's ear as she leaned over and wrapped her arms around Hunnigan's from behind.

"Welcome back," Hunnigan responded softly and turned to kiss the corner of Helena's mouth before returning her attention to the screen in front of her and typing away at a speed which surely was breaking some kind of a world record.

"Is something up?" Helena then asked, resting her chin on Hunnigan's shoulder.

"No, just checking a few things since I had the time," the other woman said, reaching to once again manually update her email. The inbox remained empty of new messages and Hunnigan shut the laptop down and turned to do the same to the other one.

"So... what did Shannon want?" Helena inquired even though she already had a pretty good idea.  
"Ah, you know. Ethan's out of town so she decided she wanted to go out and..."

"Cheat," Helena interjected in an almost inaudible whisper and Hunnigan sighed.

"Probably. And taking Emily with her was not an option for obvious reasons, so, that's where aunty Iggy comes along," she shrugged, "You don't mind, do you?" she then asked and Helena shook her head.

"Of course not, I like the kid. Besides, I know what it's like to have parents who aren't around much, I wish I'd had an aunt who'd babysat me," Helena said, offering a lopsided smile.

When her parents had decided they needed time off from their kids, Helena had been left in charge of looking after Deborah... a pretty big responsibility for a six year old to look after a three year old, but then again, Helena supposed she should be kind of grateful for it; she doubted she would've grown up to be quite as independent as she had if things had been different.

"Hey, kid, you hungry?" Hunnigan then asked after gently pulling the headphones aside from over Emily's ear.  
"Crêpes! And ice cream!" came the immediate response and Hunnigan laughed.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I don't think we have any ice cream," Hunnigan apologized.

"Then we'll just have to get some," Helena winked, "The batter needs to sit for a while anyway, right? And Catnip needs to be walked, so it's totally a win-win," she continued her reasoning.

"Well, how could I argue with that logic? All right, let's go make the batter and then we'll head out," Hunnigan nodded with a smile.

* * *

Emily was getting a bit too tall to be sitting on Helena's shoulders like she'd done up until about half a year ago, so Helena offered her a piggyback ride instead. Catnip walked beside Hunnigan as he always did, obviously having recovered from his near-near death-experience. Once they reached the store, Helena and Emily headed inside while Hunnigan continued to the park across the street with Catnip.

"Okay, Emmibear, what kind of ice cream should we get?" Helena asked as she knelt to let Emily climb down from her back.  
"Vanilla, that goes with everything, and then we'll get some strawberry sauce, duh," the girl rolled her eyes as if the answer should've been obvious.

"Duh," Helena repeated and mimicked her gesture, laughing softly when Emily grabbed her hand and began leading her to the right aisle. She grabbed the ice cream and headed to get the strawberry sauce then.

She couldn't quite reach the jar, but instead of just asking Helena to get it, Emily went to get the small step-ladder, climbed up, and got the jar herself. Helena was torn between being impressed and a bit sad.  
Impressed, because obviously Emily was one independent little lady who could figure things out herself. Sad, because she didn't think anyone that young should have to know how to take care of herself all by herself.

"That all?" she asked then when Emily put the jar into the basket. The girl pondered on it for a while before finally nodding and they headed to the cashier.

"Can I walk Catnip back?" Emily then asked after they'd exited the store and met up with Hunnigan at the park.  
"Sure, just..."

"I won't go too far, I'll stay in your sight," Emily promised, already knowing what the terms and conditions of these deals were. Hunnigan nodded and handed her the leash, taking advantage of having her hands free and reached to slip her hand into Helena's backpocket.

"Oh!" the younger woman yelped softly when Hunnigan squeezed her buttock, "And here I thought the good old 'hand in the backpocket' was reserved for giddy teenagers only," she smirked then.

"What can I say, you obviously bring out the giddy teenager in me," Hunnigan smiled, leaning her side to Helena's.

"Emily, slow down," she called out then.  
"Sorry!" the girl said and paused to wait for the adults to catch up.

"Excuse me," someone said and both Helena and Hunnigan turned to look into the direction where the voice had come from.

Upon noticing the person approaching them was an elderly woman, Helena immediately began expecting to be scolded for her and Hunnigan's "sinful lifestyle choice", the rant undoubtedly followed by an out of context Bible-quote... which Helena was mentally preparing to counter by pointing out that the Bible actually said nothing about lesbians. Well, as far as she could tell anyway, she had to admit she'd skimmed through the majority of the book.

"I just had to come over to say that your daughter's adorable," the lady said instead of bursting into a rant, her comment rendering Helena speechless.

"Oh, she's n-" Hunnigan began, but the lady spoke over her.

"She has your eyes," she said after glancing over Hunnigan and Emily once more. Well, that was true; Emily looked so much like her aunt that it was downright absurd.

"Uhm, thank you," Hunnigan chuckled awkwardly, not having the heart to correct the woman's false assumption as she went on to tell how happy she was that nowadays things were better and women were less likely to end up committed to a mental institution by a jealous husband which had been the case "back in her day". Hunnigan stifled a chuckle when she saw the "What the fuck is happening?"-look on Helena's face as the lady chatted on for a while longer before finally saying goodbye and moving on.

"Well, that was... something else," Helena mumbled.  
"Yeah," Hunnigan agreed with a smile.

"Come on!" Emily demanded impatiently.  
"Yes, ma'am!" Helena and Hunnigan saluted in unison and hurried up.

* * *

After consuming a ridiculous amount of crêpes smothered in ice cream and strawberry sauce, Emily began to slowly sneak toward the study, her intention to continue playing the game a while longer despite knowing it was past her bedtime already.

"Just don't tell your mom," Hunnigan said, having noticed the girl's movement.

"As if I would do something like that!" Emily called out over her shoulder as her sneak turned into a run upon being granted permission. Hunnigan chuckled and began to clear the dishes away.

"What is this? _You_ are gonna do the dishes?" Helena inquired in exaggerated awe.  
"Just this once so you won't have anything to nag about for at least a month," Hunnigan smirked.

"Well, aren't you a regular domestic goddess, all that's missing is a polka dot dress from the fifties," Helena teased and moved to stand behind Hunnigan, loosely wrapping her arms around her waist and holding onto her.

"Don't even think about getting used to this, though," Hunnigan warned then and Helena chuckled.  
"I'll try not to," she said and leaned to plant soft kisses on the side of Hunnigan's neck, trailing her way up to the ear and enclosing her lips around the earlobe.

"You know, you're kind of distracting me..." Hunnigan muttered softly when Helena kissed along her jawline.  
"I never knew you could get distracted so easily," Helena commented.

"Only by you," Hunnigan whispered and tilted her head to the side to offer Helena full access to her neck. The younger woman accepted the invitation, hungrily kissing the skin, pausing to flick her tongue over the pulse point.

"High praise indeed," she mumbled with a smile, "What do you say we just forget the dishes and go cuddle?" she inquired then.  
"You, the neatfreak of the household, would rather cuddle with me than watch me do the dishes? Now, _that_ is high praise," Hunnigan teased.

"Come on, smartass," Helena chuckled and tugged on the other woman to urge her to move. Hunnigan quickly dried off her hands and eased into the movement, following Helena into the living room.

The younger woman settled into the end of the couch, leaned her back against the arm rest and Hunnigan went to sit between her legs. She reached to put her glasses onto the table and leaned back, settling to rest against Helena and let out a content sigh when Helena put her arms aroud her from behind, wrapping her in a soft and safe embrace.

"This is nice," Helena said quietly with a smile, nuzzling into Hunnigan's hair.  
"Yes, it is," Hunnigan agreed, linked her fingers with Helena's and put her arm over hers.

"If any of the people who think-" Hunnigan began to say but cut herself off. It was too late, she'd already said too much. Frankly, she shouldn't have said anything at all. _What the hell was I thinking?_ she scolded herself mentally.

"...if any of the people who think I would hurt you could see us now, they'd see what a sweetheart I actually am and would change their minds about me, is that what you were saying?" Helena inquired then, her tone tense.

 _Well, that certainly explains the 'these types'-comment Shannon made earlier; she's put me in the same category as Dean. She thinks I'm beating her little sister, that's probably why she hates my guts... or at least a part of the reason. If that's the case, I can't say that I blame her,_ Helena mused and sighed deeply.

"I don't know why the hell I said that," Hunnigan said, "And saying 'people' like it's a big group is wrong too, it's just Shannon... and, well, probably my mom, but only because she's spent too much time with Shannon."  
"Great, your mom thinks I beat you. That's just charming," Helena groaned.

Hunnigan would've wanted to deny it, but that would've been a lie. At least her father hadn't bought into the hype... but, admittedly, that was probably only because he could be old fashioned and sexist in the sense that he genuinely did not believe that women were capable of violence, you had to be a man to hurt someone. Thinking on it now, Hunnigan realized that attitude was pretty insulting to the males too; it was the equivalent of saying men couldn't get beaten up by women when in reality, a fist was a fist regardless of gender, and getting hit hurt just the same.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't understand... I know exactly how irritable I can be, so it's really no wonder people would think I'm the type who'd... But still, knowing that everyone is expecting the worst of me, well... it actually really hurts," Helena muttered and sighed deeply, "And I'm sorry you have to deal with this shit because of me," she then added grimly.

"I have to deal with this shit because I was once stupid enough to stay with someone who actually did hurt me and because my sister's the type of a person whose only joy in life is sucking the joy out of other people's lives by talking shit about them," Hunnigan shook her head and sat up.

"It all has very little to do with you, actually," she said, turning around to face Helena, "Frankly, I think it's greatly my fault, I'm the one who obviously hasn't been clear enough about how good you are to me, and I'm gonna have to fix that. My point is, I know you wouldn't..."

"Ah, but you don't know," Helena interrupted.  
"Helena..." Hunnigan frowned.

"If you did and if you could truly rest assured that I would never, you wouldn't have had any reason to flinch earlier when-"

"It was a reflex, for crying out loud!" Hunnigan rolled her eyes and reached to put her hands onto Helena's cheeks, urging the younger woman to look up.

"You're the most reliable person I've ever had in my life and I've never felt as safe with anyone else, and when I say safe, I mean it in every sense of the word. I know you wouldn't hurt me, you wouldn't let me down, you wouldn't lie to me or cheat on me or... hell, if there were another bioterrorism attack, I know you'd keep me safe whereas I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it," Hunnigan listed.

"Yes, I would," Helena whispered sincerely. She would kill and die for Hunnigan in a heartbeat... but she decided not to say that out loud. Instead she turned to kiss Hunnigan's palm softly and held onto her hand then.

"Y'know, there was this guy in Tall Oaks when shit hit the fan. A real fucking douchebag, like I would've literally shot him myself if I'd had the spare ammo... thankfully he was stupid enough to get himself killed and spared me the trouble of murdering him," Helena muttered when she remembered Peter and Nancy.

"Why did he irk you so much?" Hunnigan frowned.

"His girlfriend was there too, and his entire attitude toward her was 'don't bother trying to keep her safe' while she seemed genuinely concerned for him. I mean, just... how fucking shitty a person must you be to so easily be willing to abandon someone in a situation like that?"

"The shittiest of the shittiest," Hunnigan agreed.

"Well, I guess we've found my one redeeming quality. If there's another zombie outbreak, I'll gladly stay behind and get eaten to buy you time to escape... you know, if for some reason I won't just kick some zombie ass that is," Helena smirked and cracked her knuckles.

"This conversation is getting a little too frank for my liking," Hunnigan commented.  
"Sorry," Helena chuckled.

"What do you say we call it a night? It's been a long day," Hunnigan said softly then.  
"Sounds good to me," Helena agreed and began to get up slowly.

Hunnigan headed to the study to inform Emily that it was bed time. When she got to the room, she realized Emily had already fallen asleep, the controller still in her lap, her head tilted to the side. Catnip lied on his back next to her, snoring loudly, his tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth.

Hunnigan chuckled softly at the sight of them and went to grab a blanket and a pillow from the closet. She took the controller and switched the console off before easing Emily to lie down on the couch and tucked her in. Neither the girl or the dog woke up during the operation.

"Good night kiddo," Hunnigan whispered, kissed the girl's forehead and exited the room. Emily had spent a lot of time at her aunt's and Hunnigan was relatively certain that even if she were to wake up in the middle of the night, she wouldn't panic about waking up in a strange place, but Hunnigan decided to leave the door open despite that.

"Hm, it's raining again," Helena commented when Hunnigan entered the bedroom.  
"I like the rain," she said and went to stand next to Helena by the window.

"I do too, especially when I get to be indoors when it's raining," Helena smiled and wrapped her arm around Hunnigan's waist.  
"Are you okay?" Hunnigan then asked, pressing her side against Helena's tightly.

"Yeah..."  
"Look, I'm sorry about the comment I made, it was thoughtless," Hunnigan apologized quietly.

"No, it's fine... besides, it's true, so," Helena shrugged one shoulder.  
"Except it's not really true, you're not like that."

"...let's just go to bed," Helena dismissed, deciding she didn't really want to discuss this further, it would be pointless. The people who considered her temperamental enough to resort to getting her point across by violence would hardly change their minds just like that. She'd just have to prove them wrong... somehow.

Hunnigan settled next to Helena on the bed, pulling the younger woman into a warm embrace, wrapping her arms around Helena's shoulders and holding onto her as Helena nuzzled into Hunnigan's neck.

"Can I ask you something?" Helena then inquired.

"As long as you don't ask me to explain again how VPN works, then sure," Hunnigan mumbled with a smile and Helena chuckled. Asking Hunnigan to explain anything computer-related was a mistake she'd never make again after the lecture she'd gotten about how important it was for someone in Hunnigan's position to encrypt her IP address and location by routing her online activities through a gateway server in another country when Helena had asked why the hell Hunnigan's Internet connection seemed so slow.

"Nothing like that, but something that came to mind when I thought back on what that lady said... about Emily looking like you, not the whole mini-rant about women's rights."  
"And?"

"And I was just wondering if you ever wanted kids."  
"Ah," Hunnigan muttered.

Truth was, she'd thought about it once or twice, but had always ultimately decided against it. Even if the situation were ideal when it came to having a spouse who wanted to go through with it all, she didn't think that parenthood was really an option was someone in her position. At least not if she intended to be the kind of a parent who was there for the child.

"I would think that a child would be a liability for someone in our line of work," she finally answered slowly.  
"That's not really an answer."

"Why, do you want kids?" Hunnigan asked then instead of actually answering the original question, turning to look at Helena.  
"That's not what I was saying, I was just wondering how you felt about it."

"Well... let's just say I'm not entirely against the idea or dismissing the possibility completely, but it's not something I'd do now."

"Okay."

"You didn't answer the question either," Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.  
"Can I just copy your answer?" Helena chuckled, "Besides, quite frankly, the whole turkey baster-part of the process is kind of off-putting," she added.

"True, but then again, we live in a world where scientists have engineered viruses that can reanimate the dead, I'd be amazed if they couldn't eventually figure out how to convert stem cells to allow same sex couples to have kids that are biologically both of theirs," Hunnigan shrugged one shoulder.

"Yeah, that sounds like you haven't looked into it at all," Helena commented, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  
"I haven't 'looked into it' per se, you know how my brain works, I hear or read something interesting and the facts stick," Hunnigan dismissed.

"I know, I was just teasing you," Helena said and leaned to kiss Hunnigan softly, "And for what it's worth, I'd gladly have your kids."  
"Once again, the conversation is getting a bit too frank for my liking, but thanks, I'll remember that," Hunnigan chuckled.


	8. Chapter 8

It was still raining the next morning, the harsh gusts of wind slamming the drops against the window hard. Helena woke up to the sound and listened to it for a few moments before deciding to open her eyes. She turned to her side and pushed the sleeve of Hunnigan's T-shirt up to be able to kiss her arm and over her shoulder then, slowly trailing her lips to the other woman's neck and nuzzling into it. She moved her hand down along Hunnigan's side, slipping underneath the shirt and then back up, caressing the bare skin gently, careful not to tickle.

Hunnigan smiled sleepily, stretched in Helena's arms and pressed herself tightly against the other woman. She inhaled sharply and arched her back a little when Helena moved her hand to cup Hunnigan's breast and teased the nipple with her thumb.

"Good morning," Helena whispered, nibbling at the other woman's ear softly.

"It is," Hunnigan answered quietly, "Now, go back to kissing my neck," she ordered then, raising her hand over Helena's, wordlessly encouraging her to continue the caresses as well.

"Someone woke up bossy," Helena chuckled.

"I know what I want and am not afraid to ask for it either," Hunnigan commented matter-of-factly, turned around in Helena's arms and swung her leg over the other woman's hip before rolling them over so that she was straddling Helena.

"Well, I'm always happy to provide," the younger woman said huskily, slipping her fingers under Hunnigan's shirt again, but this time she gripped Helena's wrists and pinned her hands over her head.

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be," Helena grinned. Hunnigan was about to comment when the thumping of Emily's fast footsteps could be heard approaching rapidly, accompanied by the soft clicking noise of Catnip's claws on the bare patches of floor in between carpets as the dog ran beside the tiny human.

"Oh, no," Hunnigan inhaled and moved to her side of the bed just before Emily barged into the room. The girl didn't stop after entering; instead she ran to the bed and jumped nn, Helena barely having enough time to sit up and catch her.

"Omph!" she grunted, falling back on the bed when Emily impacted into her like a blunt arrow. Catnip followed the little human's example and jumped onto the bed as well, snuffling and letting out high-pitched growls of excitement as he wagged his tiny tail so vigorously his entire body swung from side to side with it.

"A little rough, don'tcha think?" Helena quirked an eyebrow at the girl and she laughed.  
"Sorry," she said and crawled over Helena to get off the bed, managing to knee the woman in the gut and elbow her in the chest as she went. Helena slumped in the bed and curled up, cradling her sore spots.

"Are you okay?" Hunnigan chuckled softly and put her hand on Helena's shoulder. The younger woman nodded weakly and groaned.

"Forget what I said about wanting kids."  
"You said you didn't want any," Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"I copied your answer which was more a 'maybe' than a 'no', but now I'm thinking of changing mine to a 'definite no'," Helena grumbled.

"Come on, let's get some breakfast... and ice for your booboos, ya big baby," Hunnigan teased, knowing perfectly well that Helena was built like a tank and could evidently withstand quite an amount of punishment (at least while under the influence of adrenaline and rage), it was safe to say it would take a lot more than Emily's knee and elbow to seriously injure her.

"Yes, I'm hurt and I need to be coddled," Helena mumbled, but Emily had other plans and she reached to grab Helena's arm and pulled with all her strength.

Either she was stronger than she appeared or Helena happened to conveniently move at the same time of Emily's tug, regardless the end result was the same; Helena ended up falling from the bed, the blanket, the pillows and the bedsheets slipping down with her and slowly cascading over her as she lied on her back on the floor. The sudden ease of tugging on Helena resulted in Emily ending up flat on her butt on the floor as well, but with less injuries than the ones that Helena sustained after hitting her shoulder to the nightstand and her elbow to the floor.

"Oh, my God, are you all right?" Hunnigan asked, leaning over the edge of the bed to look at Helena. Catnip scampered to her too, sniffing and nuzzling her before proceeding to give her cheek a few licks in his attempt to wake the human and see if she'd move to indicate she was still alive.

"I'm just peachy," Helena grumbled from underneath the blanket and pillows and the concerned dog circling her head.  
"Please, take Emily away from me before she kills me, would you?" she then pleaded.

"I wasn't trying to kill you," Emily commented and rubbed the sore spot on her lower back as she stood up.  
"I appreciate it, you did a fine job at attempting it though, you might want to consider a career as a mercenary when you grow up," Helena chuckled.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's get you some breakfast and then I'll take you home," Hunnigan said and got out of bed.  
"What's a mercenary?" Emily asked her aunt as they exited the bedroom, leaving Helena to recover from her injuries in peace.

* * *

Helena loved watching Hunnigan. Her previous lovers had always found some reason and some means to hide from her –behind their arm, into the pillow, or simply just facing away. God forbid if Helena ever attempted anything as daring as direct eye contact. But not Hunnigan. She wasn't insecure or too shy, she didn't turn her head away nor was she uncomfortable straight up saying exactly what she wanted. It worked for Helena's convenience not only because of the obvious reasons, but because nothing quite compared to the feeling of excitement and pride that swelled in Helena's chest when she witnessed Hunnigan's pleasure, fully aware of being the sole source of said pleasure... like she was now.

Hunnigan straddled Helena, her arms around the younger woman's shoulders, her fingernails sinking into the pale skin over Helena's shoulder blades to satisfy her need to have something to hold onto. She pressed her body against Helena's and bit into her shoulder as the younger woman's hand worked between her legs, matching the speed and rhythm of Hunnigan's hips. Helena unwrapped her other arm from around Hunnigan and slid her hand up along the soft skin, tangling her fingers into Hunnigan's hair, balling her hand into a fist, gently but firmly tugging to pull Hunnigan's head back to be able to hungrily kiss and bite the other woman's neck, but most importantly, to be able to look at her as she neared the edge, tensing up, her breathless moans encouraging Helena further and she added more pressure on Hunnigan's clit, easing her strokes and thrusts into the same rhythm with her movements.

It was too much, Hunnigan's attempts to prolong the inevitable became a wasted effort, she was already unraveling and when Helena curled her fingers once more, she was washed over the edge by the flood of pleasure. A small, pleased smile graced Helena's lips when Hunnigan threw her head back and cried out as she quivered in Helena's arms. Once the initial and the most intense waves passed, Hunnigan leaned back, arching over the blanket that was in a messy pile behind her, but offered a convenient support for her back now.

Helena mimicked her movement, resting her weight on her free hand, the other one still slowly working between Hunnigan's legs, easing her back from the edge. Helena took a long moment to relish the sight of her; the bronzed skin glistening with sweat, her abdomen undulating and her chest heaving to the rhythm of her heavy breathing. Hunnigan remained there for a while, indulging Helena's desire to watch before finally sitting back up.

She ignored Helena's soft protest and put her hands on the younger woman's shoulders, urging her to lie flat on her back. Helena complied and Hunnigan leaned to kiss her neck, hungrily making her way down over Helena's collarbones and to her chest, flicking her tongue over the damp pale skin, relishing the salty taste of it, trailing down and pausing to enclose her mouth around the younger woman's hardened nipple, running her tongue over and around it, eliciting an approving, breathless moan from Helena.

The younger woman's hips moved as if they had a will of their own, seeking out more contact with Hunnigan as she made her way down along Helena's body at a torturously slow pace, her intention to reduce Helena into a mess of lust and need. Helena dug her heels into the mattress and pushed her hips off it, silently pleading for the touch. Hunnigan wasn't willing to let her get off that easily. Instead, she wrapped her arms around Helena's thighs and reached to grip her pelvis to hold her still as she busied her mouth by gliding her lips along the smooth inner side of Helena's thigh, going all the way down just to cross over to the other thigh, allowing only her breath brush against the expectant tender flesh.

Hunnigan came back down and the younger woman tensed up again, inhaling sharply when Hunnigan finally flattened her tongue against Helena's clit, offering her the contact and pressure she'd been longing for and eased into the rhythm of Helena's hips gently rocking against her mouth.

After all the teasing she'd endured, it didn't take long for Helena to start nearing the edge, her breathing reduced to shallow and sharp inhales, the movement of her hips becoming more demanding. Hunnigan moved her hand between Helena's legs, slid her fingers inside the younger woman, pushing hard and curling them, seeking out the sensitive spot and teasing it, making every muscle in Helena's body tense up as the lightning bolt of pleasure shot up her spine. The younger woman cried out, her back arching high when the sweetly aching pressure released in a delicious explosion of ecstacy.

Hunnigan moved with her, gently easing her through the aftershocks before slowly sliding her fingers out and making her way back up along Helena's body, leaving behind a trail of tiny gentle kisses before moving to lie next to her. She leaned to kiss Helena's lips then, interlocking their lips as they lied side by side, kissing and caressing each other slowly.

"I love you," Helena whispered into the kiss softly.

"I love you too."


	9. Chapter 9

Helena leaned her weight onto her elbow, resting her head in the cup of her palm. The drops of rain running down the window in a generous stream cast shadows onto Hunnigan's skin and Helena reached over, softly running her fingers over the shadows, a smile tugging the corner of her mouth when Hunnigan moved a little under the touch, her skin rising to goosebumps.

"That tickles," she muttered and turned to lie on her side.

"Sorry," Helena chuckled. She let her arm wrap around Hunnigan from behind and pulled her to herself, sliding her fingers up the other woman's abdomen until she reached the soft underside of her breast.

"Helena..."  
"Yes?"

"What are you doing, we're just getting over the being sticky-part."  
"I know, and now I'm gonna make you all sticky again," Helena chuckled softly, leaning to plant gentle kisses over the side of Hunnigan's neck, trailing her lips to Hunnigan's shoulder as she snuck her hand higher.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Helena groaned in frustration when Hunnigan's phone rang. In her line of work switching it off or ignoring a call was never an option, and Helena had learned to hate this fact from the very beginning of her relationship with the other woman. Hunnigan wasn't exactly pleased with the situation herself at the moment, but considering it was almost midnight, the odds were it had to be something important.

"It's Emily," she frowned when she saw the caller's name on the screen, "Hey, kid, what's up?" she answered and sat up on the edge of the bed, sobering up from the haze of relaxed comfort within seconds.

"Can I come and stay with you for a while? I can't sleep here, my mom's yelling at dad and it's keeping me up," the girl responded, her tone downright casual, bordering on fed up and annoyed rather than scared or distressed like what one would expect from a six year old in that situation.

"Uh... sure, I'll come pick you up, okay?" Hunnigan promised and began to get dressed.  
"Okay," Emily confirmed and without as much as a goodbye, ended the call.

"What's happening?" Helena frowned and Hunnigan explained it to her as she pulled her jeans on and buttoned them up. Helena got dressed as well and decided to go along as Hunnigan began making her way to the parking garage and to her sister's.

* * *

"Oh, God, you brought the dog," Shannon said in her usual venomous manner as she glanced over Helena.  
"You're lucky that you're on the sauce right now because I have a strict policy of not punching drunks," Helena replied in kind.

Shannon was about to question their presence at her house when Emily emerged from her room with her backpack bulging.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" her mother demanded when Emily walked past her and, much to Shannon's annoyance, paused next to Helena, seeking out her hand and gripping it.  
"To aunt Iggy's, it's quieter there," the girl muttered and Shannon rolled her eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, get back to your room and go to bed."  
"No!"

"Emily, I will not tell you again!" Shannon snapped and stepped forward, extending her arm a little in an attempt to grab Emily's shoulder and urge the girl back toward her room.

"Just... calm down!" Hunnigan intercepted, gripping Shannon's forearm and stepping between her and Emily, "You're drunk and apparently in the middle of fighting with Ethan over something, so wouldn't it be better if she stayed with us?" she then tried reasoning.

"Tsh, you think you can stand there and tell me how to raise the kid?" Shannon hissed through clenched teeth, yanking her forearm free from Hunnigan's grip. Her drink spilled over as she moved.  
"I'm not telling you how to do anything, I'm just saying it'd be best for you and her if she stayed with us," Hunnigan repeated.

"I can take of her better drunk than you would sober," Shannon narrowed her eyes. Helena had to commend Hunnigan for not taking the bait, had it been her, she would've undoubtedly said or done something she'd regret by now. Instead, Hunnigan just stared Shannon down for a moment before speaking again.

"At the moment I can't say that I agree. I'll call you tomorrow when you've hopefully sobered up," Hunnigan said in her usual calm tone and turned to leave. Shannon made a lunge toward her in an attempt to stop her, but this time Helena stepped in front of her to intercept.

"Seriously, don't do that. Just don't," Helena warned her. It took only a fraction of a second, but the tiny sneer that flashed across Shannon's face revealed what she was about to do almost as clearly as if she'd just yelled out her intention.

Based on what experience Helena had of being targeted by an agitated woman, she had a good idea of what to expect. Most people were right-handed, so she was expecting Shannon to open with attempting to throw a punch from the right and prepared to catch her wrist, followed by the left one and finally turn her hips and raise her leg to shield her abdomen with her thigh from the inevitable knee to the gut. But Shannon managed to take her by surprise. Instead of throwing a single punch, she threw both of her fists forward with all the force she could conjure up, driving them into Helena's chest and dropping her instantly.

"What the fuck, Shannon!" Hunnigan hissed at her and knelt by Helena who'd collapsed to the floor.  
"She was in my way," Shannon spat.

"Helena?" Hunnigan said, cupped the younger woman's cheek and turned her head a little. Helena didn't respond and Hunnigan reached to feel the back of her head. She couldn't see any blood nor did there appear to be a wound, so it didn't seem she'd hit her head as she'd fallen.

"You killed her!" Emily exclaimed, her eyes widening.  
"All right, you had your fun, quit dicking around," Shannon scoffed at Helena, but the younger woman didn't react.

"Oh, my God, I don't feel a pulse," Hunnigan breathed after feeling around Helena's neck, "Well, don't just fucking stand there, call for help!"


	10. Chapter 10

_God, the bitch decked me. Didn't think she had it in her_ , Helena thought when she came to. She opened her eyes slowly and frowned deeply when she realized she was in the hospital. She'd thought she was still lying on the floor in the foyer of Shannon's house and that she'd gotten knocked out mere seconds ago. Obviously that was not the case.

Hunnigan sat in a chair by the bed, seemingly half asleep, the angle of her neck undoubtedly resulting in soreness the morning after. Emily was with her, sitting sideways on her lap, leaning against Hunnigan's chest, her head tucked underneath her aunt's chin. The tip of her thumb was in her mouth and Helena chuckled softly at the sight, it was so uncharacteristic of the girl who was usually so mature in her ways and words she could've passed for a teenager.

Helena sat up and reached over the edge of the bed to softly touch Hunnigan's forearm and the other woman opened her eyes.

"Hey," she whispered.  
"Hey. What the hell happened?" Helena inquired, whispering as well so as not to wake Emily.

"You died."  
"What?" Helena scoffed amusedly, not willing to quite believe it, but Hunnigan didn't appear to be joking.

 _I have died, but did I go to heaven or hell, I can't really tell. Hey, that rhymes,_ Helena mused, her mind wandering until Hunnigan spoke again.

"Shannon punched you in the chest hard enough to stop your heart. You were technically dead for almost two minutes before the EMTs zapped you back to life."

"...wow," Helena deadpanned, unable to decide what to feel. Happy to be alive, worried about the lack the notorious bright light at the end of the tunnel, disappointed that her life hadn't played out in front of her as a film like everyone had always said it would when nearing death. Mostly she just felt... dumbfounded.

"I know," Hunnigan agreed and blew out a breath, not quite sure it had actually sunk in for her either.  
"Where's Shannon?" Helena then inquired.

"In lock-up I assume."  
"She was arrested?"

"I had her arrested."  
"Seriously?" Helena's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Well, since you died for a while there, I think what she did could be considered manslaughter. Or attempted second degree murder, depending on the D.A. I suppose," Hunnigan shrugged.

"I don't wanna press charges, obviously it was an accident," Helena shook her head. Things were complicated enough as they were, the last thing she needed was to have Shannon bitch at her for this, even if Helena did have every right to see Shannon locked up.

"It's not up to you, the D.A. decides whether to press charges or not."  
"Well... shouldn't my opinion count for something?"

"I'm sure it will... not to mention that Ethan plays golf with the D.A. on a weekly basis, I doubt Shannon will actually get charged... but it doesn't hurt to let her sweat a little."

"You have a mean-streak after all, I'm beginning to see the family resemblance," Helena commented then and Hunnigan laughed softly.  
"I think we get it from mom."

"How's the kid?" Helena then asked, nodding toward Emily who was still fast asleep.  
"I tried talking her into staying with Ethan, but she wouldn't have any of it, so here we are," Hunnigan shrugged.

"At least she likes me."  
"I like you."

"You know what I mean," Helena smiled.  
"Yeah, you're her new best friend."

"She's a strange one. And I mean that with all my love," Helena then commented and Hunnigan chuckled, nodding a little.  
"I know, but considering where she grew up, it's no wonder."

"I don't understand how you can be related to Shannon, she's such a... I don't even have a word for what she is."  
"I know..." Hunnigan agreed slowly, "but she's not rotten to the core, she's got her redeeming qualities."

"I wish I could believe you, but I'm beginning to think that you're the kind of a person who tries seeing redeeming qualities in people even when there are none," Helena commented quietly, the implication that Helena considered herself to be one of those people with nothing good in her rather clear.

"Maybe I am," Hunnigan admitted. She had to be to some extent, unless she was willing to admit she'd stayed with Dean despite being aware of him lacking all possible good qualities, and admitting to something like that would just make her seem... well, pretty damn stupid if she was honest.

"But I'm also the type who doesn't forget favors done for her, and Shannon's done a few for me. Sure, not all of them completely unselfish, but she can be nice too. You two have that in common."

"I'm always nice," Helena argued.  
"You are impatient, tough and irritable..."

"Oh, gee, thanks," Helena interjected.  
"...but you also have a softer side. You can be very gentle and dedicated, but no one knows that because you don't let a lot of people close enough to see it. Shannon's the same way, she does have a decent side to her, but it's not visible unless you get close enough."

"Still sounds like you're making excuses for her, but it's not really any of my business."  
"She's my sister, you know how it works. I recall there being several occasions when you and Deborah didn't always see eye to eye, but that didn't mean you stopped caring or cut her out of your life," Hunnigan reasoned and Helena nodded slowly.

"Point taken," she said.

Emily shifted sleepily in Hunnigan's lap and she adjusted accordingly, tightening her hold on the child to keep her from falling.  
"Look, you two head back home, I'm fine. Really," Helena assured.  
"You sure?"

"Of course. Besides, if anything goes down with me, I think I'm at the safest place I could be for that. Go get some rest, I'll call you in the morning when I see what the doc says," Helena said. Hunnigan pondered on it for a while, obviously wanting to stay, but still understanding it was kind of pointless for her to sit here. There was nothing she could do about anything at the moment.

"All right," she finally agreed.

* * *

Helena had decided to take full advantage of being able to play the "I'm still recovering"-card (despite being cleared and declared good as new by her doctor) and she'd unfolded the couch in the living room to be able to laze away more freely. Judging from the way Catnip was lying in the corner of the couch, his paws sticking up and his tongue hanging from the corner of his mouth, he supported her intention.

"Now that's how you do it right," Helena commented after looking at him and followed his example, going as far as to stick her feet up and poke her tongue out too, but that was merely for Emily's entertainment. It worked, the kid doubled over in laughter at the ridiculous display before hopping onto the couch as well.

"Pizza's here!" Hunnigan announced as she made her way across the living room with the box.

"Did you bring the-" Helena began to ask.  
"Yes," Hunnigan interrupted, rolling her eyes and handed Helena the bottle of ranch salad dressing.

"Excellent," Helena grinned, rubbed her hands together like an evil villain and grabbed a slice of pizza. Hunnigan cringed as she watched Helena smother the pizza in salad dressing before proceeding to eat it. She cringed again when she witnessed Emily commit the same atrocious crime to her slice of pizza.

Hunnigan had to wonder if the girl really liked ranch salad dressing on her pizza like Helena did, or if it was a habit she'd adopted just because she wanted to be like Helena. Hunnigan had noticed a long time ago that if aunt Laina did something in a certain way, Emily had copied and mastered the mannerism within a day. It was kind of cute.

"Y'know, I never understood how you can eat junk food the way you do and not get fat," Hunnigan commented then.

"I should've had myself checked for worms while I was in the hospital," Helena laughed, "Or it's more likely that the excess just ends up in the right places," she then grinned.

"Lucky."  
"Don't act like there's nothing in it for you too."  
"Eh, you have a point," Hunnigan shrugged after taking a few seconds to glance over Helena's chest.

"What are you talking about?" Emily frowned, her cheeks stained with spots of salad dressing.  
"Nothing important," Hunnigan dismissed.

"I disagree," Helena said under her breath and chuckled then, "Nothing you need to worry about," she said to Emily then.

They'd just finished eating when the doorbell rang. Hunnigan went to answer it, leaving Helena, Emily and Catnip in the cuddlepile that they'd formed watching cartoons. Hunnigan wasn't surprised to see Shannon, after all she'd informed her she'd be coming to pick Emily up, but she was somewhat surprised to see how drasticly her obvious change in attitude toward Hunnigan was showing. She'd visibly gone from somewhat indifferent to downright hostile, and she made no attempt at hiding it either.

"Emily, your mother's here!" Hunnigan called back over her shoulder.  
"Okay!" the girl responded and began packing her things.

"Do you wanna c-" Hunnigan began to say, but Shannon spoke over her.  
"I've seen you make some pretty stupid decisions in your lifetime, but I still never would've thought you'd choose some rabid bitch over your own flesh and blood," she hissed and Hunnigan's eyebrow quirked.

"Do you hear yourself? Because from where I'm looking at it, it seems to me that you are the one who is behaving like a rabid bitch, not Helena."  
"Oh, please," Shannon scoffed.

"You almost killed her, literally! Do you understand that, how serious it is!" Hunnigan lost her temper at the obvious disregard Shannon displayed.  
"I didn't mean to."

"That doesn't make it better! God, why would you even think that it makes a difference?"  
"It would from a legal point of view and that's enough for me," Shannon shrugged.

"Get out," Hunnigan ordered and opened the door for her, "I can't even look at you right now."  
"Fine. Tell Emily I'll wait for her in the car," Shannon said, turned on her heel and exited with sharp steps.

A few minutes later Emily followed her after saying bye and after informing her aunt that she was more than capable of making her way down the stairs by herself and didn't need an escort, the comment accompanied by an eyeroll. Hunnigan waited by the door until the girl disappeared into the stairwell before closing it. She then headed across the apartment and to the balcony from where she could see to the street. Shannon stood by the car, taking agitated drags from her cigarette, the cloud of smoke practically hanging over her in the still air.

"Okay, isn't it about time you told me what she has on you that's so bad that you let her be such a bitch to you?" Helena inquired, standing beside Hunnigan as she watched Emily emerge from the building and walk to the car. The girl glanced up, looking for Hunnigan's balcony and waved at the women once she spotted them before turning to throw her backpack into the car and getting in.

"It's complicated," Hunnigan said as she waved back before the girl and her mother drove off.

"Why does everything have to be complicated?" Helena sighed as they went back inside. Hunnigan shrugged, she didn't have an answer either despite all the times she'd asked the same question.

"What, did you spill blueberry juice all over your parents' new white couch and have Shannon take the blame for it or something?" Helena then tried prodding as she went back to the couch, settling to lie on her stomach.

"Something like that did happen, but we were in it together from the start. We took out all the frozen berries from the freezer and stomped them into the dining room carpet," Hunnigan shared as she moved to straddle Helena's butt and the younger woman laughed heartily at the mental image.

"I dread to ask, but why would you do that?" she asked through laughter.

"I don't know, we were like... ten. Or, seven and nine to be precise. Point is, kids do stupid stuff," Hunnigan said and leaned to rest her palms on Helena's shoulders, kneading the muscles slowly, running her thumbs up and down along the back of Helena's neck then.

"Deb and I once egged our own house. I don't know why we did it," Helena said.

"See? This is what I mean, kids do stupid things for no particular reason," Hunnigan commented victoriously and ran her hands down along the sides of Helena's shoulder blades, the gentle pressure massaging the long muscles that Helena always managed to get into knots somehow.

"Are you trying to distract me so that I'd drop the original subject?" Helena then murmured, sounding kind of sleepy.  
"Is it working?"

"Kinda, but you should know it's only temporary."  
"I'll take it," Hunnigan chuckled, running her palms up and down along each side of Helena's spine. For a moment she thought Helena had fallen asleep after she'd been quiet for a while, but then the younger woman moved, slowly turned around and sat up, capturing Hunnigan in her lap. She wrapped her legs around Helena's hips and slipped her arms over her shoulders.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hey, you," Helena murmured softly and nuzzled Hunnigan's cheek, "Now come on, tell me what kind of mischief you were up to that you're still paying for."  
"You're not gonna let this go, are you?" Hunnigan sighed.

"Nope," Helena confirmed. Hunnigan leaned her forehead against Helena's and stayed there for a moment before pulling back and to be able to look at Helena. She was looked so serious Helena was beginning to think Hunnigan had killed someone and had Shannon take the blame for it. Helena dismissed the idea quickly; if it were something like that, Hunnigan would've just said so.

"Tell me."

Hunnigan exhaled deeply, stared into the amber eyes and nodded.

"...all right."


	11. Chapter 11

Helena didn't rush Hunnigan, for which the older woman was grateful. Instead, she just held onto her, gently caressing her back and patiently waited for Hunnigan to gather her thoughts and put them into words. Finally, Hunnigan pulled away from Helena's lap and sat next to her. Helena had to admit she didn't like how serious Hunnigan had become.

"I haven't been completely frank with you about something that is kind of a big deal even if you knowing about it or not knowing about it won't actually change anything."

"Go on."

Hunnigan sighed and patted her thighs with her hands nervously. She hadn't been this terrified of saying something out loud since she'd tried mustering up the courage to tell Helena she loved her for the first time.

"Emily is my daughter."

Helena deadpanned, trying to process what she'd just been told.

"And Dean is the father," she finally spoke. It was more a statement than a question. Hunnigan nodded.

"He doesn't know for obvious reasons."  
"So... where does Shannon come into the picture?"

"In the scene where she offers to spare me from the perils of parenthood by taking the child off my hands. She and Ethan couldn't have their own, I certainly couldn't keep the child, and the other options kinda made me cringe, so... it was an ideal arrangement."

"Why couldn't you keep her?" Helena frowned and Hunnigan glared at her like it was the dumbest question she'd ever heard.

"Raising a child would be a challenge now, let alone back when I was by myself, how do you think that would've turned out? Shannon and Ethan had the time and the means to care for Emily, I didn't... still don't, except occasionally for short periods of time. And say what you want about Shannon, but she's a good mother," Hunnigan said and Helena nodded slowly, having to reluctantly agree.

"So... she's being a bitch and getting away with it because legally she has the right to keep you from seeing Emily?" Helena frowned and Hunnigan shook her head.

"I think it's more about her being afraid that I'll tell Emily the truth and she'll pick me over her. Shannon's insecure and jealous. I let her be a bitch because I know where it stems from. And frankly, I think the biggest reason she can't stand you is because Emily adores you and Shannon's worried that Emily likes you better than her."

"Still sounds to me like she's got more to lose than you do, why do you let get away with being a jerk?"

"Because I know that isn't who she really is and most of the time she acts almost like a normal human being, but then there are times when she lashes out because she's feeling insecure. And, well... while I don't think Shannon would actually do it, she could cut me out of Emily's life, and I don't want that."

"I get it," Helena whispered. Frankly, she herself didn't want to be cut out of Emily's life either, she'd always liked the kid. Hearing she was actually Hunnigan's made her feel... well, maybe a bit stupid for not seeing it; the girl was practically a carbon copy of her mother. Well, her biological mother. Then again, Helena knew perfectly well that it was never a definite sign, she herself didn't look like her parents at all, at most she shared some of her great-grandmother's features whereas Deborah had looked just like a genderbent version of their father.

"I need you to promise me that you won't tell Emily."  
"I wasn't planning to," Helena responded somewhat absently.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's just... I honestly don't think much about it these days, and the fact that I'm the birthmother doesn't make any difference, so I... I sound like I'm making excuses, but I wasn't trying to keep secrets from you... per se," Hunnigan said awkwardly. Helena ran her hand over her face and sighed deeply.

"I'm just wondering what else I don't know about you. Seeing as you didn't consider this or your relationship with Dean worth mentioning, I can't help but wonder what other huge things you might have chosen not to share because you've deemed them inconsequential," Helena muttered, beginning to get upset, feeling like she'd gotten the wool pulled over her eyes and she had never even realized to suspect anything.

"There's nothing," Hunnigan said quietly and put her hand over Helena's forearm. The younger woman pulled away from the touch.

"I need to... I need to go be somewhere else for a while," Helena mumbled and stood up. Hunnigan knew better than to bother asking her to stay or asking her to sit and just talk it over; she was more than aware of Helena's penchant for leaving in a huff and returning five minutes later, looking kind of embarrassed after having cooled off after losing her temper. Then again, this was different, this wasn't just Helena getting upset over housework or over not getting enough attention.

"Will you be back?" Hunnigan asked over her shoulder as Helena was about to exit the living room. Helena didn't respond, she didn't know either right now.

* * *

The air was humid, still and so hot it was downright suffocating. A thunderstorm would've been nice, it would've literally cleared the air... not to mention Helena felt like it would've matched her less than sunny mood. Frankly, she wasn't even sure what she was so upset about exactly. Hunnigan hadn't mentioned any of this, no, but she'd also been right about the fact that none of it really made a difference. As far as the world was concerned, nothing had changed. It was funny and sad to think how often that was the case even when individual lives changed drastically to the point of falling completely apart.

 _Well, that's overly dramatic, don't you think?_ Helena asked herself and sighed. It was, and it wasn't.

Helena had lost track of how many times she'd walked around the small lake path and gone through each of the different routes and little trails the hundreds upon hundreds joggers passing through had made over time. She was passing the piers and the rows of boats docked there again, but this time someone called her name. She turned around and frowned.

"Leon," she muttered out loud. He waved at her to come over and she went. He was tying the boat down, a generous stream of sweat running on the naked skin of his well-muscled and tanned upper body. Helena took a moment to admire the view; seemed only fair since he'd taken his sweet time to give her the same treatment once or twice. She didn't hold it against him, she was aware of her assets and Leon certainly wasn't the only one who'd spent a few seconds here and there appreciating them when he'd thought she hadn't noticed.

"Are you stalking me or do you just magically appear to be everywhere I go?" Helena smirked.  
"I was just about to ask you the same thing," he laughed.

"Catch anything?" Helena then inquired after noticing the fishing equipment.  
"Nah, it's too hot even for the fish," Leon shook his head and wiped sweat off his chest with his T-shirt, "What are you doing here, aside from stalking me? Came to catch some sun?" he asked then.

"I'm a lady, and ladies don't tan, they burn," Helena informed him with the worst fake British accent Leon had ever heard.  
"So, I take it you're just out for a walk because you ran out of dishes to smash," he smirked and Helena chuckled.

"I'll have you know I've matured, this is pre-emptive walking, the dishes are fine."  
"She told you about Dean, huh?"

 _Among other things,_ Helena answered mentally, but decided not to say anything more of that.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Wanna come aboard, have a couple of beers and talk about it?" Leon offered then.  
"Who are you, my shrink?" Helena quirked an eyebrow.

"I think I'm more of a marriage counselor and the friend who offers a voice for your inner musings so we won't have to resort to voiceover narrating from you," Leon chuckled.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but I'll take that beer," Helena smiled and climbed aboard the boat, taking shelter from the sun in the cabin of the boat (that was named Ursula, Helena noticed).

"So, what's new?" he asked, sat back and opened the beer before handing the cool bottle to Helena. She nodded a silent thank you as she accepted it and shrugged a little.  
"I died," she answered before taking a long sip from the bottle.

"Excuse me?" he laughed as he dug a beer for himself from the cooler. Helena tore at the label that was coming off easily as she went on to tell Leon what had happened with Shannon and his eyebrows rose nearly all the way to his hairline as he listened.

"So, you had that thing that kills baseball players! I hear it's super rare... and that it's even more rare to actually survive it. You're beyond lucky," he shook his head in disbelief.

"I guess you're right," Helena let out a small rueful laugh. Of course he was right. All things considered, Helena was probably the luckiest woman alive. All those near deaths and all the other mistakes that she'd managed to walk away from without a prison sentence or worse, it was actually pretty damn amazing.

"But still, I just... why is it that whenever I fix one thing, ten other things start falling apart?" she asked and Leon smiled.

"Because if nothing fell apart on its own, you'd start breaking shit just because you're bored," he shrugged and she realized he was right. There'd been times when she'd argued with Hunnigan over something ridiculous for days just because she'd been bored. Like that time when Hunnigan had adamantly refused to poke holes into her firewall to make online gaming easier for Helena. That was a stupid argument that had gone on much longer than was necessary.

 _Actually no, it's not about boredom as much as it is about me enjoying the feeling of relief when it's over. Shit, I'm addicted to the making up-part,_ Helena thought.

"Look, I'm honestly probably the last person who should be giving anyone relationship advice, but I'd imagine that after all the shit that you've been through, Hunnigan choosing not to tell you about a douchebag ex is hardly worth getting seriously upset about," Leon commented.

 _How about her not telling me she has a child?_ Helena asked mentally, but didn't speak. Instead she sipped her beer and nodded slowly.

"I know you're right, but being the last to know still stings," she said then.  
"If you'd known from the start, would that have made a difference?"

"...not really," Helena muttered.  
"Well, there you have it, everything's pretty much the same, so why get upset?" he reasoned and offered her a second beer. She accepted the bottle and smiled.

"But I'm so good at getting upset," she smirked and he laughed.  
"Admittedly, your angry face is kinda hot," he wiggled his eyebrows and she let out an amused scoff as she rolled her eyes at him.

"You're a strange one."  
"Ditto," he laughed and clinked his bottle against hers to toast their shared oddness


	12. Chapter 12

"I like my women how I like my glasses; sitting on my face," Leon said as he walked Helena home.

"You do realize there's an obvious flaw in that statement, you don't wear glasses," Helena slurred, her arm over his shoulders as he helped her stay up and walk despite her adamant arguments of being able to handle herself just fine.

"Yeah, I heard that from Hunnigan," Leon confessed.

"I like my women how I like my webservers; insecure and full of exploitable holes. _I_ heard _that_ from Hunnigan," Helena said.

"Oh, my God," Leon doubled over in laughter.

"Okay, since the worst 'I like my women how'-flirts apparently came from Hunnigan, we should declare this a draw," he then said, sighing deeply and still chuckling. Helena nodded in agreement, actually kind of glad that she wasn't the clear winner of the playful contest.

Leon walked her into the apartment building and escorted her up. After they'd finished the six-pack he'd had in his cooler, they'd headed over to the nearby bar for a couple more pints (and most importantly to use the restroom). Leon had forgotten that Helena was a lightweight and that three bottles of beer, one pint, and one shot of vodka were enough to drop her under the table. In this case, literally... at which point he'd decided it was time to walk her home.

"Dude, I live here, I have a key, what are you doing?" Helena laughed softly when he rang the doorbell. Hunnigan answered the door, visibly surprised at the sight of them.

"Howdy ma'am, I believe this lost little lamb belongs to you," Leon said, tipping an imaginary cowboy hat.  
"I dread to ask... so I won't," Hunnigan commented and moved to take over the duty of ensuring Helena stayed on her feet instead of falling flat on her ass.

"For the record, I didn't realize she can't hold her liquor until it was too late, so I'm innocent," Leon then said and Hunnigan chuckled softly.  
"I know, thanks for bringing her home."

"No problem. Good night," he smiled before turning to head out.  
"Night," Hunnigan responded and closed the door before helping Helena peel off her clothes and guiding her to the bedroom. Helena slumped onto the bed, pulling Hunnigan with her and turned to face the older woman.

"Boop," she then said and poked Hunnigan's nose with her fingertip, her face lighting up with a brilliant (albeit drunk) smile as she did so and apparently found Hunnigan's somewhat agitated sigh highly amusing.

"You're surprisingly annoying when you're drunk," Hunnigan smirked, her voice somewhat stuffy because Helena was still pressing her finger on her nose and across her lips.

"And you're surprisingly secretive," Helena pouted, patting Hunnigan's nose. The older woman swatted her hand away from her face and rubbed her nose to get rid of the tickling sensation that lingered. She then captured Helena's hand into her own to keep the younger woman from continuing her drunken antics.

"I know," she muttered.  
"I mean, we've been together for, like, over two years, you should've told me, there was time."

"I know," Hunnigan repeated.  
"And sure, it doesn't make a difference in practice, but I feel that I deserved to know sooner."

"I know."  
"You sound like a broken record, is that seriously all you've got to say?" Helena scoffed.

"Well, what am I supposed to say? What is there to say? You're right, I should've told you, but I didn't and I'm sorry that I didn't, and that's... pretty much all I can say," Hunnigan reasoned.  
"Fine, but I still want you to fight with me for three days because I'm bored."

"I... what?" Hunnigan scoffed.

"Leon has a theory that I pick fights with you because I get bored if everything's too calm for too long."  
"You didn't tell him about Emily, did you?"

"Give me some credit," Helena rolled her eyes, "Of course not, and what the hell would he care even if I had told him? Though, I'm surprised he didn't know, he was around when you were expecting, wasn't he?"

"True, but most our interactions happen through phone or otherwise not in person, he rarely sees more than what's above my shoulders," Hunnigan explained.  
"Still, someone must've noticed."

"Well, director Shepard knows, I had to tell him why I wanted to use up all my accumulated overtime and vacations at once. But other than that, you'd be amazed. Most people probably thought I'd gained weight and were too polite to just ask, and when it became impossible to hide it with clothes, I was off to my leave."

"I'm surprised Shepard agreed to that," Helena smirked.  
"He probably wouldn't have if I hadn't said I wouldn't be needing the maternity leave afterward," Hunnigan chuckled.

"Emily's a great kid, I kinda wish you'd kept her," Helena murmured, half-asleep as she was beginning to pass out.  
"I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have turned out as great if I'd had a hand in raising her," Hunnigan confessed.

"...yeah, and you would've named her One," Helena then realized and Hunnigan laughed softly.  
"There's that too," she agreed in a whisper.

"I'm still kinda mad at you," Helena then grumbled, her words in contradiction with the way she snuggled closer to Hunnigan, burying her face into the other woman's chest.

"I don't blame you," Hunnigan said and ran her fingers through Helena's hair.

"Oh, my God, I just realized that this is what penis-envy must feel like," Helena then proclaimed suddenly.  
"I already regret asking, but... what are you talking about?"

"I hate that I couldn't have been Emily's father."  
"Jesus," Hunnigan chuckled, "Even if it had been physically possible, at the time you were eighteen and running off to join the military," she pointed out.

"For your information, I wasn't 'running off', I enlisted for the incentive money, which I then used to help pay for Deborah's schooling, so don't even dare to imply that I wouldn't have made a responsible father," Helena lectured.

"All right, I admit you'd make a great dad," Hunnigan humored the younger woman.  
"I so would!" Helena exclaimed, "I'd teach the kid to fly a helicopter and how to play the drums."

"I didn't know you could play the drums," Hunnigan frowned.  
"I can't, but I'd learn to and then I'd teach. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"I would _not_ let you name our child Two," Helena finished her mini-rant and passed out.  
"You are such a ridiculous woman sometimes," Hunnigan smiled and kissed the sleeping woman's forehead softly.

* * *

Helena woke up to the loud rumble of thunder. The storm she'd been hoping for earlier had finally arrived and was tearing at the trees outside. Helena didn't feel hungover per se, but she could certainly tell she'd been drinking. Hunnigan was still asleep and Helena got out of the bed quietly. Catnip glanced over her as she passed his doggy bed, yawned and grumbled a little before settling back to sleep, deciding the human's antics weren't interesting enough to warrant getting up.

Helena went to grab a glass of water before heading to the study. She slumped on the couch there and sighed, still unable to decide how exactly to feel about everything that had been dumped on her recently. A part of her wanted to get angry, insisting that she'd been wronged... and while it was technically true, the other half that insisted getting upset over it would be pointless, because nothing would change no matter how furious she got.

"I hate this crap," she grumbled to herself and reached to grab the controller, switching the console on and hoping to get her mind off things by playing video games, but that didn't go over as planned either. She'd barely gotten to the co-op lobby before getting booted out.

 _A LAN cable is not connected,_ the console informed her.

"Yes, it is, you fucking-!" Helena yelled and almost threw the controller, but decided to take her frustration out by punching the couch cushion instead. It would be cheaper than having to buy a new controller... and replace whatever it would break upon impact. She sat there fuming for a moment before getting up and marching into the bedroom.

"Hunnigan, wake up," she said and shook the other woman's shoulder a little.  
"What?" Hunnigan frowned and sat up, reaching for her glasses and squinting at the clock. It was barely half past four in the morning.

"I can't get online and I need you to fix it."  
"Who am I, your tech support?" Hunnigan sighed.

"No, your setup is the reason I have this problem so if anything, you're like... the opposite of tech support," Helena argued and Hunnigan stood up, rolling her eyes and walking over to the study.  
"For heaven's sake..." she groaned and opened the laptop's lid, leaning sit on the edge of her desk and logged in.

"Don't complain to me, if you hadn't refused to do this the first time I asked, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Helena shrugged and crossed her arms over her stomach. Hunnigan inhaled deeply and cleared her throat as she grabbed the controller and went to check the console's online settings before proceeding to type out series of numbers on her computer.

"I didn't refuse, I said that you gotta forward ports," she mumbled as she did just that.  
"I don't even know what the fuck that means and you expected me to figure it out even though I asked you if you'd do it?" Helena argued.

"Well, I'm sorry, I forget that not everyone's a nerd!" Hunnigan snapped, finished typing and slammed the laptop shut, "There, go play!" she rolled her eyes then, put the computer away and stood up.

"Thank you! Was that really so fucking hard and so fucking much to ask!" Helena growled at her as she was exiting the room.  
"You know..!" Hunnigan began, turning on her heel, but cut herself off before finishing her sentence; instead she literally bit her tongue before clicking it and shaking her head.

"I am not going to stand here fighting with you over something as stupid as a minor case of miscommunication regarding port forwarding! Especially because I know that's not what we're really even fighting about, you just want an argument."

"You're right, I do want an argument!" Helena yelled.

"That's wonderful. I, on the other hand, want to go to bed," Hunnigan said and was about to leave again when Helena grabbed her arm and stopped her, knowing perfectly well that if she let Hunnigan go, the other woman would ignore the problem until it went away when Helena finally reached the point where she could no longer stand the silence and the sulking.

"I am so fucking furious at you for not telling me the truth sooner, but at the same time I know I shouldn't be, and now I'm stuck in this God damn loop of contradicting feelings, and I have nowhere to put them and I don't know what to do about them!" Helena shouted in exasperation.

"I understand, but I don't know what you expect me to do about that! I can't say anything that would fix it and I can't travel back in time either!"  
"I need you to help me with this! I need this fucking disgusting feeling to go away!"

"How! I would, you know I would if you'd just tell me how do I fix this!"

"I don't know," Helena whispered and slumped onto the couch, sucking in a shuddering breath and buried her face into her hands to hide her frustrated tears. Hunnigan went to sit beside her and slowly wrapped her arms around Helena, kind of expecting the younger woman to just shrug her off agitatedly, but instead, Helena gave into the embrace.

"I'm sorry," Hunnigan apologized, knowing it didn't make it better, but aware that there wasn't much more that she could say. Helena nodded and wiped her eyes, sighing deeply and nodding slowly as she pulled back from the embrace. They sat in silence for a long moment, listening to the storm that had quickly begun to pale in comparison to the storm brewing inside the apartment. Finally, Helena turned to face Hunnigan.

"I actually feel a little better now."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah. Yelling at you helped," Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan chuckled ruefully.

"Well, you're allowed to yell as much as you want about this, I'll give you that," she said.  
"I'll remember that," Helena scoffed amusedly, "Can we just kiss and make up?"

"I'd like that," Hunnigan nodded, even though they both knew it wouldn't be quite as simple. Helena would brood over this for a while longer whether she wanted to or not, the bad memories and all the hurt feelings bubbling up even long after, inevitably resulting in another argument. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but definitely soon. However, considering everything, Hunnigan was willing to let her have her argument, she felt Helena had deserved a free pass.

"I don't want to lose you over this," she said, leaning her forehead against Helena's and the younger woman shook her head a little.  
"You're not going to, I'm just hurt, but it'll heal in time."

"I'm gonna try to figure out how to fix this, I promise."  
"I know," Helena nodded and leaned to plant a light kiss onto Hunnigan's lips.


	13. Chapter 13

"Oh, for Christ's sake, what the fuck do you want?" Shannon spat when she discovered Helena at her doorstep.

"Well, you could start by offering a sincere apology for almost killing me," Helena shrugged and Shannon narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her stomach slowly.

"No? Didn't think so. We need to talk."

"If you're here to bitch about the punch or make infantile threats, don't waste your time," Shannon scoffed and Helena sighed.

"I'm here because I need to at least try making some kind of peace with you. Frankly, I think this petty war between us is ridiculous and has gone on long enough," Helena shook her head.

"Well, isn't that delightfully high and mighty of you," Shannon quirked an eyebrow and Helena groaned. For an adult Shannon certainly could be a real childish brat.

"I'm not going to try taking away your pleasure of hating me, but I want to know why do you hate me."

"I've been under the impression that the feeling is mutual, so how about you give me a reason first," Shannon sneered and Helena shook her head again.

"I don't hate you, Shannon. I find you irritating and I think you're a bitch, but I don't hate you. How could I, I don't know you well enough to have a reason for that. Your turn, what did I ever do to you?" Helena frowned.

She remembered Hunnigan's explanation for Shannon's behavior, but truthfully, the other woman had been hostile toward Helena long before Emily had ever even met her let alone grown fond enough of Helena to cause Shannon to feel insecure about it.

"Maybe I just have a sixth sense and knew from the start that you're nothing but trouble."  
"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say that Ingrid isn't the only one in this family who has access to classified files. Yours makes quite a fascinating read, little Miss Dishonorable Discharge," Shannon quirked an eyebrow and Helena mimicked the gesture, honestly surprised by what she heard.

"It was actually 'other than honorable discharge'. Pretty big difference," she pointed out and Shannon laughed.

"And considering the way you've been bouncing around from one agency to another... well, you must understand it's... suspicious. Now... and only now you seem to have settled down, but of course, you've been able to do that only because Ingrid's put her ass on the line for you. She's done you some pretty big favors at the risk of getting in trouble herself, but do you even care? No. I bet you never thought about it twice."

"That's not how it is."  
"Oh? Then how is it?" Shannon asked and Helena was about to answer, but realized she couldn't... because Shannon wasn't wrong exactly.

Hunnigan had risked a lot for Helena's sake, not just recently with the Tall Oaks-incident (which, admittedly, was Helena's most serious indiscretion to date), but every day since she'd agreed to start a relationship with Helena despite the fact that they were colleagues. While there were no rules stating that field agents shouldn't date their F.O.S. agents, it had to have an effect on how people thought of Hunnigan and how they regarded her ability to coordinate missions.

She'd allowed herself to be put in a position where her integrity, credibility and ability to remain objective could be questioned, and she'd done it voluntarily, for Helena. Of course, it wasn't like she wasn't getting anything out of it herself, but the fact still was that Hunnigan had risked and sacrificed a lot more for Helena than the younger woman had for her.

"No answer? Didn't think so. You're a selfish brat who doesn't give a fuck about anyone unless they can do something for you. I mean honestly, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you managed to get your latest post only after seducing Ingrid. I'm just waiting for you to start working on your next promotion and hoping you'll climb up someone else's leg for a change," Shannon spat venomously.

"You're definitely wrong about that!" Helena finally spoke. After thinking about it, she was more than willing to admit to being selfish and that she probably was anything but a shining example of self-control and making calm and calculated decisions, but she was not willing to let Shannon or anyone else degrade her relationship with Hunnigan by stating that Helena was just using Hunnigan.

"Think of me what you want, but don't ever question my feelings for your sister, and don't ever even imply that our relationship is less than what it truly is."

"What is it then, true love? Oh, please. Aren't you a little too old to be believing in such nonsense?" Shannon laughed.

"At least I'm not a jaded, bitter bitch about it," Helena shrugged, "I don't care what you want to call it or how much you wanna laugh at it, as long as you know that it is genuine."

"Well, congratulations, don't expect me to attend the wedding," Shannon rolled her eyes, "Now, was there anything else, or are you done bothering me?" she then asked and had already turned to go back in the house without even listening what Helena would say.

"She told me about Emily," Helena said and that caught Shannon's attention. She turned around, stepping closer to Helena and towering over her.  
"If you even think about telling Emily or blackmailing me with what you know, I _will_ kill you and this time I'll make sure you stay dead," she hissed.

 _You'd be amazed at how difficult that can be,_ Helena mused, but decided not to mention zombies.

"I'm not here to blackmail you or steal your daughter or anything else you might think I'm here for. I don't want you to have to worry about any of that. You're Emily's mother, no one is denying that, least of all Hunnigan. As far as she's concerned, she did the easy part," Helena said and while Shannon didn't let her guard down, she did seem to soften a little... but just a little.

"I'm not here to threaten you or make demands, I'm here to ask you to at least consider giving me a chance to prove to you that I'm not as shitty as you think I am... and that you wouldn't cut Emily out of our lives even if you undoubtedly want to..."

"Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to do just that, I won't. I wouldn't do that to Emily, because for some reason beyond my comprehension, she likes you."

"We're not gonna become friends, are we?" Helena sighed, realizing she'd been quite foolish when she'd even thought that it would be possible.  
"No," Shannon confirmed bluntly, "but I suppose a lousy truce is better than an all-out war, so I'll try to learn to tolerate you... for Emily and Ingrid's sake."

"That's all I'm asking," Helena nodded.  
"Good, 'cuz that's all you're getting," Shannon said, turned on her heel and headed into the house, slamming the door behind her without even saying goodbye to her uninvited guest. Helena scoffed.

 _Well, that actually went better than expected._

* * *

Hunnigan pushed her glasses to her forehead, rubbed her eyes and sighed before returning her attention back to the task at hand.

"Whatcha doin'?" Helena inquired as she entered the study, moved to stand behind Hunnigan and leaned down to wrap her arms around the other woman from behind.  
"Grown up-stuff," Hunnigan responded and leaned back into the embrace, continuing to work.

"And not even the fun-kind, I see," Helena commented upon noticing that Hunnigan was busy paying bills.  
"Paying bills is fun."

"Oh, honey. You've never had any actual fun, have you?" Helena asked, kissed her cheek.  
"It's fun because once all the bills are paid, the rest of the money is fun-money," Hunnigan explained her reasoning.

"Well, I guess you have a point," Helena shrugged and went to sit on the edge of the desk. The one thing she and Hunnigan had never fought over was money, which was kind of amazing considering how easily that tended to become a source of arguments for couples, and considering how the two of them could end up bickering over the dumbest things.

"Where were you?" Hunnigan then inquired.  
"I went to see Shannon," Helena confessed and Hunnigan seemed to deflate, sighing deeply and hanging her head a little.

"Oh, no."

"Don't panic, we didn't fight, on the contrary, we managed to agree to a truce of sorts. I mean, she still hates me, but I understand it better now. She also brought up a few things I wanted to talk to you about."  
"...all right?" Hunnigan said slowly, not sure she wanted to have this conversation.

"She called me a selfish brat and is convinced that I am just using you to advance my career... which isn't true."  
"I know."

"But what she said about my selfishness is true. I never really thought about all the shit that you have to put yourself through just because of me, all the way from office gossip to having to keep explaining our relationship to your family."

"Helena, I am with you because I want to be and whatever 'sacrifices' you think I've made, I've made because I wanted to. I love you and frankly, you mean the world to me, it's gonna take a lot more than some idle office gossip or nosy family members to get me to give you up," Hunnigan assured and went to stand in front of Helena, wrapping her arms around the younger woman's shoulders and leaning to kiss her softly.

"You're too good to me," Helena murmured into the kiss, stood up from the edge of the desk and pulled Hunnigan to herself.  
"Maybe we're just good for each other," the older woman suggested.

"You have a point," Helena commented and kissed her again, deeper this time while her hands roamed up along Hunnigan's sides and slowly slid over to cup her breasts. Hunnigan leaned into the other woman's touch, breaking the kiss to trail her lips along Helena's jawline and the side of her neck, pausing to bite the pulse point before turning her attention to Helena's ear, intent on taking full advantage of knowing the younger woman had sensitive ears.

Helena shuddered when Hunnigan breathed into her ear softly, a cascade of warm tingles running down from the back of her head and neck all the way across her back and to her hip. Hunnigan whispered something and Helena inhaled sharply when arousal lanced through her at the words and at the feeling of her breathy whisper in her ear. She didn't need a translator for that particular sentence, that one she knew by heart and that was all the incentive Helena needed. She wrapped her arm around Hunnigan firmly and brought the other down to grip the back of her knee, pulling on her and Hunnigan eased into the movement, pushing herself off the floor and into Helena's arms, wrapping her legs around the younger woman as she began carrying her to the bedroom.

* * *

"Y'know, this is totally an odd compliment, but you're the only woman I know who doesn't look the slightest bit silly when wearing a strap-on," Hunnigan said, leaning her head to her hand as she watched Helena when she got out of bed.  
"Know a lot of strap-on wielding women, do ya?" the younger woman taunted.

"I've seen few enough to know you're the coolest. Except if you do the-"  
"Hey, babe, check it out," Helena interjected, swayed her hips a little, causing the toy to bounce off of her thigh with a resounding smack.  
"Annnd there, you did it," Hunnigan burst into laughter with Helena.

"Don't blame me, I'm only mimicking what I've seen guys do," Helena said innocently and headed to the bathroom.  
"I never understood why they do that."

"Me neither, but if it makes them happy, who am I to judge?" Helena shrugged when she returned, sans the strap-on, and went back to bed, settling to lie on her back and focusing on the woman next to her. Hunnigan rested her head on Helena's bicep and frowned a little when she realized she was being stared at.

"What?" she asked. Helena continued her staring for a while longer, just smiling at her before breaking the silence.  
"Will you marry me?" she asked and Hunnigan scoffed amusedly.

"Ask me again when you're sober."  
"What are you talking about, I haven't been drinking, I am sober."

"No, you're high on some post-coital hormone cocktail that's making you delusional and clouding your judgment," Hunnigan smirked.  
"Fine, I'll ask you again in the morning."

"Yeah, you do that," Hunnigan chuckled softly, kissed Helena and snuggled closer, beginning to fall asleep in the warm comfort of her lover's arms.


	14. Chapter 14

Leon noticed the distinct gingerness in Hunnigan's step and couldn't have kept himself from commenting even if he'd wanted to.

"Trouble walking, agent Hunnigan?"

"An old adductor injury is acting up. I got it way back when I used to go horseback riding," Hunnigan dismissed his implication. Well, it wasn't a lie; it really was an old injury which had the tendecy to flare up under certain circumstances, especially if she spent prolonged periods of time in certain positions.

"Ah, been doing some riding," Leon grinned and Hunnigan sighed deeply. He was apparently intent on getting a lewd remark out of her.  
"Yes, I've been breaking in a particularly bull-headed young mare for over two years now, it's a miracle I can walk at all," Hunnigan indulged him.

"I'd pay to see that," he said sincerely.  
"Well, if I ever find myself that desperate for money, I'll remember your offer," Hunnigan smirked, made a detour to the break room with Leon and grabbed herself a coffee.

"Helena still on furlough?" he asked.  
"Yeah, for another week."

"Why did she get a week more than I did? I'm hurt."  
"Don't look at me, take it up with human resources," Hunnigan chuckled, continued further down the hall toward her office, waving a little over her shoulder as they parted ways.

She'd barely had a chance to sit at her desk when her phone made a noise.

 _Decided to sneak out before I had a chance to repeat my question, did you? For the record, it still stands and you can rest assured I am not currently under the influence of any post-coital hormone cocktail._

Hunnigan chuckled at the message and put the phone away, turning her attention to her laptop, deciding this was not the time or the place to think about this.

* * *

Helena frowned at Catnip upon noticing the dog was acting oddly agitated. He was pacing back and forth in front of the door, letting out tiny muffled grunts.

"I just took you for a walk, what's up?" she asked him. He glanced at her and continued his restless pacing and Helena went to grab his leash, thinking maybe he needed to go again. When she neared the door, Catnip bit onto the leg of her jeans and tugged her back, growling.

"Hey! What's wrong with you?" Helena frowned at him as he kept on pulling, obviously frustrated at the human's inability to understand. Then Helena heard the rustling sound in the hallway. It sounded like someone leaning to the door, trying to figure out the doorhandle.

"Chill, buddy, it's probably just mister Wertanen again," Helena sighed, rolling her eyes at the thought. He was an older gentleman who enjoyed his vodka and beer a bit too much, often so to the point of forgetting that his apartment was one floor higher, which had resulted in him trying his key into their lock a few times before. Helena moved to the door and Catnip resisted, his paws scratching on the floor as he tried to keep his stupid human from putting herself at risk.

"Oh, come on, you're being ridiculous," Helena scoffed at the dog and leaned to look through the peephole. It was not mister Wertanen.

* * *

Ingrid the Ice Queen rarely lost her cool despite often witnessing terrible things, but that was because up until now, she'd been lucky. Whenever shit had hit the fan, it had happened elsewhere and had been contained and dealt with... one way or another... before it had a chance to reach her doorstep or affect her personally. The field agents deployed to the scenes were trained for these situations and knew how to handle themselves, she rarely had to worry too much about them either (not even when the field agent in question was a lover or a close friend). So no, she didn't often have to worry too much... not until today.

"Oh, my God, was that a flashbang?" was the first thing Hunnigan could make out over the sound of gunfire and the ringing in her ears. What a stupid question, wasn't it obvious? She would've been more curious to know how the group currently tearing through the place had managed to find their location. For obvious reasons the HQ was masquerading as a simple holding company and as far as anyone looking in from the outside knew, they were like any other asset management company.

 _So whoever is busting in and tossing flashbangs has to have an inside source,_ Hunnigan thought.

Considering how far and how deep these terrorist groups seemed to reach, it wasn't a surprise. Frankly, Hunnigan was surprised it had taken this long for them to have received some tactical advice from someone who knew what they were doing. Wiping out or even temporarily incapacitating the D.S.O. would result in a full operational stand down which would leave the people behind the attack with a window of opportunity. It would be a small window, the other branches and agents would react within minutes upon noticing communication to the HQ had been severed... but if you were a field agent and in the dark regarding your options and important details like where the hell the extraction zone was... one minute became an eternity.

Hunnigan almost threw a punch when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she hadn't heard anyone sneak up on her for obvious reasons. She sighed, visibly relieved when she saw director Shepard.

"We have to get to the shelter," he said and Hunnigan agreed; it was the building's heart, meticulously shielded from any imaginable attack, the communication equipment there would still be up and running. Getting there would be the real challenge.

"Where's everyone else?" Hunnigan asked. As much as she appreciated his presence, she loathed the idea of being considered some kind of a damsel in distress who'd needed him to personally rescue her... even if technically that was kind of true. Hunnigan could handle herself if she needed to, she'd gone through the same basic training any D.S.O. agent had to go through even if they were just a "desk jockey", but it had been a while ago since her last training boot camp. And frankly, a few hours of half-assed training hardly prepared you for a real situation. She knew her weapons and how to handle them, but she never had one anywhere near her. Unlike Shepard, apparently. Then again, he was a former marine and confident with handling weapons, Hunnigan was sure he never left home without a gun.

"There weren't a lot of us around to begin with, most are still on their summer vacation. The ones who didn't get out are on their way to the shelter, Leon's handling that. You're the only loose end, agent Hunnigan," he grinned and checked his handguns once more. Sometimes Hunnigan was convinced that man enjoyed the fights.

"All right," she sighed, squared her shoulders and nodded, preparing to make a run for it.

Shepard flattened himself against the doorframe and took a quick a peek. He pulled back merely a fraction of a second before a hail of bullets impacted into the wall and flew past.

"Hu! I guess we're not going that way," he actually chuckled.

 _I'm gonna die here,_ Hunnigan thought.

* * *

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit," Helena hissed at the sight which greeted her as she looked through the peephole. The hallway was bustling with panicking people running out from the building. Someone had sounded the fire alarm which was admittedly good thinking, it was sure to get everyone's attention and get them to evacuate, and hopefully caught the emergency services' attention too, but the downside was the noise which had quickly attracted the infected and they were swarming over.

Her phone rang and she rushed over to it to silence it before it revealed her presence.

"Hunnigan?"  
 _"Helena, I... to the ranch... satellite and I think... you have to..."_

"Say again, I can't..."  
 _"Go...Emily... ranch and... here!"_

The call ended abruptly and when Helena glanced at her phone, it informed her that there was no service.

"Fuck!" she hissed and sighed then. Catnip circled her feet, restlessly expecting the human to figure something out and fast.

"All right... I guess we're going to the ranch," she decided. Helena rushed to the study and unlocked the safe. She holstered the handgun at her hip and slid the Hydra into the holster on her back, quickly buckled the utility belt on her waist and grabbed all the ammo she could carry.

"Now, what am I gonna do with you?" she asked from Catnip. He tilted his head to the side and whimpered.

"All right, buddy... let's go," she said, put the leash on him and snuck to the door. Deciding not to take any chances, she picked the dog into her arms and made a run for it.


	15. Chapter 15

It took Helena almost two hours to get to the rural part of the state and to Shannon and Ethan's ranch. Had she managed to drive it would've taken forty-five minutes tops, but she knew better and had been right not to even bother trying getting through the mass of panicking people, all trying to flee without realizing that everyone and their mother had the same idea, resulting in no one going anywhere. Not to mention the accidents that happened and blocked whatever little routes were left. So, Helena ran, the small Boston terrier keeping up with her pace the best he could, and when he grew too tired, she carried him.

Sweating and exhausted, she made her way up the private road that led to the house. There were no farm animals or pets, only a couple of horses, the main purpose of the place not to produce anything or serve as a resort. The chaos that had erupted in the city hadn't made its way over here yet, at least not as far as Helena could tell. The vehicles parked in the driveway implied that the owners were home, everything looked normal... until she got closer.

Catnip was the first to react, he could hear and sense something being wrong long before Helena could. A low growl emanated deep from his chest and he wriggled in Helena's arms, insisting that the human let him go, he had to rush over to protect the family. Helena picked up the pace and followed him, the noises of struggle becoming audible to her too as she neared the door.

Helena tried the door and it was locked. She slammed herself against it a few times, but it wouldn't budge. Finally, she drew the Hydra from the holster on her back and fired at the door, obliterating the lock. When she got into the house and rushed to the kitchen, she found Shannon struggling to keep her infected husband at an arm's length. Helena was about to go help her when Shannon grabbed a knife and drove it into his temple. Ethan made a gurgling sound, his body jerking and twitching a little before going limp and collapsing to the floor.

Shannon breathed hard through clenched teeth before seemingly sobering up, looking around frantically until she located Emily. The girl was hiding underneath the table, hugging Catnip who'd rushed to her the moment Helena had opened the door.

"Don't look, sweetie," Shannon said softly, shielding the girl's eyes as she reached to pick her into her arms and carried her out of the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" she then asked from Helena.  
"Your sister sent me. We have to get to the HQ, it'll be safe there... I think. We were cut off before she could give me proper instructions."

"Mind telling me what the hell is going on here?"

"I don't know. I mean..." Helena sighed. How the hell was she supposed to start explaining any of this so that it would make sense to a person who presumably had no idea that zombies existed outside B-grade horror movies.

"Are you hurt?" Helena then asked.

"I'm fine," Shannon spat, obviously displeased at not receiving an answer. If Ingrid had sent Helena, she _had_ to know what was going on, she was obviously just choosing not to tell Shannon, and that irritated her. She reached for her cigarettes, lit one and inhaled the smoke deeply.

"We have to get moving," Helena said. Shannon didn't respond, merely continued smoking and stared at her hand, her wedding ring to be more precise.

 _He never did have any sense of style,_ she thought and took the ring off.

"Shannon?"

"Relax, I heard ya!" she snapped, put the cigarette out and picked Emily into her arms. The girl buried her face into her mother's shoulder and clung to her, not crying or showing any other signs of being affected by what had happened. She was probably in shock. Helena noticed Shannon wasn't showing much signs of being fazed by the events either.

"So, what's the plan?" Shannon asked, stood up and headed upstairs. Helena frowned at that but followed her regardless, Catnip strutting behind them as well.

Helena didn't really have a plan, normally under these circumstances Hunnigan had been the one who had come up with a plan and she'd been there to ensure it worked by providing support, relaying intel between the field agents, coordinating the entire situation and ensuring everyone was able to do their jobs. Helena hated to say it, but she was rather lost now that she was unable to establish contact to the HQ.

 _I hope she's okay._

"We should... try to get to the D.S.O. headquarters. I have no idea how we'll get there though. Driving isn't an option."  
"We can take the horses. You know how to ride?" Shannon quirked an eyebrow.

"I'll figure it out," Helena assured her, managing to sound almost confident.

"You'd better, I ain't waiting around for you," Shannon commented and went to grab a locked box from the top shelf of the bedroom closet. She sat on the bed, Emily still in her lap, refusing to let go of her. Shannon unlocked the box and took out a handgun and slid the clip into place. The way she handled the weapon told Helena the woman knew what she was doing.

"You don't... seem very... fazed," Helena murmured then when they headed outside and toward the stables.

"A few tours in Afghanistan can do that to a person. Or so I've heard," Shannon muttered, recalling very well all the arguments she'd gotten into with Ethan after her latest deployment. According to him, she'd changed after her last tour. She didn't agree.

"You're..?" Helena began to ask and Shannon sighed loudly. This was hardly the time for stupid chit-chat.  
"Major Shannon Moore, at your service... corporal," she quirked an eyebrow, not missing the opportunity to bring up the fact that she outranked Helena by a mile.

 _So, that's how she knew the details of my discharge,_ Helena mused.

Shannon wasn't interested in carrying on the conversation further; instead she knelt down and softly convinced Emily to let go long enough for her to saddle the horses and the girl reluctantly obeyed, focusing on petting Catnip, the dog dutifully sitting beside the tiny human, ready to protect and serve.

"What happened here?" Helena finally asked.

"Ethan came home from the city, he said something had happened, that there were cops and ambulances everywhere, but he hadn't stuck around to find out what was going on, he felt sick and went to lie down. A few hours later he came back downstairs and... well, you saw the rest," Shannon muttered almost inaudibly. She hoped Emily hadn't seen everything, but knew it was probably a fool's wish.

"So, how about you tell me what the hell it was that happened to him? I doubt he took bad drugs. He could be an idiot, but he wasn't an addict," Shannon then said.

"Zombies," Helena said simply. Shannon paused and deadpanned for a long moment, just staring at Helena. This was not the time for bad jokes, but Helena didn't seem to be joking.

"Great," Shannon muttered and continued saddling the horse. When she was done, she boosted Emily up and then climbed on herself. Helena followed her example, but with less confidence. She lifted Catnip onto the horse's back (he let out a disgruntled snuffle at being handled that way and at the high altitude he suddenly found himself at) and flung herself up as well, wrapping her arm around the dog to keep him from jumping off or falling.

Shannon pulled on the reins and the horse turned to leave the ranch. Helena followed her example and grunted. Riding a horse and staying on its back when it began trotting steadily instead of just walking was a lot harder than it looked. She prayed the horse was good tempered and wouldn't decide to launch itself into a full gallop.

* * *

The shelter was reinforced and served its purpose, but it did have one major design flaw. There was only one exit. Hunnigan and Shepard had managed to make their way in there as had Leon and the rest of the agents who were in the building, but getting out would be impossible. Keeping the hostiles at bay was also becoming a challenge on its own; they were outnumbered and outgunned.

"Any day now, Hunnigan," Leon commented in his usual tone as the agent typed out commands, scanning the city via satellite and trying to establish a link to another office or the military.

Usually Shannon was her military contact, allowing her to mobilize troops a lot faster than she would've been able to had she needed to do it via the official channels. Hunnigan did have the blessing from the political higher ups (or she obtained it afterward upon having pointed out that she'd been right), but the truth was that when most of the terrible things were happening, these men were at the golf course, unaware that while they were stalling at giving out the orders, people were dying, Hunnigan didn't have the time for the politics. That was when the big sister came to her rescue (and to the rescue of all the civilians that were saved only due to Hunnigan overstepping her boundaries to ensure help got there in time).

But now, Shannon was in the middle of it herself, out of reach. Hunnigan had seen her car at the ranch when she'd taken a moment to check it via the satellite and made that quick call to Helena... but that was all she knew, she didn't have the time to track them. She could only pray Helena had understood the message and gone there.

"I think I got it," Hunnigan muttered and sent the message.

 _HQ compromised. Need immediate backup._

The link wasn't stable, but it got the job done.

 _Copy. Hold your position. Teams mobilized._

"Okay, now we just gotta-" Hunnigan began, but left the rest unsaid. A sharp, burning pain lanced through her side and when she looked down, she saw the red roses of blood seeping through the white of her shirt.

"Hunnigan!" Leon gasped and went to catch her when she collapsed. He eased her to the floor and pressed his palms against the wound.

"Cover us," Shepard ordered the other agents and they did as they were told while the director hurried to the first aid station and then to Leon and helped him move the wounded agent to a safer spot. Hunnigan grunted when Leon pressed a pile of gauze against the wound. For a while he had hope that it would be enough to keep her stable until help arrived, but then she began sounding like she couldn't breathe.

"Shit, the bullet must've gotten her lung," Shepard cursed and began hurriedly rummaging through the first aid kit.

"What do we do?" Leon asked, hoping Shepard had some kind of a plan because he sure as hell wasn't ready to watch one of his closest friends die today.

"She needs a chest tube or she'll drown in her own blood," Shepard said and pulled out the intubation kit, "This ain't gonna be pleasant, but it's better than the alternative," he then said to Hunnigan and pulled her shirt up, wiping the blood from the skin to be able to see better and pressed the scalpel against her skin, made the cut and inserted the tube.

"I know, I know it hurts... Come on, stay with me... You'll be fine," Shepard assured her when blood began to flow through the tube. She wasn't sure she believed him.


	16. Chapter 16

A Neo-Umbrella sleeper cell and one rogue agent who agreed with the idea of artificial evolution and wiping out the majority of the planet's population in the name of doing humanity a favor. That was all it took for things to escalate to the state that they had. That, and the general stupidity of people when they panicked and made terrible decisions, inevitably getting themselves or others killed. It truly was just human nature. Sometimes Helena could understand the tempation to do a little cold-blooded culling. Could understand, yes. Agree with it or the methods she'd witnessed being used? No.

She couldn't help but wonder how many more incidents like this she'd have to live through. How many more could she possibly survive? Even with her luck and experience, surely there was a limit. What would it take to make it stop? The destruction of the global economy and currency undoubtedly. If money and certain resources of the world ceased to be useful, the need to develop new, vicious means to wage war would also cease to be important. War would no longer be a profitable business.

 _That'll never happen._

Helena was the first to admit she'd never really been one to use such nonsense sentences as "Won't someone, please, think of the children" when trying to justify doing something, but as she sat at the hospital waiting area with a traumatized six year old clinging to her like her life depended on it, she had to wonder what the hell kind of a world the next generation would be left with. So far it didn't look too promising.

 _I'll just have to work my ass off to fix it, won't I?_ Helena thought, smiled a little as she ran her fingers through Emily's hair. The girl hugged her tightly, her thumb stubbornly trying to make its way to her mouth despite her attempts at hiding the childish act of seeking comfort.

"It's okay," Helena whispered for the hundreth time, hoping she was as convincing as she knew she needed to be despite not having any certain answers either.

* * *

"Ow, crap," Hunnigan grunted at the pain radiating from her side.  
"Fuckin' nerd, didn't anyone teach you how to dodge a bullet?" Shannon taunted her younger sister who was confined to a hospital bed.

"It's your fault for not being there to rescue me," Hunnigan rolled her eyes at her.  
"I can't always be there to save your ass, this isn't third grade, Iggy, you should look after yourself like I told you."

"I recall you telling me to tackle my bullies and stomp on their faces until they choke on their own blood."  
"Well, it's either that or the boring 'rise above it'-bullshit," Shannon shrugged, "What is it with you and lung injuries anyway?" she frowned then.

"I wish I could tell you," Hunnigan sighed, "I'm glad you're safe. As tough as you can be, I was worried."  
"I hate to admit it, but Helena helped. A little," Shannon shrugged.

"The infection didn't spread much past downtown, there were a few isolated incidents, but the military and CDC set up roadblocks and quarantine zones which kept things relatively tidy," she summarized then. Apparently she'd been let into the details of what types of attacks the D.S.O. dealt with exactly. Well, frankly, it was about time. If anything, it was amazing she hadn't been informed of all this prior to now.

"The clean up will take a few days, but after that... I guess you wouldn't know anything happened unless you were there personally," Shannon then added absently, her thumb reaching to push against the spot where her wedding ring had been.

"Everyone else?" Hunnigan asked slowly, kind of worried what she'd hear.  
"Emily's with Helena, and your dog's fine too. Ethan didn't make it."

"I'm sorry," Hunnigan whispered and Shannon nodded silently.

"How's Emily holding up?"  
"She's... I don't know. She was there when Ethan... I don't know what she saw, but she hasn't said a word since. I just hope she's not traumatized too badly," Shannon sighed even though it was a useless wish, how could she not be?

"She's a tough kid, just like you always were. She'll be fine," Hunnigan said and managed to sound so convincing even Shannon believed her.

"I'm gonna go tell Helena that you're awake, I'm sure she'll want to see you."  
"Thank you. And thanks for trying to get along with her."

"Eh, don't thank me, I figured I could trip her and stall the zombies if things got too rough, she's just a human shield to me," Shannon shrugged. While she wasn't joking in the sense that if the situation had required her to either save herself and Emily or save Helena, she would've abandoned the young woman in a heartbeat, she did have to admit that after seeing her in action and seeing how hard she'd worked to help keep everyone safe, Shannon was beginning to understand what Ingrid saw in Helena. Barely, but it was good enough for now.

* * *

Hunnigan lied back, her knees bent to support the laptop on her thighs, the edge of it dug into her belly, a pile of pillows supporting her neck, arms and back. Helena sighed at the sight of her and was tempted to grab the computer and toss it out, but decided not to do that. Yet. Instead, she went to sit on the edge of the bed and proceeded to serve her patient the mug of coffee she'd requested.

"Thanks," Hunnigan smiled and returned her attention to the computer then. As comfortable as she looked, she wasn't vacationing or resting. Technically she was on sick leave until the wound healed at least, but Helena had learned long ago that Hunnigan wasn't the type who knew how to sit still for prolonged periods of time. Instead, here she was, working on incident reports, compiling timelines and figuring out who was where and did what when it all went down, dug up pieces of evidence to find and judge the persons responsible.

"Are you gonna keep working the entire day or were you planning on joining the cuddle pile Catnip and Emily are getting started on as we speak?" Helena smirked and Hunnigan glanced at the watch. She'd been working for several hours now, she hadn't noticed time passing.

"Depends on what we're watching. I don't think I can tolerate another episode of _My little pony: Friendship is magic_ ," Hunnigan answered and Helena chuckled.

"Yes, you can, for Emily's sake," she commented and Hunnigan sighed, the younger woman was right.

Emily had spent the past few nights at her and Helena's apartment, unwilling to stay at home during the night after what had happened. Hunnigan couldn't blame the girl. As much as Shannon hated the arrangement, she allowed Emily to stay, what else was she going to do? At least the girl was talking again, albeit not as much as she'd used to. Nowadays she was more interested in either playing Duck Tales or playing with Catnip than chatting.

Emily climbed to sit on Helena's lap, dragging the poor dog with her and Helena grunted at once again having her limbs and gut injured by the reckless child's careless knees and elbows. Emily didn't notice or didn't care, instead she wiggled in Helena's lap to find a comfortable position and leaned back then, Catnip settling to lie on the girl's lap and panting happily as she pet him.

Hunnigan decided to use Helena as a pillow as well, leaning her back against the younger woman's arm, her neck supported by Helena's shoulder. Contrary to what Helena had hoped, Hunnigan had brought the laptop with her and was once again busying herself with it. Sighing, Helena decided to let it go and focused on watching the escapades of the animated ponies with Emily.

A couple of hours later, Helena frowned when she glanced at her watch and wondered where Shannon was. It was getting late and she should've been here to tuck Emily in... not that the girl needed to be tucked in, she was already passing out on Helena's lap.

"She's not answering her phone," Hunnigan whispered when Helena asked her to call Shannon.  
"Damn it. Okay, uhm... How about I go check up on her?"

"Helena..."  
"I know, we're not buddies or anything, but you're injured and you're Emily's m... you should stay with her until Shannon gets here."

Hunnigan exhaled deeply and massaged her temples tiredly.

"No. I'll go. You going over would just piss her off," Hunnigan shook her head and began to get up.

"But you're..."  
"I'm not an invalid, I'm fine. She's my sister, I got this. You stay with Emily," Hunnigan insisted, got up gingerly and began to head out.

* * *

Hunnigan couldn't say that she was surprised to see Shannon was drunk. As much as she would've wanted to scold her for that, she decided not to. Now if ever she had a valid excuse for drinking, which wasn't always the case with her.

"We were worried about you," Hunnigan said as she stepped into the house and Shannon scoffed.  
"Great."

"I know you don't think very highly of me or Helena, but it's true. Are you okay?"

"Well, let's see. I recently killed my husband who had turned into a fucking zombie and literally tried to eat me alive. On top of it all, my daughter was there to see it and is probably traumatized for life because of it. Oh, and zombies exist. Everything's just fucking peachy," Shannon scowled and poured herself a fresh drink.

"I understand that it's a lot to process, I really do. I just don't want you to let yourself go."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, huh? The fuck do you know about it?"  
"Nothing, I've never had to make decisions like that, that's true. But I've seen a lot of..."

"Listen, I get that you're trying to show support or whatever, but don't waste your breath. Just, do me a favor and look after Emily while I try to sell this fucking house and get a new place where she can sleep at least," Shannon dismissed Hunnigan's efforts.

"All right..."  
"And don't think of this as me abandoning her when she needs me, I'm trying to get everything back to normal for her," Shannon then spat and Hunnigan held up her hands in a surrendering gesture.

"I wasn't thinking that or saying anything of the sort, on the contrary, I understand."  
"Good."

"If anything, I'm worried Helena's getting ideas," Hunnigan said slowly and took a seat on the couch. Shannon fixed her a drink and Hunnigan accepted it despite not really feeling like having one.

"What do you mean?" she asked, agitation already bubbling underneath when she even considered the fact that Helena might be interested in trying to start some kind of a custody fight over Emily.

"Calm down, it's not what you think," Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow as if having read Shannon's mind, "I know you don't think much of Helena, but give her some credit, she'd never be foolish enough to attempt coming between you and your cub," she then smirked.

"For her sake, I hope you're right because if she tries, I'll tear her apart with my bare hands."  
"I don't doubt it, but what I meant was that I worry that after spending a lot of time with Emily, Helena might want kids of her own, and..."

"And you don't."

"I know that considering my stage of life I should technically be ready for kids, but I'm really not, and I doubt I'll ever be. If Helena decides she wants them, it would become a problem," Hunnigan muttered. The younger woman could be so stubborn about mundane things, Hunnigan didn't even want to imagine how intolerable the situation would undoubtedly become if she got her heart set on having kids.

"Well, you could always just dump her," Shannon shrugged nonchalantly before sipping her drink and Hunnigan sighed.  
"That's your solution to everything, huh?"

"It would certainly be to the problem you're talking about."

"You still don't understand that she's good to me and for me. Contrary to what you seem to think, she's never done anything to hurt me, in any way. I love her, and I know she loves me, why do you have to be such a bitch about it? Can't you just be happy for me?"

"I'm a petty and vindictive woman, I can't be happy for others," Shannon taunted, knowing perfectly well what her reputation among the family was. Ingrid was the patient one who made efforts to solve problems, Shannon was the bitch who preferred destroying the problem, and she owned it.

"Oh, baby sis, I've tried, but it's hard when the person you're with is such a..."  
"Bitch like you," Hunnigan interjected.

"Well, whaddaya know, we do have something in common," Shannon chuckled, "That and the fact that we both care about you."

"...she asked me to marry her," Hunnigan said and Shannon literally spat out her drink. Hunnigan recoiled at the sudden reaction; she'd never seen anyone actually do that outside sitcoms.

"Don't tell me you agreed."  
"I didn't get a chance to say anything, things went to hell before I could say anything or really even think about it seriously."

"Well, there's an omen," Shannon chuckled and Hunnigan sighed deeply. This was getting so old.

"Just stop. Do you have any idea how exhausting your negativity is? Or how bad it makes me feel to realize that the people who should be happy for me would rather just put me down whenever something nice happens to me? Do you have any idea how much it hurts?" she spat and stood up furiously, beginning to pace back and forth with her hands on her hips.

"You don't approve, I get it, you don't need to keep reminding me. God, sometimes I'm sure that if it weren't for Emily, I would've stopped talking to you altogether years ago!"  
"That can be arranged!" Shannon hissed, standing up as well and mimicking the younger sister's hostile stance, emphasizing hers by leaning forward a little.

"Don't even-"  
"Y'know, I don't get you! You don't want kids, you didn't want Emily, and yet you take it upon yourself to have a bitch fit if I-"

"It's different!" Hunnigan interrupted and took a deep breath, trying to calm down before she'd say something she'd really regret.

"When she was born, she served as a reminder of Dean, and I sure as hell didn't need that," she said and Shannon understood the logic of that. Hunnigan hadn't been actively involved in Emily's life for the first couple of years, she'd never even held the child when she was a baby.

"Even if I could've looked after her at the time, I would've just grown to resent her because of who her father is."  
"Well, you're smart enough to know it's not the kid's fault the barbarian raped you."

 _"I KNOW!_ That's my point!" Hunnigan yelled, her fingers finding the scar on her eyebrow, feeling it instinctively like they always did whenever Dean became the topic of conversation.

"It isn't Emily's fault, but had I kept her, I would've made her think it was. I don't regret giving her away, you're a better mother than I ever could've been, and it was the right thing to do, for Emily's sake as much as mine."

"I know..."

"And I do want to be a part of her life. I know you can't stand Helena, but she loves that kid too, and frankly, I'd imagine you understand that it's just a good thing. Especially now, Emily needs to be with people she can trust and who love her."

"I know," Shannon repeated, "The only reason I've put up with Helena this long is because Emily adores her."

"And you shouldn't hate Helena for it. Yeah, she's the cool aunt with the games and stuff, but at the end of the day, the one person Emily really needs is her mother, and that's you."  
"I am."

"Good. Now, come on. Try to sober up and snap out of it, you've got a kid to tuck in," Hunnigan ordered and Shannon nodded slowly, following Hunnigan out and got into the car.  
"Oh, and... if for some reason this should ever become a topic of conversation... which I sincerely hope it won't... do _not_ tell Helena how exactly Emily was conceived."

"How can she not know, you told her about-"  
"Well, I told her about Emily, but the details are hardly dinner conversation, now are they?" Hunnigan sighed as she backed the car from the driveway and turned to head into the city.

"Besides, just hearing about the beatings was enough to make Helena go into full homicidal rampage-mode, I dread to think how she'd react to hearing about this."

"Homicidal rampage two-point-oh sounds about right."  
"You are forgetting that murdering him won't change anything, it would only get you in trouble for nothing."

"You should tell her. Especially if you're seriously considering the... ugh... marriage proposal."  
"You're right," Hunnigan agreed in a defeated sigh, "but I don't want to because the idea of her looking at me differently or treating me differently because of it makes me sick."

"You need to be honest and she needs to deal with it. If she can't, well, there's your answer. And if she ever does or says anything that would make you feel negatively about yourself because of what happened, that'll speak volumes of her true nature."

"It wasn't negativity I was worried about, it was pity; if she starts treating me like she's afraid I'll break, that would be just as shitty."  
"Well, only one way to find out."

"I guess," Hunnigan sighed again. She wasn't looking forward to having to tell Helena that there was one more teeny-tiny thingy she probably should've told her.

"Hey, there's another thing Helena and I have in common; we both want to kill Dean in a cruel and unusual way," Shannon realized, sounding a bit too happy about that.

"I know I should probably consider myself lucky, but I'm actually a little terrified."  
"Hey, just be glad we're on your side."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note:**

 **This can be kind of a rough chapter toward the end. No detailed descriptions of assault included, but I figure I should still give you a heads up. So... heads up.**

* * *

Emily had stopped paying attention to the escapades of the animated ponies long ago and was intently focusing on the veins on the back of Helena's hand and on her forearm. She trailed her finger along the thin vein that led from Helena's knuckle to her wrist and switched then to trail the thicker vein from the side of Helena's wrist up her forearm until it disappeared from view.

"What's on your mind, Emmibear?" Helena asked quietly as the child slid her finger back down along the same path and then concentrated on playing with Helena's fingers, tapping at her fingernails with her fingertip.

"Will you take care of me if something happens to my mom?" Emily then asked and Helena almost grunted at the feeling of her heart breaking when the girl said that.

"I'll do you one better; I'll make sure nothing bad happens to your mom."

 _Either of them..._

"I'll keep Catnip safe too," Helena then promised with a smile and Emily turned to look over her shoulder to see the woman.  
"What about me?" she asked.

"I'll protect you from anything you could even think of being afraid of," Helena assured sincerely.

"Even bugbears?" Emily asked and Helena chuckled softly.  
"Especially bugbears," she whispered.

The door opened and closed, and Hunnigan arrived into the living room with Shannon. Emily launched herself off from Helena's lap (her heel digging into Helena's thigh, and Helena was certain it would leave behind an impressive bruise) and ran to hug her.

"Hey, runt. Sorry I'm a little late," Shannon chuckled as she picked the girl into her arms.  
"It's okay. Can we go home?"

"Of course, if you want to?" Shannon asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise at the girl's request. Emily merely nodded eagerly.  
"Okay then, I'll call us a cab while you go pack your things," Shannon then agreed and Emily did as she was told. Shannon glanced over Helena and nodded a silent greeting. Helena frowned a little.

 _What, no snide remarks, no eyerolling, no exaggerated disgusted-face at the mere sight of me?_ she smirked to herself. Shannon ignored her. Apparently barely civilized was as warm as it would get.

After saying goodnight to Emily, Helena decided to go take a shower before bed. Hunnigan declined her offer to join her with a smile and went to bed herself, crossing her arms underneath her head and stared at the ceiling as she tried to think of a way to talk to Helena.

She already had a vivid mental image of how it would turn out. Helena would get annoyed before anything had even been said because Hunnigan had already once assured her she'd told her everything. Then she'd hear what it was about and would undoubtedly start spewing detailed descriptions of how she's gonna kill Dean. If she happens to be feeling dramatic enough, she might even rush out of the apartment, consumed by her need to hurt someone and not stopping to think long enough to realize she had no idea what Dean looks like, where to find him, or even his last name, leaving her with very little means to actually literally track him down to kill him.

She would explode with rage and need to satisfy the urge to somehow protect Hunnigan from her past, never realizing the other woman didn't need a hero nor did she want vengeance. Frankly, right now, she would've preferred a hug.

"Hunnigan?" Helena inquired quietly. The other woman didn't respond, she'd fallen asleep. Helena smiled and went to bed as well, gently wrapping her arm around Hunnigan, careful not to accidentally poke her injury.  
"I love you," Helena whispered. Hunnigan muttered sleepily something that could've been an answer, and Helena settled for it as she nuzzled into Hunnigan's neck.

* * *

Helena woke up when the back of Hunnigan's hand impacted on her cheek.  
"What?" Helena exclaimed and sat up, frowning as she wondered what the hell had she done to deserve being woken up with a bitch slap.

"Frustrated monkeys are watering my shoes, fuck off Laina," Hunnigan mumbled and Helena stifled a laugh when she realized Hunnigan was talking in her sleep. She did that quite a lot, sometimes she laughed in her sleep too. Helena had an impressive collection of nonsense she'd written down when she'd witnessed Hunnigan talk in her sleep.

"How extremely rude!" she scoffed at being told to fuck off, "Why are the monkeys watering your shoes?" Helena inquired with a soft chuckle then.

"Because life is a constant battle for pussy and chocolate milk. In that order."  
"Oh, my God, you have such a filthy mouth when you're asleep."

 _"Mon aéroglisseur est plein d'anguilles."_

"How dare you call me what you just said, take it back," Helena chuckled.  
"Banana flies aren't as annoying if you imagine that they're tiny fairies."

"I'm gonna have such a great time telling you all these things you've said," Helena laughed softly and reached to kiss Hunnigan's forehead gently.

"You're my purple pill."  
"...why?"

"Because life is sometimes sad, but the purple pill makes it all better," Hunnigan muttered and turned to lie on her side, facing away from Helena, ending the sleepy conversation and continuing her slumber unaware of having just made the younger woman's heart swell.

Hunnigan wasn't the romantic type on the outside and usually tended to show affection via actions rather than spend hours upon hours of telling about it. Helena didn't mind, but had to admit that actually hearing her say something occasionally did feel nice.

Helena couldn't get back to sleep, so instead she decided to slowly start waking Hunnigan up. It was a little was a little past six in the morning, it seemed reasonable enough. She moved to spoon Hunnigan, leaning to gently nuzzle into the older woman's neck and kissed it softly, slowly letting her hand slide over Hunnigan's hip and up her side (skipping the wound), over to her abdomen and finally wrapped her arm around the other woman. Hunnigan tilted her head back and turned it a little, seeking out Helena's lips and the younger woman moved to accommodate that, kissing the side of Hunnigan's mouth softly.

"I have a question," Helena whispered then.

"What is it?" Hunnigan asked, wiggling closer to Helena. This was her favorite spot in the world. She'd never felt as safe and protected as she did when she was like this, with Helena, feeling the younger woman's warm body pressed against her own, her arm around her, her breath in Hunnigan's ear. She had never even realized how much she'd wanted this kind of feeling of security; she'd never had it before in any sense of the word really, she had never realized what she'd been missing out on. Others hadn't been reliable, be it regarding simple matters as showing up on time or something more serious. But Helena... she was something else.

"What does 'mon-aero-glisser-at-plan-donkey' mean?" Helena asked and Hunnigan burst out laughing.  
"Uhm, I... I think you might be trying to say that your hovercraft is full of eels," she managed between breathless laughs.

"Not me, you're the one who said it in your sleep. You also told me to fuck off because monkeys were watering your shoes. I wish I knew what the hell you were dreaming of," Helena chuckled.  
"Oh, God. Well, at least I don't snore," Hunnigan shrugged, "Do I?" she then asked turning to look at Helena.

"Not that I know of," the younger woman chuckled. Hunnigan snuggled closer and closed her eyes, taking a few more moments to enjoy the feeling of being next to Helena like this. She sighed deeply when she remembered she'd need to have that conversation with Helena. Frankly, she worried that once she did, Helena wouldn't be here to hold her like this again. At least not until she got over being angry at... everything regarding what had happened.

 _What if she won't be able to deal with it all and will just... leave? I doubt it would be the first time something like that happened when..._ Hunnigan thought. Then again, Helena wasn't really the type who would do something like that, but she was also kind of unpredictable at times.

Even the best case scenario Hunnigan could think of was bad; Helena would be bothered by what happened, she'd try to shrug it off and pretend that she could still look at Hunnigan the same way as she had before, make love to her as she had before, but truthfully, she wouldn't. She'd be preoccupied, worried she'd accidentally hurt Hunnigan (never realizing she hadn't and wouldn't, that it wasn't possible to accidentally do that because Hunnigan wasn't as fragile as Helena would insist she was). She'd imagine one bad little thing after another, eventually becoming unable to bring herself to even touch the other woman because of her illogical fear of that somehow adding to the hurt someone else had caused a long time ago. What had once been a way of physically saying "I love you" would twist and mutate into something that caused shame and guilt, and the most ridiculous part of that all was that there was absolutely no reason for it.

 _Oh, God, no. Damn it,_ Hunnigan thought, wanting to kick herself when she realized she was tearing up and failed at keeping herself from making the tiniest little sniffle as she thought of the grim options she was facing. Helena wouldn't let it slide and knowing her, she'd think she'd done something wrong... especially once Hunnigan would tell her about what Dean did. Bad timing at its finest.

"Hunnigan? What's wrong? Did I hurt your side?" Helena asked, her voice full of genuine concern as she rose a little to be able to look at Hunnigan.

"No, you didn't. Please... please, please don't think that this is because of something you did," Hunnigan said, wiping her eyes and turned to face Helena, grunting a little as she settled to lie on her injured side to be able to look at the younger woman.

"...all right? I just... what happened?" she frowned, looking so confused and lost it was downright painful to see.  
"Ah... There's something else I haven't told you," Hunnigan began slowly and sat up.

"Are you kidding me!" Helena scoffed and slumped to lie on her back on the bed and Hunnigan sighed deeply.  
"I know you're angry, but please, listen to me and you'll understand why I didn't want to talk about it," she said quietly. Helena exhaled in exasperation and got up as well, moving to sit beside Hunnigan on the edge of the bed.

"All right, let's hear it," she said impatiently. Hunnigan nodded slowly, swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and decided to just get it out and be done with it, come hell or high water.

"You remember what I said about the last time I saw Dean, I was late?"  
"Yeah, that you got stuck at work."

"Well, I wasn't stuck as much as I was intentionally avoiding going home."  
"Why?"

"Because the day before I told him I was leaving him and he, uhm..."

 _...and he did every vile thing he could think of and no amount of trying to wash it away would ever make it go away..._

"He said something along the lines of needing to put me in my place and he... raped me."

 _...over and over and then he just went to sleep like nothing had happened, and I..._

"That was when... and how... Emily was conceived."

 _...must've spent hours just trying to scrub off my blood, and his sperm, and the feeling of his hands on me, but the God damn filth just won't..._

"That's why I couldn't keep her, and why I didn't tell you everything right away, this isn't... it takes time and I'm..."

 _...ashamed of my weakness but at the same time, I'm so furious at the mere thought of you labeling me a victim, I'm not, I'm..._

"I don't know, I was just worried... well, still am, that you'd see me differently. I don't want that, I don't want you to think that..." Hunnigan trailed off, not really knowing how to word it. The muscles in Helena's jaw tightened as she ground her teeth together, staring absently at the floor as she listened, her entire being tense.

"Helena?"

The younger woman balled her hands into fists, her fingernails digging so deep and so forcefully into her palms it broke her skin, leaving behind bloody red crescent moon-shapes.

"Please, say something."


	18. Chapter 18

As unpredictable as Hunnigan knew Helena could be, she still hadn't ever imagined that her reaction would be what it turned out to be. Instead of exploding into homicidal rage, she turned to face Hunnigan and slowly wrapped her arms around the other woman, gently pulling her into a tight embrace and held onto her.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," she said. Hunnigan was dumbfounded, too surprised by Helena's reaction to even comment.  
"I understand why you didn't say anything. I understand a lot of things a little better now. I can't even imagine what it must've been like to live through that and with it."

"I've... had time to come to terms with it," Hunnigan managed to answer slowly.  
"Well... just know that I'm here if you need me," Helena said quietly, "And I _will_ kill him if I ever find out what he looks like or what his last name is so that I can track him down," she added then, and she was not joking.

"Look, Helena, I appreciate the whole white knight-routine, but it's not what I want or what I need," Hunnigan sighed and shook her head a little.

"What do you need then?"

"I just need you to _not_ start coddling me or treating me differently because of what you know. I want everything to be normal. That's all I've ever wanted," Hunnigan muttered. Normal could be so boring... but at the same time, it was an oddly elusive state of being for her.

Helena didn't comment, just nodded to silently agree. Hunnigan frowned a little, unsure what to make of it all. Funnily enough, she would've known how to deal with the younger woman if she had gone berserk; witnessing her behave so calmly threw Hunnigan off.

Of course, it was all just surface. Underneath it was a dark mess, bubbling with red hot fury, venom and acid, all the grim feelings dripping through Helena's insides, making her feel physically sick as they went, but she couldn't say as much out loud.

"So... I guess hoping he is in jail for what he did is too much to ask," Helena finally commented.  
"Yeah," Hunnigan confirmed

"Why?" Helena asked through clenched teeth.  
"Because I just wanted it to be over and done with, just like I still do!"

"You realize letting me kill him would be doing a public service."  
"Oh, I know, but that doesn't mean it's something you should do."

"Why the fuck don't you want him dead?" Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan sighed.

"Because wanting that wouldn't change anything! It would only wear me out and weigh me down... like it's doing to you now. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you, I knew this would happen, I knew it would consume you like this."

"I'm consumed by the fact that you're protecting your rapist!"

"I'm protecting _you,_ you idiot!" Hunnigan yelled through tears as she stood up furiously, "I'm trying to keep you from doing something stupid like ruining your life by killing a cop for no real reason since it wouldn't change a damn thing!" she spat and realized she'd said too much.

"He's a cop," Helena scoffed.  
"It doesn't matter!"

"So, you're perfectly fine just letting him keep getting away with it?"  
"I'm done having this conversation with you. Now you know, do with it what you will, but remember that this was the first and the last time I will stand here listening to you try to guilt me about it or blame any of it on me!"

"I wasn't..." Helena began to say, but cut herself off. Hunnigan had already marched out of the room, pulling on clothes furiously and heading out, slamming the door shut behind her with such force the mirror by it rattled. Besides, Hunnigan was right. Now that Helena rewound the words she'd used and how she'd said them, they did all sound like accusations.

"And the 'Shittiest Girlfriend Of The Year'-award goes to... this gal," Helena sighed deeply, pointed her thumb at her chest and buried her face into her hands then.

* * *

"Wow, you look like shit," Shannon commented when she answered the door and let Hunnigan in.  
"I feel like it too," the younger woman agreed and followed Shannon into the house.

"You told her."

"Yes, and she took it about as well as I'd thought she would," Hunnigan sighed and slumped onto the couch. Shannon didn't comment, instead she handed her a White Russian and sat next to her. Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow at the offered drink.

"It's not even noon!"  
"So what? Like the world's gonna end just because we get wasted before noon," Shannon rolled her eyes.

"Where's Emily?"  
"At school, stupid."

"So, you think it's okay for us to be sitting here, drunk off our asses when she gets home?"  
"Oh, honey, I won't be drunk. You might be, but that's the difference between high functioning alcoholics and amateurs like you," Shannon chuckled and sipped her drink.

"You do realize there's nothing cool about being a high functioning alcoholic," Hunnigan muttered at the pride the older sister took in being able to down a bottle of vodka and still look and act sober.

"It's my only natural talent, now shut up and drink with me, and tell me all about your fight with your inconsiderate and selfish girlfriend," Shannon rolled her eyes and Hunnigan let out a small chuckle.

"I know how she feels, believe you me, I'm more than aware of what it's like to feel totally powerless to change things, past or present. She just doesn't know how to deal with any of this now that her usual method of just shooting the problem isn't an option," she muttered and sipped the drink Shannon had made for her.

"Are you okay?"  
"Actually... yes. I'm relieved, it's all in the open now, every single thing, I have no secrets left. If it all ends up ruining my relationship with Helena, well... then I guess you were right about her not being good enough," Hunnigan shrugged and Shannon's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Well... I'm speechless."  
"What about you, how are you holding up?" Hunnigan changed the subject. Shannon shrugged.

"It'll take some getting used to... but it's not like Ethan and I were exactly close during the past couple of years. Frankly, I'd been considering divorcing him for a while now... guess I should be glad I was saved the trouble."

"Shannon," Hunnigan scolded at the cruel remark.  
"Well, it's not like I wished him dead! Especially not in that manner. I just wanted him out of my life."

"How's Emily handling his death?"  
"I don't know if she's handling it at all. I mean... from the way she behaves, you wouldn't know she'd just lost her father. But like I said, it's not like Ethan was home a lot, he was practically a stranger."

"I guess that's a little blessing in disguise."  
"Yes," Shannon nodded. When he'd been home, he'd been a good father, but that happened so rarely it was a miracle Emily even considered him family.

"Remember when we were kids and I dared you to climb to the top of that pine tree?" Shannon suddenly asked. Hunnigan frowned a little as she tried to recall the incident.

"Yeah, I fell and broke my arm. Why?"  
"I've been meaning to apologize for that. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't egged you on despite knowing what could happen. So, I'm sorry."

"Well, I think the verbal beating you got from mom and dad about how you're supposed to look after me because I'm the baby sister was punishment enough," Hunnigan chuckled.  
"True, but I'm sorry."

"So, since you got started on this path, are you gonna apologize for the time you punched me in the nose and shoved me into the ditch?"  
"No, I did that on purpose and you deserved it for crossing over to my territory and stealing my wild strawberries," Shannon narrowed her eyes and smirked.

"You know, I think it's a miracle we get along half as well as we actually do," Hunnigan chuckled and Shannon laughed, nodding in agreement.

* * *

Helena pulled the weeds out of her way furiously before digging her fingers into the dirt to make a hole. Planting flowers at her sister's grave was the only gardening she cared to do. Right now it served as a distraction as well. She could've gotten one of those tiny shovels to do this properly, but at the moment, a little in her hands and under her fingernails suited her mood. When she was done, she watered the flowers and took a couple of steps back to admire her handiwork. The sun was shining warmly, heating the back of her black T-shirt and she sighed when it began to rain seemingly out of the blue.

"Seriously?" she mumbled to herself in the sunshower.

"The devil is beating his wife," a female voice commented.  
"Excuse me?" Helena frowned.

"It's something people say when the sun shines and it rains. The devil is mad because God created a lovely day so he takes it out on his wife by beating her. The rain is supposedly the wife's tears."

"I sincerely hope you didn't come all this way just to tell me that," Helena said as she stepped over to the woman. She was pale despite the summertime, ridiculously tall for a female, and so thin in bordered on unhealthy. Her long, light-brown hair was tied to a neat braid and her eyes were covered by tinted eyeglasses. She didn't look like an assassin and an intelligence officer; if anything she looked like she was cosplaying as Lara Croft, but Helena knew better.

"What are you expecting from me exactly? Finding someone on something as little as 'he's a cop in this city and his first name is Dean' is a challenge even for someone as good as me," the woman said and Helena narrowed her eyes.

"Cut the crap, Sterling. Did you find him or not?"  
"I did, but I'm still not sure I owe you that big a favor."

"Bullshit. When I worked at the CIA under you, I extracted intel with your blessing and your morally questionable methods, and I took the fall for it when shit hit the fan, you owe me a lot more than the cop named Dean," Helena spat and Sterling scoffed.

"Consider us even. And don't ever come running to me again with this kind of bullshit," Sterling said, shoved a folder into Helena's arms and turned to leave without any further goodbyes.

 _Gotta run, baby sis. I'll be back later,_ she promised Deborah's headstone and headed to the parking lot. Once in her car, she drummed her fingertips on the cover of the folder, trying to decide should she open it or not.

Knowing herself, she knew she would probably spend the rest of her days glaring at every male she encountered, looking for Dean's face in the crowd if she knew what he looked like. Even Helena didn't want to speculate what she'd do if she eventually actually did see him. Then again, the knowledge of having the information right here would eventually wear her out too, she might as well look.

Dean looked like the definition of an average guy. Hazel eyes, brown hair, nothing significant or insignificant about him. Not the kind of handsome type who made you look again, but not bad looking either. Just not... memorable. Deceptively harmless-looking if anything. They always were.

"Now... what am I going to do with you?"


	19. Chapter 19

When Hunnigan got home, Helena wasn't there. Instead, she'd abandoned an open folder on the table along with her mug of coffee. Hunnigan felt the side of the mug, it was cold. She frowned at the paperwork then and picked it up. It took her a moment to realize what exactly she was reading. Other than a very detailed file about Dean, alongside of it was a medical record from roughly six years ago. Namely, a copy of Hunnigan's medical record from her trip to the ER, the simple piece of paper bringing back a flood of bad memories with its detailed description of every tear, cut and bruise. Considering the damage done, she had to marvel the human body's capability of healing.

She crumpled the paper and threw it into the trash and repeated the same with the file about Dean. She didn't even want to speculate how Helena had managed to get her hands on those documents. For a while she was furious at the blatant violation of privacy; Helena had no God damn right to do something like this. The anger quickly subsided when she realized something else.

The file on Dean provided his address among other details regarding him, Helena knew where he was or would be at some point. And the medical record had undoubtedly acted as fuel to the red hot fury burning inside Helena. She'd intentionally riled herself up before leaving. She was going to kill Dean.

 _That stupid, stupid woman,_ Hunnigan cursed internally and headed to the study to open her computer and log remotely to her database at the office.

"Come on, where are you..." Hunnigan muttered as she honed in on the GPS on Helena's phone. After getting the general location, she pulled up live feeds from the security cameras near the area and tried to find the younger woman while reaching for her phone to call her, hoping against hope that she'd actually pick up. She didn't.

* * *

Helena sat at the bus stop, the rain drumming against the steel roof of it, drowning out most of the sounds surrounding her. She'd lost track of time and couldn't say how long she'd sat there, shamelessly occupying a seat from those who had the intention to actually board a bus at some point.

A car pulled over and Helena was already prepared to tell the person driving that she didn't need a ride or that they should look for their prostitute elsewhere when she realized the driver was none other than Shannon.

"I swear to God, if I have to get out of this car and come get you, I will hurt you," she said and Helena sighed and got up slowly, her legs and backside numb from having just sat there for hours. She got in and Shannon drove off, neither one of them feeling the need to explain how or why they were here. Helena only wondered why Hunnigan hadn't come herself.

 _She's probably furious at me. Or she figured she might run into Dean. The thought of possibly running into someone who did such horrible things to you is enough to induce panic in the best of us,_ Helena mused as she recalled the list of injuries she'd read earlier. And it wasn't just the physical pain, Helena was fairly certain the emotional hurt and the humiliation of it all was far worse.

"So, what was your plan, hero?" Shannon broke the silence.  
"Cut off his balls and make him eat them while I sodomize him with a baseball bat. Then, kill him by repeatedly stabbing him the stomach and watching him slowly bleed to death."

"I'd almost pay to see that!" Shannon laughed heartily and Helena glanced at her. She was genuinely amused. Helena was beginning to think the woman was actually a psychopath.  
"Yeah, well... unfortunately I'm too late. He was killed during the outbreak and now gets to enjoy the reputation of a hero-cop of some sort," Helena scoffed.

"We can always hope he got infected or that he got eaten alive slowly and that it was very painful. I'd imagine it would have to be," Shannon shrugged.  
"As lovely as the thought is, that doesn't make me feel better."

"Killing him wouldn't have made you feel any better either. You're not a murderer. At most, you're a hothead and might kill out of anger, but you don't have what it takes to commit cold-blooded murder."  
"You're not helping."

"I'm not trying to, I'm simply telling you that even if you had succeeded carrying out this ridiculous vendetta, you would've just fucked it up. You would've gotten yourself in trouble, and as much as I do enjoy the idea of you spending rest of your life in prison and therefore the hell away from my sister, even I don't think Dean would've been worth it."

"High praise indeed," Helena muttered sarcastically and Shannon suddenly pulled the car to a stop. Helena frowned at that and at their location, they were heading away from the city. She couldn't really tell where exactly, she rarely had any reason to venture to the rural part of the state. Maybe Hunnigan was at the ranch with Emily and Catnip, waiting for Shannon to pick Helena up.

Shannon circled the car, opened the door and grabbed Helena by the arm. She yanked hard, forcing the younger woman to her feet and shoved her toward the field by the side of the road.

"What the fuck?" Helena yelled at her over the sound of thunder and the rain.

"Okay, you're all pumped up and got nowhere to put that rage, I get it, but this isn't about you, you stupid bitch!" Shannon yelled and before Helena even realized it, Shannon's fist impacted hard onto her cheekbone, knocking her flat on her ass in the wet ground. Helena hated to admit it, but she'd sure underestimated the woman. Plus the bitch could really throw a punch.

Helena stood up, rubbing the sore spot on her cheek and breathed heavily through clenched teeth.

"I don't recall asking for your input on a God damn thing!" she responded and attempted to return the favor, but Shannon side-stepped her assault easily. As Helena was passing by her, Shannon quickly kneed her in the stomach, dropping her again.

"You should have left well enough alone. You don't seem to realize that the only person letting Dean's actions affect the present day is you!" Shannon spat and reached to pull Helena up. She didn't like the younger woman, but literally kicking someone while they were down was beneath her. Helena twisted herself free from Shannon's grip and elbowed her in the chin before swiveling around.

Shannon ducked the roundhouse kick and retaliated immediately, kicking up from her croutching position, the heel of her boot digging into Helena's abdomen, sending her flying and then flat on her back again. Shannon straddled Helena's thighs, gripped the front of her shirt and pulled her until she was almost upright again.

"Ingrid had moved on until _you_ forced her to talk about it again," Shannon hissed, drew her fist back and punched Helena again.

"And then," she began, pausing her words inbetween punches, "...you had... the audacity... to blame her... for letting it go... as if you had... some fucking right... to decide that!" she finished, finally letting go of Helena and the younger woman slumped into the soft soil, rain smearing the trails of blood running on her face.

"You inconsiderate little shit, you never even stopped to think the effect this all would have on Ingrid, did you? How can you even claim to love her when you obviously don't give a flying fuck about her happiness and well-being?"

"I do care! I wanted to do this for her," Helena spluttered, still lying on the ground, having decided to be smart for once and stay down.

"Bullshit! You wanted to do this for yourself, to make _yourself_ feel better, make _yourself_ feel like you'd made a difference and somehow changed the past!" Shannon yelled, grabbed Helena again, her fist already in the air... but decided not to. Enough was enough. Besides, her fist was starting to hurt.

"When all you did for Ingrid was cause her to re-live it all! The only thing you accomplished was hurting her! I hope you're happy and proud of your accomplishment, you fucking selfish cunt!" Shannon yelled and shoved her hand into Helena's face, pressing the younger woman's head into the ground, almost as if she was trying to drown her in the dirt.

When she'd finally had enough, she slumped to sit on the ground next to Helena, breathing heavily and leaned her elbows to her knees.

"You're right," Helena muttered hoarsely over the soft rumbles of thunder, beginning to slowly sit up as well. She spat repeatedly to get rid of the excess blood still flooding her mouth.  
"The only thing I'm good for is fucking things up."

"I ain't got sympathy for you, you've brought this on yourself."  
"I know."

"And don't expect me to join your fucking pity-party either, you're miserable enough to feel sorry for yourself for both of us," Shannon scoffed then.

"...if we're done here, I'd like to go home now," Helena said weakly. Shannon stood up and held her arm out. Helena gave her a suspicious glance, but accepted the offer then, gripping the older woman's arm and allowed herself to be helped up. She went to the car and slumped in the seat, not caring if she got dirt and water all over it. Shannon didn't seem to much care either as she sat down as well after taking a moment to rummage through the backseat.

"Here," she said and shoved a bottle of vodka into Helena's arms.  
"An open container of alcohol in your car. Isn't that illegal?" Helena teased and Shannon scoffed.  
"Shut up and drink, you annoying little bastard," she ordered and for once, Helena had no problem doing as she was told.


	20. Chapter 20

Helena grunted at the sudden brightness when Hunnigan came home and turned on the lights, interrupting Helena's grim sulking in the dark. Catnip scampered to the woman, circling around her feet, expecting attention. She reached to pet his head and lazily scratched his belly when he laid on his back.

"Oh, my God, what happened to you?" Hunnigan exclaimed at the sight of the younger woman. Judging from the black and blue appearance of her face, Hunnigan realized the answer was rather obvious, the better question would've been who'd done it.

"You know the first rule about fight club?" Helena laughed and took a sip of the vodka Shannon had donated to her. She grimaced when the alcohol stung her split lips.

"Did you find Dean, did he do this?"  
"Dean's dead."

"Helena... You didn't."

"Nope. Turns out some lucky zombie got him before I did. Shannon did this," Helena explained and pointed at her face.

"Oh, for God's sake," Hunnigan sighed and sat next to Helena. She reached to gently put her fingers underneath Helena's chin and urged her to look up. Judging from how well Helena seemed to be taking it, nothing was actually broken, but Shannon sure had made a mess of her face.

"When I asked her to knock some sense into you, I didn't think she'd take it literally," Hunnigan said and went to get a wet towel.  
"I'm glad she did. She's very good at that," Helena commented.

"You're such an idiot sometimes, you know that?" Hunnigan asked, the gentleness of her voice in contradiction with her words. She reached to wipe away the blood that had caked onto Helena's eyebrow, under her nose and in the corner of her mouth.

"Now better than ever," Helena agreed quietly, fighting the urge to flinch at the little pains she felt when Hunnigan cleaned her up. Once the blood was cleaned away, she didn't look quite as bad.

"How did you get the files and my God damn medical records?"  
"From an officer I used to work under at the CIA, she owed me a few favors. The medical record was an added bonus, I didn't request it. I'm thinking she gave me that just to piss me off. It worked."

"I can't believe you, Helena. You have no idea how angry I am at you right now," Hunnigan muttered and tossed the towel onto the coffee table.  
"You have every right to be," Helena said and sighed. She slumped forward, leaned her elbows onto her thighs and sucked in a deep, shuddering breath.

"I can't tell you how much I wish that they'd taken me instead of Deborah, that I'd been the one who died. That way she'd be alive and none of this would've happened either. You'd be better off without me, everyone would be. The fact that my intentions are good doesn't make a difference because in the end I just fuck everything up," she sobbed.

"Helena..."  
"I know what that sounds like, but I'm not fishing for sympathy, I'm just saying what I think. I don't deserve your sympathy or your forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that... I know I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

"Come on," Hunnigan said softly and took the bottle from Helena. She put it on the table and gently tugged on Helena's arm.  
"Let's just go to bed and talk about it in the morning, okay?" she whispered and Helena nodded a little, sniffled and reluctantly got up.

* * *

Helena woke up feeling more ashamed than she'd ever felt before. It wasn't anywhere near the same as waking up feeling somewhat embarrassed and a little guilty, the discomfort of knowing she'd screwed up gnawing at her until she forgot it. No, this was undiluted, pure shame. Everything she'd said and done, every wish she'd knowingly gone against, wronged Hunnigan and torn open old wounds that had already healed to the point where you didn't even notice them. Her grand mission of vengeance and justice had resulted only in more unnecessary misery. All because she had decided she needed to do something to the person responsible for causing the pain in the first place.

Realizing she'd never, not once, even stopped to think how this all might make Hunnigan feel amplified the intensity of the shame. If Shannon hadn't brought it up last night, Helena probably never would've realized it... or if she had, it would've taken too long. Truly, it was the most selfish thing she'd ever done in her life.

 _This had to be the last straw, she's gonna leave me,_ Helena thought grimly as she got out of bed and went to the kitchen. Catnip went to greet her and she busied herself with the dog, stalling, trying to think of something to say to Hunnigan. Clearly, Hunnigan wasn't interested in making the opening statement. She didn't acknowledge Helena's presence, just continued making eggs and toast –a single serving, Helena was left to fend for herself.

Hunnigan didn't look angry, she never did; everything happened on the inside with that woman. No agitated jerked movements, no annoyed sighs and huffs, no smashing plates; just the cold shoulder which made Helena swear she could actually feel the temperature in the room drop.

Instead of even making an attempt of trying to move past the uncomfortable phase, Helena sat down at the table and asked, "Are you going to leave me?"

Hunnigan stopped chewing and looked up from her phone slowly, glaring at Helena over the rim of her glasses.

"Honestly, at this point, I don't know what the hell I am supposed to do with you," she responded and Helena nodded. She wouldn't have known either. Well, actually, no. If she were Hunnigan, Helena would've dumped herself a long time ago.

"You went snooping behind my back and launched this ridiculous vendetta even after I _specifically told you_ to leave it alone. You blatantly violated my privacy and intentionally went against my wishes. Frankly, right now, I really am tempted to just walk away, _that_ is how fucking violated I feel!"

"Okay," was all Helena could comment to that. She wished she'd have some kind of an argument that would be acceptable, that would somehow explain everything and magically make it better, make it less offensive... but there were no excuses. Everything Hunnigan was saying was the truth and an exact description of what Helena had indeed done.

"Look, Helena..." Hunnigan began with a deep sigh. She pushed her glasses onto her forehead and ran her hand over her face.

"I don't want to do this, but I can't very well just act like everything's fine."  
"I understand that, and I'm not asking you to do that. I just... what do you want to do?"

"I think we need to take a break."  
"Uhm... okay. For, uh... for how long?" Helena stammered. She felt like her insides were freezing and then imploding.

"I don't know."  
"Well, guess! I mean... a day? A week? ...a month?" Helena listed as Hunnigan just sighed deeply.

"A week at least."  
"Okay. I can do a week, but after that I'll need to know."

"You are not in a position to be giving me deadlines!" Hunnigan snapped.  
"And you're not in a position to keep me on hold for months and months and then decide you don't want me!"

"Well, what the hell do you expect! That I can just snap my fingers at the end of the week and decide how I'll feel?"

"I can't live with the uncertainty for longer than that! Don't you get it?"  
"And if I can't meet your ridiculous deadline?"

"If a week isn't enough for you to decide whether you want to still be with me or not, then that speaks for itself, and we'll just go our separate ways," Helena decided for her. She managed to sound determined and strong about it, but she sure as hell didn't feel it, and she certainly hoped it would not come to that.

"Fine," Hunnigan said with such ease Helena couldn't help but wonder how was it all so effortless to her. She'd never been one to show her emotions on the outside, but still, why couldn't she seem even a little fazed by all this, sad because of the fact that they were having this conversation, affected by any of it? A part of Helena suspected Hunnigan had already made up her mind and just needed a while to consider, to make sure leaving Helena would be that easy.

"I'm gonna stay with Shannon, you can stay home," Hunnigan said.

 _Great, if you hadn't already decided to leave me, I'm sure Shannon will talk you into actually doing it in case you're having second thoughts,_ Helena thought but didn't say anything. Instead, she sat at the kitchen table when Hunnigan got up and went to pack a bag, leaving her half-eaten breakfast behind.

Helena glanced at the window when the rapping sound caught her attention. It was raining again. Usually it would've made her happy because it reminded her of how she'd met Hunnigan in the first place. Realizing the life they'd built together after that day was slowly collapsing and that she was the cause of it just made the once sweet memory painful now.


	21. Chapter 21

For the past couple of days Hunnigan had been forbidden from talking about Helena, and to Shannon's amazement, she hadn't objected to the rule. Shannon knew Hunnigan would probably want to and need to talk about it eventually, but for now Shannon had decided that they had important things to do, things that they should've done long ago and way more often than they ever actually did. Tonight, they were going to hang out, like sisters.

Emily had gone to stay at a friend's house for the night (after being almost visibly disappointed that aunt Laina wasn't going to come over because "she wasn't feeling well"), they had the house to themselves, it was an ideal moment.

"So... what are you going to do with her?" Shannon finally broke her own rule. Frankly, the past couple of days making no contact with Helena and not even talking about her had been eye-opening... but Hunnigan wouldn't admit that to Shannon; she didn't think she could tolerate the victorious smirk on her older sister's face if she told her that she'd been right about this and that not talking to Helena had actually been the right thing to do.

"Right now, I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I love her, but as I'm sure you know, in the real world it takes more than that for relationships to work. Even if I would eventually be able to look past what she did, I know this whole mess will hang over us regardless. At the very least it'll certainly ruin our sex-life, and that's gonna bother me more than I'd want to admit. I suppose it's strange considering my experiences, but..."

"Don't talk like you're not allowed to enjoy sex because of what happened. You have the right to want to get fucked hard, just like anyone else," Shannon commented and Hunnigan rolled her eyes at Shannon's lewd way of putting it.

"In all seriousness, I get that a lot of people wouldn't necessarily get over something like what you experienced, but you did, and that's a good thing, you shouldn't have to feel guilty for that," Shannon then shook her head.

Truthfully, after what happened, she hadn't enjoyed any of that part of life until she'd met Helena. That alone spoke volumes of how weird it was that she'd slept with Helena after knowing her (in person) for less than half a day. Weird, but not wrong.

"She made me feel like myself again, like something just fell into place. Everything's felt right ever since, which is why the thought of just walking away... I don't feel like it's something I should do."

"So, I guess that in the end it comes down to whether you can forgive her or not... and whether she can move past what happened to you and not let it affect your future together. Sounds easy when I put it like that," Shannon shrugged and Hunnigan sighed, nodding a little. It did sound too easy to be true, but at the same time, it really was the obvious answer.

"This might be the booze talking, but if she really does make you happy, then you should be with her, who the hell am I to judge? I will, however, continue seriously questioning your taste in women..." Shannon then teased and Hunnigan chuckled.

"Thanks, I guess."

"Okay, so allow me this question, what the hell do you see in that brat? She has no impulse control..."  
"Yeah, and you're a paragon of impulse control yourself, are you?" Hunnigan interrupted, her eyebrow quirking.

"Hey, I never said I was. But she's selfish, she's impatient, she's bitchy..."  
"...still sounds like you're talking about you."

"Well, now I'm questioning why you'd fancy someone who is so much like me."

"Ew."  
"Exactly!"

"Helena is reliable and passionate. She's smart enough to actually challenge me intellectually too, which doesn't happen very often, so that's also refreshing. She's funny as hell. She makes me feel safe..."

"Safe as in if there's a noise, you can send her to check it out, or safe as in she doesn't have a dick?" Shannon inquired and Hunnigan sighed.

"Her not having a dick is an added bonus, I'm not 'choosing' to be in a lesbian relationship because I'm afraid of guys, if that's what you're implying," she narrowed her eyes and Shannon smirked.

"Well, implying such things would be pretty damn ignorant of me, now wouldn't it?" she said innocently and sipped her drink.

"Exactly, so don't even start with that nonsense, that's not how it works," Hunnigan rolled her eyes. Admittedly, prior to her relationship with Helena, Hunnigan's experiences with same gender lovers was limited to that one awkward threesome with her best friend and her boyfriend, and she'd never really thought twice of it, but she certainly didn't agree even with the implication Shannon was making.

"She's loyal, I've never had any reason to think she'd ever cheat on me, which is kind of a big deal. I don't think I've ever seen her even look at another person the way she... looks at me," Hunnigan trailed off.

"Like she's the luckiest person in the galaxy because you're perfect in every way, a goddess sent from Olympus and you're there just for her," Shannon said and Hunnigan frowned. Shannon didn't sound like she was being a sarcastic bitch which was strange considering her words were the kind she'd never say in all seriousness.

"No need to look so damn surprised, I've had someone look at me like that once upon a time, I can be a delicate, feminine flower too, you know!" Shannon commented and they both burst out laughing at that.

"Well, we can debate that, but what you said is actually pretty accurate. Not only that, she actually makes me feel like I _am_ the... goddess sent from Olympus, as you put it."  
"You're both survivors and you understand each other's complexity, that's the kind of a connection not a lot of people get to experience."

"Are you drunk?" Hunnigan had to question.  
"Probably," Shannon nodded, "but that doesn't matter; I just figured that since I obviously can't talk you into leaving the annoying bitch, I might as well try and support you. I think I owe you some support," she then added with a smirk.

"Helena has made me become more self-aware; if it weren't for her, I probably would've either remained alone or then settled for someone stable and safe just to fit some ridiculous ideal of what's expected of me."

"Yeah, you totally would've," Shannon agreed. If anyone was likely to sacrifice her secret romantic hopes and dreams just for the predictability of the simple life, it was Ingrid. It was kind of funny now that Shannon thought about it; the contradiction between Ingrid's desire to avoid conflicts and the titanium spine the woman had. She wouldn't fight you, but she wouldn't bend either.

"...I don't think I was really 'alive' until I met her, you know?" Hunnigan then said slowly when she realized it.  
"I know, it was actually a pretty noticeable change in you when she came into your life," Shannon commented and Hunnigan threw one of the decorative pillows on the couch at Shannon's head. She missed.

"If you could actually literally see that she's good to me, why are you such a bitch about it?" she scoffed.  
"Because I don't liiikeeee heeer!" Shannon whined dramatically.

"God, and you call _her_ selfish when you would make my life miserable just because you don't like her," Hunnigan narrowed her eyes.  
"I'm not being selfish, I'm being optimistic, I've spent all this time sincerely convinced you'll find someone who's even better for you and is not as annoying as Helena," Shannon corrected.

"You do realize that's never gonna happen?"  
"And boom! There you have it, I rest my case and case closed and... a bunch of other similar terms."

"What are you talking about?" Hunnigan frowned and Shannon laughed victoriously.

"Well, did I, or did I not just make you realize that the annoying bitch is the love of your life and you really want to be with her, and that it's all you needed to decide whether or not you want to continue your relationship with her?"

"Are you trying to convince me you were playing me the whole time, and that your goal was to actually convince me to get back together with Helena?"  
"Well, obviously!" Shannon scoffed.

"Excuse me if I find that hard to believe."  
"No, you find it hard to believe that someone could possibly manipulate you and now your pride's all hurt."

"Oh, be quiet, if you were half as good as I am, you would've made me believe the whole thing was my idea," Hunnigan said, offering a lopsided smile.  
"All right, all right, stupid jokes aside... it sounds to me that Helena is everything you'd like and want, so... be with her. Yeah, it'll be rough for a while after all this shit, but you'll make it."

"...I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."  
"Oh, shut it, bitch," the older sister smirked and they both burst into laughter.

* * *

Helena lied on the couch with her arm over her eyes and sighed. She reached for her phone, certain she'd heard it vibrate, but when she checked it, there was nothing. She could've just turned the sound back on, but didn't want to do that. She didn't want to hear it ring just to be disappointed to receive a call from a telemarketer. At the same time, the phantom sounds she thought she heard sustained her hope of Hunnigan calling her.

Sad truth was, no one was calling her or messaging her, just like they hadn't in the past two days.

"Wow, I really have no friends," she muttered when she realized that she had no one to call either even if she had felt like seeking out a shoulder to cry on. There were acquaintances and colleagues, but people she'd open up to and hang out with? No. Even Leon didn't really fit into that category despite the fact that he was a sweetheart who had a knack for getting her to open up a little. It had never even occurred to her to call him and ask if he felt like having a beer and chatting.

 _I guess not making contact myself makes me bad friend-material too,_ Helena mused, realizing she had no right to complain about no one calling her when she herself never would've called anyone either.

"Crap, I really am beginning to sound as pathetic as Shannon said I was," Helena muttered to herself and sat up.

Two days gone, five to go, after that, she'd know for sure. One way or another. Times like these Helena wished she had what it took to get drunk and stay that way for long periods of time. She was certain a good old drinking binge would've made the time pass a lot quicker, and if she was lucky, she'd spent most of that time too drunk or practically unconscious to have the sense to worry about her relationship falling apart.

Since she wasn't the drinking type, she'd tried passing the time by playing video games or binge-watching comedies. It worked for short moments, but eventually she was distracted from what she was doing by a random, panicky thought that lanced through her mind and reminded her of the grim reality.

Helena hugged Hunnigan's pillow to her chest tightly and buried her face into it, inhaling its scent deeply; a subtle combination of Hunnigan's perfume, body lotion and hairspray.

 _I miss her so much,_ Helena thought. She would've wanted to cry, but she honestly had no more tears left. Sighing, she closed her eyes, determined to stubbornly keep them closed until she managed to fall asleep, hoping that she'd just drift off and stay asleep for the rest of the week.


	22. Chapter 22

Hunnigan put her bag down and took the leash off of Catnip, allowing the dog to excitedly scamper to the living room which was always the first place he looked in when he was searching for his humans. Catnip stood on his hind legs, leaning his front paws onto the edge of the couch and sniffed at the sleeping human.

Hunnigan smiled ruefully at the sight of Helena hugging her pillow. She shooed Catnip gently and took his place, kneeling by the couch. She reached to softly run her thumb over Helena's cheek, keeping her touch light so that she wouldn't hurt the young woman's injured face (which had slowly began to go from black and blue to the yellow-ish-green shade of healing bruises).

"It's kind of difficult to stay mad at you when you're in this state," Hunnigan mumbled quietly, the urge to just coddle Helena and care for her taking over her stubborn attempts at being angry.

Hunnigan inhaled deeply and leaned closer before slowly breathing into Helena's ear, the warm air flowing lightly over the contours of it, eliciting a quiet whimper from Helena. She opened her eyes and sat up so quickly she almost bumped her head into Hunnigan's.

"You're home!" she gasped, her excitement of seeing Hunnigan quickly replaced by the claws of insecurity and fear sinking into her chest and stomach when she realized this was it, the moment of truth. Helena swallowed hard as she waited to hear what Hunnigan would say. It was most likely just Helena's imagination, but she could've sworn the other woman was dragging this out on purpose, her movements seemed too slow when she sat next to Helena on the couch, preparing to tell her what she'd decided.

"Look, Helena... what you did is a far more worse violation of my privacy than going through my phone and reading my messages," she began.

"I don't do that!" Helena scoffed, blushing deeply.

 _Anymore,_ she added mentally. In her defense, she was a very possessive and jealous woman, and her relationship with Hunnigan had escalated so quickly she didn't think she'd been left with other choices to make sure Hunnigan was honest with her about her being the only one in her life. Other than straight up asking her about it, that was.

Hunnigan just chuckled, she'd known from the start that Helena had done it and she'd let her, she'd even left her phone unlocked and decided not to delete the slightly flirty messages Leon tended to send her occasionally. It wasn't all right, it wasn't acceptable behavior, but the alternative was that Helena would've slowly gone mad because of not knowing, and frankly, Hunnigan preferred a few minor breaches of privacy over an insanely jealous Helena Harper.

Besides, it wasn't like she didn't occasionally check up on Helena. Not her phone, but her online activities whenever she checked her traffic manager which revealed the address of every website anyone using her network visited. It was something she'd set up in her router and checked now and then mainly to monitor what Emily got up to when she was online, but she'd found checking up Helena's activites quite entertaining at times too. She was certain Helena would be mortified if she knew that Hunnigan was aware of just how much online smut the younger woman consumed.

"Well, either way, my point is that I can be understanding and forgiving about certain kinds of violations of my privacy. Frankly, I even like a little bit of healthy jealousy and your possessiveness, makes me feel wanted," Hunnigan shrugged. Helena just nodded slowly.

"But... this time, you went through my medical records. I know you said you didn't request access to them, but you did it anyway. You opened up a Pandora's box of shit that I never wanted to ever think about again, and now it's all right here, out and stuck between us, and I have to deal with it all over again."

"I'm sorry," Helena mumbled quietly, unable to bring herself to look at Hunnigan.

"I know you are and I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I know your heart was in the right place, but this isn't..." Hunnigan trailed off, sighed deeply and shook her head in exasperation.  
"What you did wasn't the right way to deal with any of this. You should've listened to me, you should've left it all alone."

"I know! I didn't... think! I never do, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me!" Helena burst into frustrated, angry tears, her teeth and hands clenched tightly as she sucked in furious shuddering breaths, leaning her forehead against her fists, her shoulders shaking and veins in her neck bulging as she worked really hard to calm herself down.

 _I can't have nice things because I destroy everything I touch... and to add insult to injury, I don't have any control over it._

"...and now you're gonna leave and I'll only have myself to blame, as always, because I'm always the one who fucks everything up! You'd be better off without me anyway, so I understand, believe me, I do," she added in a weak mutter then.

Hunnigan was about to comment, but she was interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder, the low noise making it feel like the entire building vibrated for a few seconds. Hunnigan was certain this was the rainiest summer she'd ever lived through. Helena didn't seem to notice the weather, she was still preoccupied with her attempts at calming herself down, her breaths becoming shallow and uncontrolled.

Hunnigan reached to put her arms around Helena and pulled her into a gentle embrace, and Helena eased into it, wrapping her arms around Hunnigan tightly, holding onto her like she never intended to let go. She buried her face into Hunnigan's shoulder, her tears soaking the fabric of the shirt as she continued sobbing despite her best efforts to stop.

"How do you figure giving up the most important thing in my life would somehow be good for me?" Hunnigan inquired softly as she ran her fingers through Helena's hair.  
"You did just fine before I came into your life," the younger woman insisted.

"I was a zombie, if you'll excuse the expression, doing insignificant things for insignificant people and for their insignificant reasons. I was alive but for what purpose?" Hunnigan scoffed. She was interrupted by another thunderous boom, the storm making threats as it worked up to grow into it's full force. The room darkened noticeably.

"Then I met you and I wanted you all to myself, no matter just how unprofessional that was at the time. You made me not care about that... and you know what I'm like with work-related things, so you also know that's a big deal," Hunnigan said. Helena merely nodded, still clinging onto Hunnigan, hiding her face in the other woman's shoulder.

"Honestly, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I love you. I love you so much," she whispered then and nuzzled into Helena's neck, both of them just staying still, holding onto each other almost like they were afraid this would be the last time they could do that.

"I love you," Helena whispered, pulling back just a little to be able to turn to kiss Hunnigan. "I love, I love you, I love you," she whimpered into the kiss and tightened her arms around the other woman.

"I know... and I love you too," Hunnigan repeated, "Now... we can't just pretend nothing happened, quite frankly the matter is far from finished and it'll take us a while to work through this, but that's exactly what I'd want to do right now, unless you have any objections?" she then asked.

"Of course not, I'd want to try and move past this too," Helena agreed and hugged Hunnigan again, melting into the embrace, unable to keep the sobs accompanying the tears of relief from escaping her lips.

"It's okay..." Hunnigan assured her.  
"Why are you so good to me?" Helena inquired and Hunnigan chuckled softly.

"Because... I think you're the first person in my life who genuinely deserves the best of me, and to whom I'm willing to give that to," she answered, unaware that her words -as honest, sincere and sweet as they were- kind of made Helena feel worse when she thought of how little she had to offer in return. It just made her want to cry more, which led her to believe she had to be breaking some kind of a world record when it came to crying non-stop.

"Augh," Helena sighed as she finally pulled back a little, wiping her eyes and sniffling a little, "Don't look at me, I look terrible from all the crying," she said weakly and Hunnigan pushed her glasses onto her forehead.

"There, now you can't possibly look terrible to me, I can barely see you," she exaggerated and Helena chuckled a little through tears.

"You're such a... I don't even know what you are," she sighed with a smile.

"I know, and I've been called that often," Hunnigan laughed gently, fell back on the couch and pulled Helena with her, putting her arms around the younger woman and holding her close, safe and protected from the rest of the world, banishing every dark thought, replacing them with love and light.


	23. Chapter 23

Hunnigan knew Helena liked to watch her, and she had always been more than happy to let her, often to the point of making sure the younger woman had something worth watching. But tonight, Helena was... distracted, seemed almost uncomfortable. Hunnigan had known it would happen. It seemed like an insignificant change, but it would eventually evolve into a plethora of other problems brought on by the feelings of not being wanted and desired, and what said feelings did to one's confidence and self-esteem.

 _I won't have it,_ Hunnigan thought as she sat up straight, still straddling Helena's waist and gently gripping Helena's arms, urging her to sit up and Helena complied with the request... which wasn't really a request as much as it was a silent order.

Hunnigan leaned to kiss her hard and held onto Helena's wrist, guiding her hand up along her body, feeling the younger woman's pulse point pound a little harder and faster against the tip of her fingers where she gripped her wrist as she led Helena's hand onto her breast, kind of hating the fact that she even needed to encourage it. Hunnigan hummed approvingly into the kiss as Helena's hand worked over the softness underneath it with gentle firmness, her thumb seeking out the hardened nipple almost as if Helena had no say in the matter as her body responded to her lover's instinctively. Hunnigan broke the kiss and put her hands onto Helena's cheeks when the younger woman forced her rebelling hand to yield.

"Look at me," she whispered and Helena did, "I'm the same as I always was," Hunnigan said.

"I know," Helena nodded, but she wasn't convincing either one of them.

"Show me," Hunnigan challenged.

Helena kissed her again, allowing her hand to slide down from where Hunnigan had guided it to earlier, slowly avoiding the still red scar on Hunnigan's side as she made her way lower over her abdomen and finally between her legs and... hesitated. Her hesitation didn't last longer than two seconds, but by the time she'd gone to move further, Hunnigan had already broken the kiss and was moving off from Helena's lap.

Hunnigan was more than well aware of the fact that she didn't come across as someone who was comfortable with her sexuality. When judging a book by its cover and considering her otherwise so strict attitude toward life, she came across as a prude if anything. In reality, nothing was further from the truth.

After the assault, that had changed for a long time, until she'd met Helena. Hunnigan had gone through the stages of it all, little by little rebuilt herself and recovered from feeling defiled and damaged, moved onto blaming herself (despite logically knowing no one ever in any situation was "asking for it", but when it had happened to herself, she'd fallen into that same rut too) and had finally emerged from the cesspool of self-loathing, finally understanding and accepting that it wasn't her fault, swearing she'd never let anyone tell her otherwise or take away pieces of her. She'd had time to process it and heal, unlike Helena.

For her this all was new, felt like it had only just happened, like Hunnigan had barely just gone through it, rendering Helena unable to comprehend it when she said she didn't need to be coddled. She felt like she was asking too much, moving too fast, she felt embarrassed for having the audacity to even feel aroused right now... even though she knew this was what Hunnigan wanted.

The feeling of awkwardness and guilt were mottled with an odd shame that came over her when she thought back and recalled all the times she'd flipped Hunnigan around and practically mushed her face into the pillows, every even slightly rougher act now feeling like a crime... even when they too had been usually initiated by Hunnigan. Helena couldn't bring herself to believe what Hunnigan insisted was the truth; that Hunnigan had enjoyed it all, very much so.

As rough as the younger woman's actions may have occasionally seemed on the surface, they'd never been delivered with the intent to hurt; they'd been delivered in the throes of passion, Helena's only goal being to tease, please, and satisfy. And that was what Hunnigan wanted now, nothing more, nothing less... but Helena was still stuck in some odd denial.

It was kind of sweet at first, but now it was just ridiculous. It was ridiculous that Helena was the one who acted almost afraid of touching the other woman, acted like she needed to be reassured when logically it should've been the other way around. Hunnigan had been patient about it, understanding that her revelation had undoubtedly been tough on Helena too, but this was getting to be a bit too much.

 _So much for some lovely, lazy morning sex,_ Hunnigan sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her clothes.

"I'll go make us something to eat," she said flatly over her shoulder and got up before Helena had a chance to say anything, leaving the younger woman on the bed without any further explanations.

* * *

Hunnigan's foul mood didn't go unnoticed as she agitatedly slammed cardboard boxes shut and taped them as she helped Shannon pack. Emily had taken Helena to her room, insisting she needed the most help, everyone knowing perfectly well that the duo were more likely to end up having a tea party with Emily's stuffed toys than actually pack anything.

"So, are you gonna tell me why you're so bitchy or is it private?" Shannon taunted as she nodded toward the kitchen, silently implying they should take a break. She grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and popped them open before handing one to Hunnigan.

"Remember what I said about the recent mess ruining my sex-life?" Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow as she took a long drink from her bottle.  
"Seriously, that's your biggest problem in life now?"

"It didn't used to bother me, I didn't used to care... but now I know what I'm missing out on and it bothers the hell out of me!" Hunnigan explained in exasperation and Shannon chuckled.  
"Oyh, you're preaching to the choir, sister."

"Just don't bother telling me to solve the problem with your methods," Hunnigan narrowed her eyes at Shannon.

"I wasn't going to, I already know you'd make some disgustingly loyal statement like cheating wouldn't work because you don't want to just fuck, you want to fuck that one specific person, namely Helena," Shannon said and made a face, pretending to shudder in disgust at the mere thought.

"You're a bitch," Hunnigan commented at the childish display and Shannon laughed.  
"So are you, and all because your girlfriend suffers from the female equivalent of not being able to get it up."

"I know it's all just a big joke to you, but it's not just about the sex, you know?" Hunnigan snapped and Shannon sighed, deciding to be serious for once.

"It's about feeling unwanted because the person you love has to practically force themself to touch you and that just makes it worse, yeah, I know perfectly," she said, offering a lopsided rueful smile.

"It's still different, Ethan was gay! It wasn't like he was _afraid_ to touch you after you had your gender reassigned, it wasn't like he was..."

"Not afraid, but unable to do it regardless and no amount of 'I love yous' would fix that. We tried, but I guess... he missed 'Shane' too much. Now... you and Helena don't have that problem, you're both still the same you always were."

"We are, but nowadays she sees me so differently that I might as well be a different person, that's the problem," Hunnigan sighed.  
"Well, since you won't cheat then all I can say is that if the good Lord didn't want you to masturbate, he would've given you shorter arms."

"Again, like with your other 'obvious' solution, it wouldn't be the same, it's not the act itself that I miss, it's everything that comes with it," Hunnigan sighed, beginning to believe she was wasting her time trying to explain it all to Shannon.

"Heheh, 'comes with it'. Get it?"  
"Oh, my God, the fact that you're legally an adult is such an absurd concept to me right now," Hunnigan rolled her eyes and Shannon chuckled, drank from her bottle and held it up then.

"All right, how about... seducing her. Make her want you so badly she'll forget all that's bothering her. Don't just give her everything on a silver platter because you feel that you need to reassure her that everything's okay, make her fucking work for it," Shannon said and Hunnigan pursed her lips as she thought about it.

"I think you might finally actually be onto something."  
"And if all else fails, try working her jealousy, make her realize that if she won't perform her wifely duties, someone will."

"Knowing Helena that would only result in her questioning herself and she'd just get depressed and sink into the whole 'I can't even satisfy my girlfriend, I am garbage'-rut," Hunnigan shook her head and Shannon snickered evilly.

"I know, ruining her self-esteem would be an added bonus."  
"You're horrible."  
"Only to her."

"Okay, let's say all else failed and tried your questionable method, how do you even propose I'd do that? I don't know anyone apart from a few colleagues, and I think Helena already knows I'd never seriously flirt with any of them no matter how horny I'd get," Hunnigan dismissed the ridiculous idea.

Frankly, she'd never been the cheating type, she'd never understood people who were either. While she was the first to admit she enjoyed good sex as much as the next person, she'd never been willing to risk sacrificing her relationships for it. Especially not now.

"What about that cute director of yours?"  
"Shepard? He's my superior officer, for God's sake!"

"So? Aren't you technically Helena's superior officer?" Shannon countered with a smirk.  
"Forget it, I can't believe I'm even bothering with this childish discussion."

"It's childish and stupid and it would work perfectly on Helena because that dumbass is entirely powered by her emotions, acts first and thinks later which makes her super easy to manipulate. I'm amazed you have the willpower _not_ to do that all the time."

"I don't want to have to manipulate her into doing anything, that would be like winning a game only because you're breaking the rules, where's the fun in that? I want her to do things because she wants to do them, not because I tricked her into it," Hunnigan scoffed and Shannon sighed and shrugged, clearly giving up.

"Your natural talents of talking people into a daze and convincing them your ideas were theirs is going to waste."  
"The day is going to waste," Hunnigan said and emptied her bottle, "C'mon, we've got work to do."

Shannon simply nodded, finished her beer too and headed back into the living room to pack,

"Ingrid, can I ask you something?" she inquired after a long moment of silence. Hunnigan paused and turned to look at her.

"Yeah?"

"Ethan often said he missed me and that it felt strange to miss someone who was still essentially there. Do you ever miss Shane?" Shannon asked and Hunnigan offered her a warm smile.

"Why would I? Hell, you were always a bitch, nowadays you just look the part too. And your services haven't changed, you're still bullying me and beating up anyone else who bullies me, like any decent big brother would," she answered and Shannon laughed softly.

"I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

* * *

"Drool monster!" Emily laughed at Catnip as the dog slobbered all over her hand. They were at Hunnigan and Helena's apartment, Shannon having decided that since Hunnigan didn't seem to have any plans for the night, Emily could stay over while Shannon herself went to unpack and sort things at the new house. Hunnigan had been kind of tempted to object, but even if she had, Helena was already agreeing, undoubtedly so that she'd have a valid excuse to turn Hunnigan down should the other woman make any advances.

 _I hate this crap,_ Hunnigan sighed as she leaned back on the couch. Helena was lying on her back and resting her feet in Hunnigan's lap as Emily and Catnip occupied the front half of the unfolded couch. Emily had hijacked the remote and was channel surfing as Hunnigan read her emails and Helena focused on her phone.

"Can we travel back in time?" Emily asked and it took a while for either one of the adults to get the question. Helena noticed Emily had decided to watch a rerun of _Star Trek Voyager_ and apparently the episode's plot revolved around time travel.

"Uh, you wanna get this?" Helena asked from Hunnigan, poking the other woman's thigh with her toes to get her attention.

"No, we cannot," Hunnigan answered the original question without even looking up from her laptop. Helena chewed on her lower lip and sighed a little. She felt uncomfortable like she always did when she knew Hunnigan was upset with her.

"Why not?" Emily demanded and Hunnigan inhaled agitatedly. She closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, mentally telling her not to snap at the curious child, it wasn't her fault.  
"Because science, don't question me," she tried dismissing.

"You don't know either!" Emily taunted and to her surprise, the trick actually worked, aunt Iggy fell for it.  
"Okay, look," she began her explanation, moved to sit on the edge of the couch and reached for a pen. Emily climbed to sit in her lap and glanced over her shoulder at Helena, offering her a victorious, devious grin.

 _Cheeky kid,_ Helena chuckled silently as Hunnigan began to draw odd circles and lines which meant nothing to Helena or to Emily.

"In order to go back in time, you would need to go faster than the speed of light, but that's been proven impossible," Hunnigan explained.  
"Why?" Emily repeated and Hunnigan sighed in exasperation, but this time Helena could tell that was an act, Hunnigan was actually enjoying explaining it.

"Because the faster you travel, the slower time goes, so when you reach the speed of light, time stops and so do you. That's why," she finished her mini-lecture.  
"Can I go forward then?"

"Yes, that's possible because of a little thing called time dilation, but I won't explain to you how that works."  
"Because you don't know," Emily tried again, but Hunnigan was onto her little scheme this time.

"I won't tell you because knowing you, you'd escape into the future and I don't want that," she teased.

"With a brain like that, why aren't you working at NASA or something?" Helena questioned. Hunnigan shrugged. Frankly, what she'd explained wasn't something that required a genius-brain to understand and figure out, but she understood it probably would've required anyone to at least take a moment to Google it instead of just explaining it off the top of their head. The joys of having a brain which insisted on storing various mundane tidbits of information. Her parents had always referred to her as the living and breathing encyclopaedia; the other people around her preferred the less sophisticated term "know-it-all".

"Couldn't afford the fancier schools and didn't quite make the cut for a full scholarship, so since my sister didn't spend her incentive money on my education..." she trailed off with a smile.  
"I am going to go take a shower, so you're in charge of answering any follow-up questions Emily might have," she then smirked and began to get up after easing Emily off of her lap.  
"Don't ask me anything, I'll ruin your perception of the world," Helena told the girl.

When Hunnigan returned from the bathroom a long while later after having decided to take Shannon's advice (and realized she herself had been correct, it had been disappointing and bitter at best, caused more agitation than relief if she was frank) and after dressing, she had to pause at the bedroom door when she heard Helena and Emily chatting. Apparently Emily had requested to sleep with them rather than stay on the couch with Catnip like she usually did. As much as she loved Catnip (they'd been best friends ever since Emily had been a baby and Catnip had practically adopted her), the dog's presence alone wasn't enough to help her get to sleep.

"I miss my dad," Emily confessed quietly and Helena nodded.  
"I understand that, I miss mine occasionally too."

"Where's your dad?"  
"Probably the same place as yours," Helena smiled ruefully.

"What happened to your dad?" Emily asked and Helena sighed a little. She figured Emily was past the age where you thought death was a temporary condition, that you could just wake someone up. Especially after what she'd seen happen to Ethan... not that Emily had ever specifically explained in detail what she had seen exactly. As Helena thought back, she recalled the girl had been hiding under the table and it was unlikely she'd seen the worst of it from that angle, and then Shannon had picked her up and prevented her from looking.

"Uh, well..." Helena began, trying to figure out how the hell was she supposed to explain this. Explaining death by natural causes or disease was difficult enough, how was she supposed to explain that her parents had fallen victim to a senseless, random act of violent murder by one nutjob who believed he was doing God's work? Sometimes she didn't think even she understood it herself despite all the time that had passed since.

"What are you guys still doing up, can't you see Catnip is all exhausted?" Hunnigan decided to interrupt and stepped into the room. Catnip tilted his head to the side at hearing his name mentioned.

 _Thank you_ , Helena mouthed and Hunnigan nodded.

 _So, this is what it feels to have a Pandora's box of shit I never wanted to think about opened up against my will. Difference being Emily did it by accident... unlike me when I went poking at Hunnigan's past,_ Helena then realized when all the old emotions of confusion and anger mottled with desperation and sorrow began to slowly bubble to the surface. It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

"I want to sleep here!" Emily informed her aunt and dug herself underneath the blankets before Hunnigan had a chance to possibly object.  
"Okay, but if you wet the bed, you're doing the laundry," Hunnigan teased.  
"As if I would wet the bed!" Emily scoffed.

A few moments later, they were all in the bed, Emily having claimed her spot in the middle, settling snugly between the two women and warming her toes under Catnip's belly as the dog laid at her feet. Hunnigan was already beginning to drift off but was woken rudely by Helena who suddenly started giggling when someone farted.

"It was Catnip!" Emily proclaimed.

"Calm down, it's not that funny," Hunnigan said, but had to chuckle as well. Helena wasn't the laugh-out-loud-type, which was kind of a shame, but based on the rare times she did laugh, Hunnigan had noticed Helena had a very infectious laughter. Catnip grunted a little, but no one could tell if it was his way of denying it was him or shamelessly owning it.


	24. Chapter 24

September 3rd was the day Helena could mark as the day she was so flabbergasted you could've knocked her over with a feather.

"Shannon's invited me to her housewarming party?" Helena repeated, her eyes wide and her voice rising to a high pitch of disbelief.

"Don't look at me, I'm just as surprised as you are," Hunnigan shook her head. Frankly, "party" was a rather grandiose term for the event, actually it was just a small get-together. Regardless, Helena couldn't help but feel a bit suspicious, like she was being pranked by the popular girls of the schoolyard inviting her to a fake party.

"Maybe she thinks you won't go unless she invites me. Or then she's being sarcastic."  
"Or maybe she's making an effort and actually wants to try to get to know you?" Hunnigan suggested and Helena began laughing so hard she almost inhaled her coffee.

"Eh, never say things like that when I'm drinking or eating."  
"Regardless," Hunnigan sighed, "you'll be there, won't you?"

"Sure, I'll just hang out with Emily at the kids' table," Helena smirked. Frankly, if she was honest, that was something she would've much preferred anyway.

* * *

"...and I told him, 'who am I supposed to go undercover as, Edonia's only Indian woman?'" Samantha said and Hunnigan laughed. Helena chuckled as well, not willing to really show she also found the woman funny, she was desperately trying to hate her guts for getting along with Hunnigan so well... which was stupid, she knew. It wasn't Samantha's fault she was obviously better company than Helena was. As she watched the love of her life interact with another woman on a level Helena knew she herself could never match (because her knowledge and interest toward the subjects the two were discussing were negligible at best), Helena also suddenly understood why Shannon had invited her. She'd wanted her to see how much better Hunnigan did with someone else.

 _That bitch,_ Helena thought venomously and took another sip of her beer as she sat in the corner of the couch, seemingly abandoned by everyone. Even Emily (and Catnip), who had gone to bed despite having been granted an extended bedtime; the girl had fallen asleep in the armchair barely an hour past her usual bedtime. Helena couldn't blame the kid, she couldn't even imagine how boring the adults' discussions must've been to a six year old; even Helena was kind of bored.

She had practically nothing in common with any of these people and she didn't know anyone. This could've been an opportunity to maybe try and make a friend or two, but then again, considering these people were Shannon's friends, they'd already undoubtedly been briefed on Helena's personality by Shannon, who was unlikely to give her a positive review.

Helena wondered if Hunnigan was intentionally ignoring her or if she just didn't notice she was doing it. Sometimes with Hunnigan, it was difficult to tell. She tended to get lost in conversation or in her work or in whatever it was that she happened to be doing, and she'd forget little important things like, say, paying attention to her girlfriend. Now the cause of the distraction was obvious, but Helena couldn't say for sure if Hunnigan was giving her the cold shoulder on purpose or not. Considering how damn difficult the past three weeks had been, Helena was inclined to think that at this point it was intentional.

"I think I'll call it a night," Helena commented and began to get up.  
"What?" Hunnigan frowned and swiveled around.

"I'm gonna go home," Helena said slowly like talking to an idiot.  
"So soon?" Shannon asked, her voice laced with sarcasm more than genuine curiosity.

"Oh, don't even start or I'll punch you in the boob," Helena sneered at her. Considering their fight history, Helena wouldn't walk out of that looking pretty, Shannon had already literally killed her once and just barely a month ago she'd given her the beating of a lifetime. But of course, if those things would've stopped her from trying, her name wouldn't be Helena Harper.

"I'd like to see you try," Shannon laughed heartily. Helena didn't have a chance to comment on that; Hunnigan stood up as well and offered a shrug as if to say that she figured she should be going home too then.

"Naw, you don't have to. Stay, have fun," Helena said with an insincere smile and Hunnigan rolled her eyes, unable to believe that Helena would seriously consider her dumb enough to fall for that. Frankly, everyone everywhere, regardless of gender, should've known never to believe it if their drunken significant other uttered such words, especially if said person happened to be the jealous type.

"I'll call you a cab, excuse us," Hunnigan said and walked outside with Helena before the younger woman had a chance to make a scene.  
"I'm serious, you're having a good time, you should stay," Helena said once they were standing on the porch in the cool Autumn breeze.

Oddly enough it wasn't raining and the sky was clear and a shade of deep blue and purple, dotted with stars that went on forever. The city lights gave the sky further in the horizon their own shade of yellow and orange, but out here everything seemed calmer. Helena was beginning to see the attraction of living away from the city. Then again, knowing herself, she'd go nuts within a month if she suddenly wasn't able to just walk into a store or a coffee shop and would actually have to drive a minimum of half an hour to get anywhere near a store.

"Do you want to tell me what's really bothering you?"  
"No."

"For Christ's sake, Helena."  
"Look, I'm just sulking in the corner and bringing everyone down, so I figured it'd be more fun for everyone if I just went home, you don't need me here," Helena shrugged, accidentally letting the emphasis on "you" slip as strongly as she actually meant it.

"Can't we just try to-"  
"I told you, I just wanna go home. You stay. Enjoy the party, okay? I mean it," Helena said as the taxi pulled up.

"Would you stop being childish about this and just talk to me?" Hunnigan asked as Helena went to the car and sat in the back.  
"Good night," she said, not answering Hunnigan's question and pulling the door shut as she told the driver to go.

"I guess not," Hunnigan answered her own question and sighed in exasperation.

* * *

"Helena?" Leon asked in surprise when he answered the phone.  
"Would you like to hear what happened to me when I was nine?" she opened and Leon stuttered for a moment.

"Have you by any chance been drinking?" he asked then.  
"Yes."

"And in your drunken state you thought of me? I'm honored."  
"You're my new best friend now," Helena said and Leon chuckled softly. She could practically hear him shake his head and make an internal comment about "women".

"So, what did you want to tell me?"

"When I was nine, my parents were murdered, and I hadn't thought about that until Hunnigan's niece asked me where my parents were, and I realized how shitty it feels to have old woulds torn open. I did that to Hunnigan when I kept going on and on about Dean. And I didn't know! You know?"

"...your parents were murdered?" Leon exclaimed, "Oh, man, I had no idea. I'm sorry," he said softly she could tell he meant it. He really was a sweetheart.  
"Don't be. Frankly, people who use their traumatic pasts as an excuse to get away with the way they behave now make me sick."

"Well, not everyone's as tough as you..."  
"No, but that's still not an excuse. So please, don't put me in that category, don't pity me or... Oh, my God," Helena suddenly drawled.

"What?"  
"Gotta go, good talk, thanks!" she said and ended the call abruptly while Leon was still trying to ask her what was going on.

"This is what Hunnigan must feel like," she muttered to herself. She hated the idea of others looking at her with pity because of what had happened. She hated when people treated her like she needed to be protected from the cruel world because she was too fragile due to what she'd gone through. She hated not being considered strong enough.

What Leon had said about not everyone being as tough was true, and likewise some people went through worse things and just walked it off. Then there were those who could've walked it off, but preferred being a victim. Those types she couldn't stand.

"And I've made her feel this way all this time with my fucking idiotic white knight-act, she didn't need that, she was fine! Why am I so fucking stupid?" Helena spat at herself.

"Why do I do this? What is wrong with me," she whimpered and slumped into the bed, not bothering to even undress. One stupid mistake after another followed up by an endless string of apologies that made no difference whatsoever.

 _And I bet my tits and a pack of cigarettes that Shannon is playing Cupid with Hunnigan and Samantha right now,_ Helena thought. The mere idea made her angry and jealous, then angry at herself when she felt she had no right to be jealous. She was the one who kept screwing up to the point where Hunnigan was practically entitled to dump her ass for someone else. Especially if that someone was a person who obviously got Hunnigan the way Samantha seemed to get her.

 _Who am I kidding, even I could see the damn sparks,_ Helena sighed. She turned to lie on her back and crossed her arms over her face.

 _I should go and I should let her be happy with someone else, someone better than me. I'm gonna go, it's the right thing to do and it was about fucking time I did something right,_ she mused and tried to get up but couldn't quite manage. Instead, she ended up sliding over the edge of the bed and just leaned against the nightstand.

"I'll... just rest my eyes for a minute and then I'll go," she mumbled to herself and closed her eyes.

* * *

Hunnigan squeezed the bottle to smear her pizza with salad dressing like she'd witnessed Helena and Emily do on several occasions. Had she been completely sober, she wouldn't have necessarily had the stomach to try it out, but she was a wee bit tipsy and feeling adventurous. Okay, maybe "a wee bit tipsy" was an understatement, she realized when she noticed she'd managed to knock over quite a few things during her drunken stumble into the apartment, and that the noise had been loud enough to wake up Helena... who wasn't a shining example of sobriety herself at the moment despite her little nap.

"Y'know, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be," Hunnigan commented after trying the pizza.  
"Told you," Helena smirked and took a seat at the kitchen table. She'd already forgotten she'd been meaning to run away earlier tonight. She'd even forgotten about Samantha... until now.

"How was the party?" she asked.  
"You should've stayed and found out," Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Helena sighed deeply.

"Can't you just admit that you had a better time after I'd left?"  
"All right, fine. I did have a better time because you weren't there sulking at me for talking to other people, and because you weren't there to cause a scene by leaving in a jealous huff if I had the audacity to do something other than hold your hand, figuratively and literally!" Hunnigan ranted. She inhaled deeply, took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose, already regretting her own frankness.

"Look, Helena... I'm just... I'm done. I am so done with this...constant bickering and awkwardness. I'm done arguing with you, I'm done watching you and Shannon go at each other, I'm just so fucking done with all of this!" she snapped and stood up, pacing back and forth agitatedly, one hand on her hip, the other cradling her forehead in frustration.

"I just want our life back. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit, so... I won't deal with this anymore. If you can't bring yourself to get over what I've told you about my past, then we're done because... I won't do _this_ anymore. If you can, then now would be the time to fucking do it, because... I'm at the end of my damn rope here."

"Is that an ultimatum?" Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan rolled her eyes.  
"Call it whatever the hell you want, but that's how things are and the point we have reached. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed," she then said and marched out of the kitchen, not waiting for Helena's response. The younger woman exhaled deepy after she'd gone and hung her head a little.

She would've wanted to talk to Hunnigan, but what was there to say? Other than once again try to explain how she'd understood the other woman's feelings a few weeks too late? That would be pointless.

 _So that's it, you're giving up?_ her inner voice asked and she was tempted to just agree; yes, she was giving up because she'd fucked up one too many times already.

 _Yeah, run away and forget the woman who made your miserable life worth living for the longest time; the woman who once said you're the best thing in her life, and for some fucked up reason she actually meant it,_ her inner voice continued, and Helena realized the annoyed, sarcastic voice whispering in her head was beginning to sound terrifyingly much like Shannon.

 _That's the only thing you're good for, leaving. You should've tried it sooner, save Hunnigan the hell you put her through recently. But no, as usual, you managed to fuck up even something as simple as that._

Consumed by these thoughts kept turning darker, Helena scuffed into the living room and settled to lie on the couch, having a feeling she wasn't welcome in the bedroom at the moment. She didn't know it, but she was wrong.

"Helena," Hunnigan said, startling the younger woman who'd thought she was alone.  
"Yes?" she asked and sat up on the couch, turning to look over the back of it to see Hunnigan as she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her abdomen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she said and Helena scoffed amusedly.  
"You were right regardless," she shook her head a little.

"Sure, fine, whatever, I'm just sick of having to deal with this same problem every damn day. So, can we actually just do something about it, right now?" Hunnigan asked, beginning to sound more sad than angry at this point.

"I was actually planning on leaving."  
"Well, I guess that's one kind of a solution," Hunnigan humphed.

"Yeah, but it's not what I want. As selfish as it is, I'd rather hold onto you than let you go and... maybe be with Samantha or someone else who'd be better for you," Helena muttered and Hunnigan frowned.

"Sam? What are you talking about, I'm not interested in her and she isn't interested in me either. Just because I get along with someone doesn't mean that I'm planning our wedding in my head!" she rolled her eyes and Helena just sighed and twisted her hands a little as she tried to think of something to say in the uncomfortable situation.

"I know, but... well, you know how I can get, I don't mean to and I don't want to, and I know it lacks all logic... and I'm thankful that you've put up with that too for this long, I just..." she trailed off awkwardly. Hunnigan inhaled deeply and brought her hands up, rubbing her fingers against her forehead as she massaged her temples with her thumbs.

 _Don't get angry, people make mistakes when they're angry... you're not an exception,_ she thought agitatedly and blew out a breath.

"I don't know how to convince you, or if it's even possible to convince you at all. But I'm telling you, there's no one else. No matter how well I get along with them," she said then.  
"I believe you, and I do trust you, it's just..." Helena left the rest unsaid and shrugged, twirling her index finger in a circle by her temple, letting the gesture speak for her.

"I'm sorry," she then said once again and Hunnigan exhaled deeply.  
"Don't apologize. I know you feel bad and I accept that and I forgive you, I know you've never intentionally done anything to hurt me, all right? So... unless there's anything new about the matter..."

"I just wanted to say... I love you and if I could take back any of the shit I caused, I'd do it in a heartbeat, and-"

"That's enough," Hunnigan interrupted gently as she stepped to the other woman and reached to take her hands into her own, "Enough," she repeated softly, lightly tugging on Helena's arms and the younger woman eased into the movement, stood up and followed Hunnigan into the bedroom.

Hunnigan pressed herself against Helena tightly, entwining her fingers with Helena's as the younger woman wrapped her arm around Hunnigan from behind.

"And for the record, if you ever want to leave me, I think I deserve to hear it from you face to face, not find out that you've just ran away," Hunnigan then said.  
"I never want to leave you," Helena whispered.

* * *

Helena leaned her head in the cup of her palm and reached her free hand to softly caress Hunnigan's shoulder and the side of her arm before sliding it over to Hunnigan's abdomen and brought it higher until she reached the soft underside of Hunnigan's breast. She let out a a sleepy, approving hum and pressed herself against Helena tighter.

The younger woman nuzzled into the side of Hunnigan's neck, kissing it lightly and gently at first, then more hungrily, and Hunnigan happily surrendered into the touch. She put her hand over Helena's, urging it lower and Helena eased into the movement, allowing her hand to glide across Hunnigan's abdomen and past her navel.

Hunnigan moved her leg a little to allow Helena better access and the younger woman accepted the invitation without hesitation. She ran her fingers across the sensitive skin, stroking it with gentle pressure for a long while before slowly letting the tip of her middle finger push a little deeper and spread the wetness she'd coaxed from the other woman.

Hunnigan pressed her thighs together then and shifted a little to lie on her stomach, and Helena followed, settling ontop of the other woman and brought her fingers to stroke Hunnigan's clit, slowly and lightly at first, then with more pressure and speed to match the demanding movements of Hunnigan's hips.

She buried her face into the back of Hunnigan's neck, kissing and biting it, flicking her tongue over the salty, bronzed skin. She smiled almost proudly when she felt Hunnigan tense underneath her and when her breaths turned into sharp inhales and moans of pleasure. She came hard and fast, not even attempting to prolong the inevitable or hold back, choosing rather to just ease into the sweet release she'd been longing for.

They stayed like that until the aftershocks slowly ceased and Helena shifted her weight a little so that Hunnigan could turn to lie on her back. She wrapped her arms and legs around Helena then, pulling her back ontop of herself and kissed her deeply and slowly.

"Mornin'," she smiled happily into the kiss, "I take it you're... feeling better?" she then inquired and Helena chuckled softly.

"Right as rain."


	25. Chapter 25

"When I was a kid, I thought that all the decorations were for my birthday," Helena said. Hunnigan chuckled and linked her arm with Helena's, leaning into the younger woman's side as they walked along the quiet street in the chilly evening air, almost all of the houses by now decorated with various Halloween decorations.

"You never wondered why people would decorate their houses with scary stuff for your birthday?" Hunnigan inquired and tugged on the leash a little to encourage Catnip to catch up. He quickly scampered to the women and paced by their side until he found the next interesting thing he absolutely needed to go check out.

"Clearly I was never the sharpest tool in the shed because nope, it never occurred to me to even wonder. Discovering it was actually for Halloween and that I had to share my birthday with a holiday made it less fun though."

"At least you don't have the questionable pleasure of sharing your birthday with Mister Jesus of the Christ family, so you are not allowed to complain," Hunnigan scoffed amusedly.

"Well, now that I think about it, that certainly explains your saintly and forgiving nature," Helena jested.  
"Mm, and if the temperature drops enough for the lake to freeze, I'll show you how I walk on water," Hunnigan promised and Helena laughed softly.

"I love you, Hunnigan."  
"I love you too. So, what do you want for your birthday?" she then asked.

"To cover you in whipped cream and lick it off before drinking shots from your belly button."  
"That cannot be hygienic."

"Not the point, Hunny-Bunny."

"Do not call me that," Hunnigan rolled her eyes and Helena snickered. They paused to wait for Catnip who had once again ventured off the street as far as his leash allowed him to. Hunnigan was about to ask Helena to seriously tell her what she wanted when a flake of snow landed on the lens of her glasses.

"Oh," she exclaimed softly and looked up. The first snow began to fall slowly in a steady cascade of fluff. Catnip returned to the women, barking and jumping excitedly at the snow flakes as he tried to catch them in his mouth. Helena chuckled at the silly, energetic dog and moved to wrap her arms around Hunnigan's waist before leaning to kiss her gently and slowly.

"There, now we've kissed in the rain, in the sun, in the snow..." Helena then listed as she pulled back.  
"We've kissed in the snow before," Hunnigan pointed out, quirking an eyebrow.

"True," Helena nodded and held up a finger, "but never in the first snow of the year," she clarified.  
"Ah, all right then. Anything else you've been keeping track of?" Hunnigan then inquired.

"The days we've been together," Helena shrugged, "And before you ask, the answer is one thousand, one hundred and twenty-nine days."

"Wow, some people are lucky if their partners remember their anniversary," Hunnigan commented, genuinely amazed, and secretly mentally doing the math. It added up, three years and a little over a month on top. It felt like such a short moment, but at the same time, Hunnigan felt like she'd known Helena for a lot longer.

"What can I say, I'm a romantic," Helena chuckled.  
"So, seriously, what do you want for your birthday?"

"I want... you to come to the game with me tomorrow," Helena said, offering an evil smirk.  
"Why?" Hunnigan groaned.

"Because it's the last game of the season and because it would be a nice experience to share with you."  
"Leon cancelled, didn't he?" Hunnigan narrowed her eyes.

"Yes," Helena admitted.

"Well, you're the birthday girl, so if you insist."  
"Thank you! I was almost about to bring up the fact that you owe me one for dragging me into that boring horse show last week when Shannon bailed on you," Helena quirked an eyebrow.

"Boring!" Hunnigan exclaimed, "And I suppose watching a bunch of roided out men hitting a ball and chasing it is the pinnacle of grade-A entertainment," she taunted.

"It is if you get to experience it live."  
"You could pour warm beer on yourself and block the view with something at home too," Hunnigan teased and Helena sighed, rolling her eyes.

"If you really don't want to go..."  
"I'll go, and I'll enjoy it... Okay, I'll hide my reluctance to be there and disguise it so well you'll think I'm enjoying it."

"There's your romantic streak," Helena said happily and put her arm around Hunnigan's shoulders as they continued their walk in the snowfall.

* * *

"Halloween is supposed to be scary!" Emily said agitatedly after having grown tired of her mother's attempts at talking her into wearing some kind of a princess-costume, when Emily herself already had her heart set on being a zombie. Considering everything the girl had seen and been through recently with real zombies, Shannon wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing she wanted to dress up as one.

"Fine, I give up, be a zombie," Shannon sighed and raised her hands up in a surrender when Emily ventured off to the aisle with the scarier stuff, Hunnigan following behind her.

"How's her therapy been?" Helena inquired as she stayed behind with Shannon and the older woman shrugged one shoulder.

"I don't know. Emily doesn't talk much about it even when I ask, and the shrink doesn't seem to have much to say either. I guess I should consider myself lucky he hasn't called me in a panic after Emily's shown him a disturbing drawing or something," Shannon scoffed.

"Maybe she's... I don't know, I mean, when I was a kid, I was in denial, I was convinced my parents would come pick me and Deborah up any minute, which never happened... for obvious reasons. So... maybe she's in denial of zombies being real."

"So if that's true, then she thinks I stabbed her father in the head just because. Lovely," Shannon commented dryly and Helena sighed. Her attempts at making Shannon feel better were failing rather miserably.

"I think you would have noticed if that were really the case," she rolled her eyes, "I meant that maybe it all just hasn't really sunk in or maybe she's actually gotten over it."  
"Or maybe she's blocked it and it'll manifest eventually as some kind of multiple personality disorder," Shannon said, her voice full of fake and sarcastic cheer.

"I was just trying to-"  
"I didn't ask you to try a God damn thing!" Shannon interrupted in a hiss.

"Everything all right?" Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow as she returned with Emily, the shopping cart filled with various necessities for the girl's upcoming zombie makeup.  
"Ayep," Shannon said nonchalantly, commandeered the cart and headed to the checkout with Emily.

"What did you fight about now?" Hunnigan asked Helena.

"I was just trying to tell her that kids are resilient, I would know... and that Emily will be fine. Apparently my self-proclaimed expertise on the matter was unwanted," Helena shrugged. Admittedly, Shannon had a point; just because Helena knew what it was like to go through something that had the potential to scar you for life didn't mean she could speak for Emily.

The girl hadn't acted out any more than usual, she hadn't done anything that would've implied there was something wrong, or that she'd even gone through something as disturbing as a zombie outbreak. Frankly, that troubled Shannon more than acting out would've. At least she would've had an explanation for fits of anger or sadness. She didn't even dare to speculate what could cause a child to behave normally after something like that. Either she had remarkable abilities when it came to healing from traumatic events, or then she just didn't care... which was, frankly, the disturbing option.

"I'm worried about her," Helena said.  
"I am too, but as you said, Emily's a tough kid."

"No, I meant Shannon. I don't think she's dealt with any of this," the younger woman murmured and Hunnigan nodded.  
"I've noticed it too. Frankly, I think the zombies were a bigger shock to her than to Emily."

"How did you react, when you first found out?" Helena inquired.

Hunnigan hadn't thought much of it, if she was honest. Prior to being transferred to what had later become the D.S.O. she'd worked as a 911 dispatcher, and during those couple of years she'd heard it all from cat ladies calling about their pet being stuck in a tree to having to listen to someone freak out when their apartment was being broken into... or worse, listen to people get hurt or killed. That part of her job still remained the same. She'd lost track of how much death and destruction she'd seen and how many field agents she'd lost. Everyone had their nightmares and ghosts, these were hers.

By the time she'd been hand-picked to work as an intelligence liaison for the teams investigating cases that officially didn't exist, and when she'd been told the truth about the Raccoon city incident, she had barely flinched.

"At that point I'd already seen pretty much the worst of what people were capable of doing to each other, so it's the 'normal' people that scare me the most. I think I was more fazed by the realization of how deep all these conspiracies actually reach and how well they're covered up when considering their scale. And considering that Shannon's dedicated her life to serving this country, I think she's more upset about our involvement in all this rather than the bioweapons themselves," Hunnigan explained and Helena nodded a little. It made sense.

"I'd want to try and talk to her. Would it be okay if I did that and you took Emily trick or treating without me?"  
"I doubt Shannon will talk to you. And Emily will be disappointed."

"Yes, but if the girl hates me for something, that's guaranteed to cheer Shannon up, and if that isn't enough, she can always just kick my ass again," Helena shrugged with a smile.  
"Good thinking," Hunnigan chuckled and looked at Helena for a long moment.

"What?" the younger woman frowned as they headed toward the checkout. For a while she thought Hunnigan was giving her a glare for picking up a bag of snack sized Mounds (which Hunnigan had repeatedly mentioned hating because she couldn't stand the smell or texture of coconut), but to her surprise, Hunnigan was smiling.

"Shannon's never been anything but mean to you, and still you want to try and talk to her and make sure she's okay."  
"Told you I'm a sweetheart," Helena smirked, her voice laced with a hint of sarcasm and Hunnigan laughed softly.

"You _are._ You really are."

* * *

Contrary to what had been Helena's original plan, she'd ended up going back to the city with Hunnigan, Emily and Catnip. She'd spent a while escorting Emily around the neighborhood with Hunnigan before sneaking away, promising Emily she'd be waiting for her at Shannon's house, that she had to go back and talk business with her. Emily had reluctantly agreed not to throw a fit, but she'd also said Helena wouldn't be getting any of her candy because she didn't deserve it after abandoning the mission.

Shannon was just about to light a cigarette when she saw the familiar black 1987 Pontiac Firebird drive up to the house. Cursing internally, she sighed and put her hands on her hips.

"What?" she spat when Helena walked up to the porch.  
"Can I bum one of those?" the younger woman asked, pointing at Shannon's pack of Marlboro's.

"With the money you spent on gas just to drive up here you could've bought a pack of your own," Shannon said but tossed the cigarettes to Helena regardless.  
"Nobody ever really quits," Helena said, inhaled the smoke and exhaled slowly. She hated to admit it, but she'd missed smoking.

"Why are you here?"  
"I wanted to talk to you."

"Even you're not stupid enough to think that I'd want to talk to you unless I have to, so... get lost," Shannon scoffed, put her cigarette out and went back inside.

"You have to talk to somebody!" Helena called out after her and for a fraction of a second, Shannon paused. Instead of slamming the door shut and locking it, she left it ajar behind her, and Helena smiled at the angry and subtle invitation.

After having smoked the cigarette she'd bummed, Helena entered the house and circled into the kitchen. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Shannon.

"What the hell are you doing!" she exclaimed and snatched the needle from the other woman.  
"I could ask you the same fucking thing!" Shannon frowned.

"For fuck's sake, I know things aren't exactly peachy, but drugs, seriously?" Helena hissed furiously and Shannon burst into laughter. Helena deadpanned at her reaction... and then a little more because she realized it was a genuine, hearty laugh; the kind Helena had never heard from Shannon before. She'd only ever received the sarcastic, mocking laughs.

"I appreciate your concern, but if you really want to help me, give me back my estrogen, dummy," Shannon said and held out her hand.  
"Your..?"

"Obviously it's not drugs, for fuck's sake, who the hell would inject drugs into their thigh?" Shannon rolled her eyes and shook her hand impatiently, still expecting to have her property returned to her. Helena gave the needle back and Shannon sat back down and proceeded to finish taking the injection before pulling her jeans back up.

"I had no idea," Helena said slowly.  
"Good, you're not supposed to have," Shannon scoffed, "The fuck are you staring at?"

"What I'm assuming is the result of some very expensive treatments, but actually I was trying to imagine you as a male, and I just can't picture it."

"Do I have to beat you again?" Shannon threatened and Helena chuckled.  
"No, I don't think my ego could stand another round."

"Then stop being an annoying idiot and tell me what the hell are you doing here," Shannon said, stood up and went to pour herself a drink. She didn't offer Helena one and the younger woman was actually grateful for that, even though she was certain Shannon had done it just to be a bitch.

"I just wanted to ask how you're doing," Helena shrugged.  
"I believe I've made it abundantly clear that I don't like you, so what makes you think I want to sit here, chit-chatting with you about how I'm doing?"

"Because you can hate me all you want, but the truth still is that I'm the one who understands you the best."  
"I may not look like it, but I'm dying of laughter on the inside right now," Shannon commented and Helena sighed.

"I know what it actually feels like to lose practically everyone you love. You lost Ethan, Ingrid got hurt pretty badly, you're worried about Emily... I get it. But you haven't lost everything, and I'd hate to see you give it all up just because you refuse to talk about what's wrong to the point of becoming such a fucking bitch that everyone just walks away," she said and Shannon chuckled ruefully.

"And all I ever wanted was for _you_ to walk away."  
"Can't you just... seriously give me a chance? I know I've made mistakes, but I own up to that, and believe it or not, I've actually learned from them too."

"No, you've made an unforgivable amount of unforgivable mistakes, and I don't understand how or why Ingrid is still with you. I don't give a fuck about your personal growth; as far as I'm concerned, you're a screw-up and Ingrid could do better."

"I agree, she could, easily. But she could do a lot worse too, and you know that," Helena quirked an eyebrow. Shannon exhaled deeply. She hated to admit it, but Helena was right about that.

"You wanna know how I'm doing? Fine, I'll tell you. Emily's distanced herself from me and spends practically all of her free time with you and Ingrid. I miss Ethan. My friends don't know how to talk to me anymore because of what happened. My parents don't... well, as far my father's concerned, I've been dead for over a decade and my mother has to sneak around him if she wants to talk to me without him losing his shit over her having the audacity to speak to the abomination of the family, and on top of it all... my sister, the one and only person who's never turned her back on me, seems to be too busy trying to deal with the shit you stir to take five minutes to hang out with me. So I'm doing pretty fucking poorly. And I swear to God, if you say something stupid like how it'll get better, I'll shoot you right there," Shannon hissed, emptied her glass in a single gulp and slammed it onto the table then.

"I said I wanted to listen, not talk, I have no intention of saying anything," Helena shook her head slowly.

"What really hurts the most is realizing that nobody likes me best. Not my parents, not my friends, not even my own daughter," Shannon said through clenched teeth, angry tears rising to her eyes. Helena went to her and was about to hug her when Shannon stood up so quickly her chair fell over, and gripped the front of Helena's shirt.

"Keep your fuckin' hands-" she began to say.  
"What the hell are you doing?" Hunnigan's outraged voice inquired from the entrance to the kitchen. Emily looked quite confused as well, a deep frown on her young features. Shannon froze.

"Practicing," Helena said, slipped her arms up and shoved Shannon's hands off of her, "And that's how you break free from a grip. There, basic self-defense," she acted, as if she needed to teach that to Shannon. Emily was convinced, which was enough for Shannon.

"Thanks, I'll remember that," she muttered and turned her attention to Emily, proceeding to check up on the girl and ask her how her round of trick or treating had gone. Judging from the way her bag was bulging, she'd brought back quite an impressive amount of loot.

"You were right, I apologize and I don't know why I didn't believe this would happen," Helena rolled her eyes at the obvious "I told you so"-look on Hunnigan's face.

"Well... it was still sweet of you to try. Now... come on, birthday girl, we've got to celebrate you turning quarter of a century," Hunnigan smiled and Helena chuckled softly.

"Even when you put it like that, I don't feel like an adult," she said and headed over to say good night to Emily before leaving.

* * *

The one thing Helena really wanted for her birthday was to spend some quality time with Hunnigan, just the two of them, and Hunnigan was happy to oblige. Ever since returning to duty, Helena had been deployed to several locations across the country to investigate leads and interview people. The deployments usually lasted a day or two at least, and when she finally got back home, it felt like she'd barely had a chance to say hello to Hunnigan before she was already packing a bag and getting ready to go again.

Tonight, Hunnigan had confiscated Helena's phone and switched hers off too, telling the F.O.S. agent covering for her to come get her personally if they absolutely needed her tonight. Besides, if things got bad enough, she'd notice something was up if she just looked out the window.

They lied on the couch, Helena spooning the other woman, gently stroking Hunnigan's abdomen with her fingers as the women continued their _I love Lucy_ -marathon. Hunnigan smiled and hummed approvingly when Helena moved her hand in a long stroke and paused to caress the side of Hunnigan's thigh before running her hand over the other woman's buttock and then up her back, over to her side and thigh again, repeating the pattern slowly.

"Ingrid... Renée... Hunnigan," Helena said and leaned in to plant a series of gentle kisses onto the back of Hunnigan's neck, pausing her words inbetween the kisses.  
"Am I in trouble? Because the only time anyone ever uses my whole name it's when I'm in trouble," Hunnigan teased. Helena chuckled but ignored the taunt.

"Will you marry me?" she asked.  
"Do I have to say yes because it's your birthday?"

"Well, that is the tradition," Helena smirked.  
"Why do you keep asking me that, why do you want to get married?" Hunnigan frowned and turned around to face Helena.

"Why does anyone want to get married?" she shrugged one shoulder.  
"...to get out of having to testify against each other in court because things said between spouses is privileged?" Hunnigan offered and Helena rolled her eyes.

"Because I'm so fucking in love with you. Because I want you all to myself and I want it in writing. Because we've been to hell and back together already... and because, now that I think about it, Ingrid Renée Harper sounds so good that you were clearly meant to marry me."

"What makes you think I'd take your name?" Hunnigan scoffed amusedly.

"I can't very well take yours, Helena Kathryn Hunnigan just doesn't sound right," the younger woman explained and Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"And the idea of both of us just keeping our own last names even after marriage is somehow impossible for you to accept, I presume?" she inquired then and Helena gasped.  
"Is that a yes?"

"I didn't say that..!"  
"Well, could you?" Helena pouted and Hunnigan chuckled. She leaned to kiss the younger woman gently and Helena knew she wouldn't get an answer out of Hunnigan. Or that she wouldn't necessarily like the answer.

"I'll sleep on it," Hunnigan offered, her tone too light for her to have been serious about it.  
"You do realize I will just keep asking until I wear you down and you say yes," Helena teased as Hunnigan turned to lie on her other side, facing away from Helena again and focusing on the show.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Hunnigan chuckled softly.

"Why _don't_ you want to get married?" Helena asked and Hunnigan sighed a little. She didn't really have a single reason for her hesitation or reluctance, it didn't exactly make sense. She already shared her bed, the household (and once, accidentally, her toothbrush), her entire life with Helena; the only thing that would change would be that it would get a little bit harder to just walk out.

 _Is that it, am I expecting to walk out?_ Hunnigan frowned as she thought about it. Realistically, that was and would always be a possibility, but at the same time, she couldn't think of anything that would cause her to seriously want to separate from Helena permanently. As she'd said, they had already been to hell and back, there were no more secrets between them. Nowadays the only things to fight about were the chores and the stupid arguments they tended to get into because Helena could get so jealous so easily, especially when they didn't have much time to spend just with each other. So no, that wasn't it.

"I'm..." Hunnigan began slowly as the answer became clearer, "...worried about what would come after."

"What do you mean?" Helena frowned.  
"Well, isn't marriage, a house with the white picket fence and a couple of kids the way things usually go, and in that order? So, if we got married, the next thing I know, you're telling me you want the rest."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Helena grinned, her tone joking, but not quite convincing. Truth was, she had thought about it more than she dared to admit to Hunnigan, especially now that she was painfully aware of her reluctance.

"It wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but I don't know if... I just don't know. Is that what you want?" Hunnigan asked quietly, turning to look at Helena over her shoulder, and Helena cleared her throat a little. Yes, yes it was.

"Well, I mean... yeah, kind of," she said, trying to sound nonchalant about it. Hunnigan merely nodded a little, not commenting on the matter. Helena wasn't sure if it was good or bad that she didn't say anything.

"I, uhm... I don't want to you to feel like I'm putting pressure on you, that's not my intention, I'd just want to talk about it with you, seriously. And if you don't want it, then I'll leave it alone," Helena said awkwardly.

"How would that be fair for either one of us? If we can't agree on it, one of us is forced to do the opposite of what we want."

"Okay, look..." Helena began and sat up slowly. Hunnigan turned to lie on her back and rested her legs in Helena's lap as the younger woman reached to take her hand into her own and gently caressed her palm as she tried to find a way to word her thoughts.

"I always wanted kids at some point. I know I don't come across as she motherly type, quite the opposite if I'm honest, but... And you know I love Emily like she were my own, but it's not the same. I... I do want that, the whole nine yards, and I'd want it with you. I realize you don't feel the same way about it, but I was hoping we could at least talk about it."

"I haven't said a definite no to any of it, but I admit those things were never on my bucketlist."  
"Yeah," Helena whispered, looking almost as disappointed as she felt. Hunnigan sat up and leaned closer to Helena, nuzzling into the side of her neck.

"Just... let me think about it, okay?" she said softly.  
"You would do that?" Helena asked, genuinely surprised and Hunnigan smiled.

"Of course. But I'm telling you right now that if we do end up going the whole nine yeards, you will be the one who carries the baby."  
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Helena chuckled.

"Oh, you say that now, but just you wait until the heart burn, the morning sickness, the bloating, the mood swings, and having to run in the bathroom every five seconds, and, oh, the fun part where you squeeze a tiny human being through your flesh and bone and it tears everything in its way," Hunnigan told the horror story that was the less glorified side of pregnancy and childbirth, and Helena silenced her with a soft kiss.

"The thought of an adorable tiny version of me running around would make it worth the effort alone," Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan deadpanned.  
"Good Lord, I don't think the world could handle two of you."

"Hm, well, since it's unfortunately necessary to have to involve another person, namely the donor, in the process, I'm sure his contribution would dilute my awesomeness to levels the world could withstand," Helena smirked.  
"Oh, yeah, trying to find a decent donor we both agree on would be fun for sure," Hunnigan drawled sarcastically.

"We could just ask Leon."  
"He'd have a heart attack."  
"Or, alternatively, we'd have a child who crashes anything he or she tries to drive."


	26. Chapter 26

Helena was terrified. Right now she would've rather been anywhere but here, she wouldn't have even minded being surrounded by a horde of bloodthirsty zombies or other horrible creatures. At least she would've known how to deal with them and had the means to handle the situation. It was funny and sad; she could face practically anything unnatural and barely flinch, but this... this was when she felt genuinely scared.

"Ready?" Hunnigan asked.

"No," Helena answered honestly as they sat in the car that was parked in front of Hunnigan's parents' house. If half of the horror stories she'd heard of Hunnigan's father from Shannon were true, the man would undoubtedly tear her head off. The man was bound to be in a mood already since he'd gotten into an argument with his wife and daughter regarding Shannon. Had it been up to him, she wouldn't have been invited either. Helena was beginning to think Shannon had offered to come over for Thanksgiving dinner just to make it even harder for Helena, it was so something she'd do.

"Just don't look them in the eyes, keep your head down and roll over to show you're submissive, and you'll be fine," Hunnigan teased and Helena scoffed amusedly.

"I'm probably just making a big deal out of this, I mean... it's just dinner, what could possibly go wrong?" Helena commented dryly and even as she was saying it, she could already hear screaming and explosions as people who didn't normally spend time together, for obvious reasons, were stuck in the same room.

"If all else fails, I'm sure Shannon will use the opportunity to tell everyone we're getting married and that they're not invited."

"Why... just... why?"  
"Why what?"

"Why any of this? Can't we just go back home and pretend there's no one else in the world but us?" Helena whimpered and Hunnigan chuckled softly.  
"Come on, I'll protect you," she promised gently and got out of the car.

Hunnigan had just finished introducing Helena to everyone present (her parents had known of her, but they'd never met before) when Shannon arrived, and Helena had never before been so happy to see her. The focus shifted from her to Shannon and Emily, the child immediately surrounded by enthusiastic aunts who were just dying to pinch her cheeks and tell her how adorable she was. Helena felt sorry for the kid, but was glad she no longer had to be the center of the attention.

The awkwardness was multiplied by infinity when Shannon and her father finally met for the first time in over a decade. They stared each other down for a moment and Helena was almost expecting the brawling to start right away.

"Jack," Shannon nodded a greeting.

"Shane," he responded, still refusing to address her with the name she'd picked for herself. Shannon crossed her arms over her stomach and Jack continued mingling with the other guests, ignoring her and pretending she no longer existed, just like he'd done for years. Hunnigan's mother, Noelle, went to Shannon's rescue and requested some assistance in the kitchen, saying she needed to make three different kinds of potatoes because they hadn't been able to agree upon a single kind, and that she could use a hand.

 _No, don't leave, they'll start looking at me if you go,_ Helena begged mentally, but it was in vain. She got lucky; Jack and Noelle's chubby, mackerel tabby wandered into the room and Catnip practically lost his mind. He rushed over to the cat, his intention to make friends, but the cat wouldn't have any of it. Instead of agreeing to be sniffed as a hello, the cat hissed at the dog and proceeded to punch his muzzle with its paw. Luckily for Catnip, the cat kept its claws retracted, but clearly this warning shot was the only freebie Catnip would get; the next time the claws would come out.

Emily hurried to the dog's rescue and picked him into her arms and carried him away from the angry cat, the confusion obvious on the dog's face. Helena decided to busy herself with the two of them rather than just stand there and headed to sit with Emily and Catnip in the corner of the couch.

"I don't like cats," Emily muttered and glared at the tabby who didn't seem to care about its bad reputation, instead it sat perched on the end of the railing by the stairs, looking around the room like a king or a queen would study their kingdom.

"Yeah, cats can be jerks," Helena whispered. Hunnigan glanced over to check up on them and Helena nodded a little in a silent "I'm fine", and the older woman smiled. She pointed at the kitchen, indicating she'd head over there and Helena nodded again, deciding to stay put with Emily.

"What's up, Emmibear?"  
"Upstairs?" Emily offered and Helena chuckled at the cheeky child.

"Y'know, Christmas is right around the corner, have you started making a list for Santa yet?"

"I would want a pony, but mom said we don't have room for a pony anymore at the new house and that we don't need a pony because we already have two horses, but she doesn't understand that I can't ride a horse alone, my legs are too tiny!" Emily explained and Helena nodded seriously as she listened.

"When I was a little girl, I thought ponies grew up to be horses," she confessed.  
"That's just silly," Emily giggled.

* * *

So far everything had gone better than expected, as far as Helena was concerned anyway. The more people bickered over things that had been said in a fit of anger twenty years ago, the better; she was beginning to feel practically invisible in a good way. She'd just need to make it through another hour or so and she'd be fine. Of course, that would've been too easy and was clearly too much to hope for.

"Ingrid, is that an engagement ring?" one of the aunties (Helena had already forgotten which one) asked after having taken a long moment to stare at Hunnigan's hand and compare the ring to the one Helena had, and deemed them similar.

"I, uh... it's..." Hunnigan stammered. She'd been planning on telling her parents probably around the day after the wedding ceremony... which wasn't going to be an actual ceremony as much as it would be just an appointment at the courthouse with a judge and a couple of witnesses... followed by a small and private party with a select few friends. In hindsight, Hunnigan realized it should've occurred to her to take the ring off for the night.

"Yes, yes it is," she admitted reluctantly and Helena swallowed hard when everyone at the table turned to look at her like they were expecting her to confirm it and then start explaining herself.  
"Uh, yeah, yes siree," Helena said awkwardly.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Noelle asked from Hunnigan.  
"Jesus, look at this crowd, is it any wonder she didn't want to tell you?" Shannon interjected and laughed.

"You shut your drunk mouth, Shane," Jack grumbled at her.  
"My name is Shannon, you condescending fucker!" she spat at him and slammed her palm against the table.

"Why does he call mom Shane?" Emily whispered to Hunnigan and she felt a wave of panic ripple through her. Obviously none of this had been planned out properly, it had never even occurred to any of them that this could come up. Explaining to a six year old that mommy was actually aunty who used to be an uncle, and that aunty Iggy was actually mommy... it was not only too much, but also something Hunnigan never wanted to have to explain.

"Grampa Jack is upset because he named your mom Shane and she changed it later, and he doesn't like your mom's new name," Hunnigan said, hating having to tell outright lies and knowing it was a pretty poor lie, but what the hell else was she supposed to say.

"Shane's a boy's name, I would've changed it too," Emily agreed and Hunnigan let out an inaudible sigh of relief. So far so good.

"You can't accept anything that doesn't fit into your narrow view of the world and God forbid one of your kids happens to embarrass you just by existing. There was a time I would've needed you, but you disowned me. How the fuck do you expect Iggy to feel comfortable even telling you about dating another woman let alone marrying her? And then you wonder why people leave you in the dark," Shannon lectured.

"I can speak for myself, you know!" Hunnigan interjected agitatedly.

"Iggy, I love you, but seriously... no, you can't. You never stand up for yourself, and I wish you did," Shannon rolled her eyes.  
"How the hell do you expect me to do that when you butt in every damn chance you get!" Hunnigan snapped.

"Both of you, stop it! This is ridiculous!" Noelle finally interrupted, "Shannon, you may not always agree with me and your father, but you're out of line and being intentionally disrespectful. I raised you better than that."

"Respect is earned, not given. And you didn't raise me, you were busy cleaning or baking or going to church, because _that_ is what really matters in life, isn't it?" Shannon laughed bitterly.

"You know what? I practically hate that woman," she then began and pointed her finger at Helena, who raised her eyebrows and smiled awkwardly as everyone turned their attention to her again.

"But I respect her because she's earned it. She's tough and stubborn... and a bit of an idiot, but I know she'll take care of Iggy. Likewise, I know for sure that she'll need Iggy to look after her too, because as I said, she can be an idiot... but they're good for each other," she said and Helena swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Out of all the people in the world, she'd never expected to hear Shannon say anything positive about her to anyone.

"If it were up to you, Iggy would be alone or with someone who does nothing for her, emotionally or otherwise. Because to you, keeping up appearances is more important than your kids' happiness. These two had every right to keep their plans a secret from you bunch, you would've just tried to ruin it, like you tried with me and Ethan. So fuck you, both, for having the audacity to demand respect when you've done nothing to earn it!" she finished her rant, downed her drink and gestured with her hand. Emily hopped down from her chair, already having learned to interpret her mother's silent cues.

Helena gave a slightly panicky look to Hunnigan and the older woman mouthed something to her while everyone was still busy looking at Shannon as she was leaving in a huff.

 _You sure?_ Helena frowned.

 _Yes, go!_

"I, uh.. I'll drive you guys!" Helena offered hastily and got up before anyone had a chance to say anything to that. She felt horrible for abandoning Hunnigan in this situation, but she tried to take comfort in the fact that Hunnigan had agreed to this.

"Erm... thanks for dinner, it was... nice meeting you," she then said awkwardly as she backed away from the room and literally ran out of the front door.

* * *

Helena looked into the backseat through the rear view mirror and saw that Emily had fallen asleep, resting comfortably against her mother's side, Shannon's arm loosely around the girl's shoulders.

"Thank you," she said.

"You're welcome," Shannon muttered, leaning her elbow to the door and resting her chin in the cup of her hand, "Frankly, I'd had all that bottled up for a while now, so it was a happy coincidence that you needed someone to save your ass by drawing attention away from you... again," she continued with a smirk.

"You're very good at that."  
"I know."

"So... did you mean any of what you said about me?"  
"That you're an idiot, yes."

"You know what I meant," Helena rolled her eyes. She should've seen that one coming. Shannon sighed deeply and turned to look at Helena through the mirror.  
"Ingrid's happy with you. I don't understand how or why, but she is. And that's all I want. So, as far as I'm concerned, you have my blessing."

"Did we just become friends?" Helena smirked.  
"Oh, hell no," Shannon narrowed her eyes.

"So... you wanna tell me what happened with your parents that made you so angry with them?" Helena then inquired and Shannon shrugged. Surely Helena knew by now that it didn't really require a lot for a person to earn the debatable honor of being the subject of Shannon's wrath. Granted, her parents certainly had truly deserved it.

"I came out as gay when I was fifteen and my parents figured they could just ship me off to one of those camps where kids go to be cured from gay," Shannon began.  
"I can't believe those are legal," Helena shook her head.

"I know, right? Obviously that didn't work, so since I came back as queer as I'd always been, my parents kicked me out. I stayed with friends and slept under bridges, you know... the usual. And Ingrid..." Shannon paused for a while to blink away the tears that rose despite her efforts to stop them.

"Uh, she would come find me and she brought me her allowance and food," she chuckled ruefully through tears. If anyone ever had a heart of pure gold, it was Ingrid, that much was for sure.

"That went on until I was old enough to enlist and get hell away from all this. Eventually I met Ethan and... we were happy for a long time. Even after I came to realize I wasn't gay, I was... well, a woman. And even after everything, he wanted to stay with me, and we were good."

"I take it your parents didn't approve of any of that?"

"I called mom once because Ethan talked me into it. We spoke for five minutes and she spent the entire time telling me what the weather was like. I came out as transgender and my mother's reaction was to tell me it had rained the other night, can you imagine?" Shannon scoffed amusedly. She reached to grab her bottle of whiskey, blatantly violating the laws regarding open containers of alcohol in the car, but truthfully, she was hardly the only person in the country who did that.

"I know everyone thinks that I cheated on Ethan, but it wasn't like that. I had my flings, he had his, it was a mutual agreement to ensure we both could get what we wanted. We loved each other and we respected each other, and that was what mattered," she continued then before sipping from the bottle.

Helena nodded a little and decided to take a longer road, she wanted to take full advantage of this moment, of finally having Shannon talk to her like a human being and not just to tell her she considered Helena a loser or worse.

"Sure, it got worse later on, but most of it was good. And then we had Emily... well... Iggy had Emily, you know how it went... Anyway, everything was good. But my point is... had it been up to my parents, I wouldn't have any of this. I'd be married to a gal who'd have no idea that her husband is a woman in a man's body, we'd probably even have a couple of kids who'd resent us because we fight all the time because we're not happy because we're just trying to fit into a mold our parents set for us, and before you know it, we'd be doing the same to our kids, who the hell needs that?" Shannon ranted and laughed bitterly.

"I see what you mean," Helena nodded.

"So... as much as I can't stand you, I'm happy you and Ingrid found each other and that she's happy with you rather than trying to live up to some stupid and outdated standard of what a family is supposed to be like. As your enemy, it pains me to say this, but... you really are good to her," Shannon then said sincerely.

"Thank you," Helena said, having to admit she was a bit moved.  
"Yeah, yeah. And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny everything," Shannon then commented in her usual dry tone and Helena chuckled. Of course she would.


	27. Chapter 27

Hunnigan paused at the kitchen entrance and leaned into the door frame as she watched Helena and Emily fuss around the Christmas tree. She chuckled when Emily theatrically put her hands on her hips and sighed loudly as she rolled her eyes and informed Helena that she was doing it wrong; the ornaments were supposed to be in a particular order, not just randomly scattered all around.

"Oh, I do apologize and I shall correct this mistake immediately, ma'am," Helena bowed her head and began to rearrange the ornaments to the order Emily dictated for her, (glittery, shiny, shimmery, and repeat).

"You're a million miles away," Shannon commented, bumping Hunnigan's shoulder with her own and offered her a drink. Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"I thought you'd given up."

"I can't just stop, the accumulative hangover would kill me," Shannon smirked. Obviously it didn't show to Hunnigan, but the truth was, Shannon really had cut back significantly. She could've told her sister as much, but at the same time, she didn't believe she owed anyone any explanations. Her life, her choices.

"So, what's on your mind?" she then asked instead.  
"I was just... thinking about what Helena said about wanting kids."

"Ah, so she wants them?" Shannon quirked an eyebrow.  
"Yeah, and I said I'd think about it... like... two months ago."

"And lemme guess, you haven't thought about it," Shannon said and took a sip of her drink and Hunnigan chuckled.

"I have thought about it, actually! It's just that thinking about it hasn't yielded any results, I still don't have a definite answer, some days I want to say 'let's do it', the others... I'd rather not. Helena's been surprisingly patient and understanding about it, but I don't think it's fair for me to keep her on hold while I try to make up my mind," Hunnigan muttered as she watched Helena dutifully follow Emily's instructions.

Frankly, if the girl's input hadn't been required with everything, the tree would've been decorated an hour ago. Then again, if any holiday was for the children, it would have to be Christmas, and Helena was only glad to oblige to ensure Emily wouldn't have any reason to think her Christmas wasn't as happy as it could've been under the circumstances.

"...and especially now with the marriage, I mean... what if we'll come to an agreement that'll leave one of us unhappy with the decision, what if she'll end up losing her chance to be a mother just because I said no and we were stuck together already? I don't want to have that kind of a responsibility, and at the same time, I'm not sure I want to take responsibility for a child either, it's a big deal, and all of this is just..." Hunnigan sighed and Shannon chuckled softly.

"Someone sounds nervous."  
"Wouldn't you be?"

"No, I mean, you're not nervous for the reason you think you are. Trust me, I've been there."  
"What are you talking about?" Hunnigan frowned.

"Look, you're a loner at heart and even though you've learned to love having Helena around, you need your alone-time. For as long as Helena's just your girlfriend, you still have the option to walk out and it would be relatively easy even though you are living together; you can't do the same once you're married, and especially not if you have a child with her, you'd be bound to each other one way or another for the rest of your lives after that, whether you want it or not."

"Gee, thanks, that's really helpful," Hunnigan said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She sipped her drink and swallowed the liquid hard, feeling even more nervous as she thought about Shannon's words and realized the older sister was right.

"You've been together for a long time. You've seen each other's wounds, you've put up with a bunch of shit from each other, and you're still together, I'd say it's a safe bet that you will last. You're worried, but you don't have to be, you two are meant for each other, it's so obvious even I can't deny it, and believe me, I've tried. Helena's the one for you," Shannon said, nodding her head a little as she spoke.

Hunnigan turned to look at her in genuine amazement. Shannon let out an amused scoff at the obvious suspicion on Hunnigan's face. Obviously she was expecting Shannon to finish it all off by saying something like "Just kidding". She didn't, not today.

"Don't tell Helena I said that, it'll go to her head and she'll think I wanna be friends, or something," Shannon then added.  
"Yeah, she's the Sponge-Bob to your Squidward," Hunnigan smirked and Shannon laughed a little. It was so true, Helena was the enthusiastic one trying to be a friend while Shannon was the cynical one who wanted nothing to do with Helena... which only seemed to make her more determined to become friends.

"So... have you picked out a dad for the baby yet?"  
"Shannon, I've only just barely decided I even want to do this, what makes you think I'd thought about the dad already?" Hunnigan rolled her eyes and Shannon laughed softly.

"Because I know you," she said and returned to the stove to check on the potatoes. They were done and she poured the remaining water away before reaching for the potato masher.

"Well... I'd want it to be someone I know, because I don't care how thoroughly donors are supposedly screened at cryo banks, I wouldn't risk it. As you said, a child is a lifetime commitment, so it's kind of a big deal," Hunnigan reluctantly admitted and went to give Shannon a hand, offering her the butter and the milk.

"What about that Leon-guy?"

"No, just... no. He's kind of too close, it would be awkward," Hunnigan shook her head, not even wanting to think about it. Sure, Leon was smart and pretty much filled any other requirements Hunnigan could possibly think of, but still... no.

"How about that handsome director of yours, Shepard?" Shannon grinned and threw a stick of butter into the mashed potatoes before pouring some milk over them as well.  
"What is it with your obsession with him?" Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, I wouldn't mind working _under_ him," Shannon said and made a claw with her hand, her gesture accompanied by a little half-growl, half-purr.  
"That is so disturbing I can't even," Hunnigan said and pretended to shudder and Shannon chuckled.

"So, I take it Helena will be the one who carries the baby," she then said and Hunnigan nodded.  
"Yes, living through the acne and morning sickness and the general discomfort of being pregnant once was more than enough for me," she said and Shannon pursed her lips as she finished mashing the potatoes and poured them into the serving bowl.

"Well, then I might have a suggestion," she said.  
"Yes? Let's hear it," Hunnigan said and Shannon turned to face her, spreading her arms to the sides in a silent "ta-dah!"-gesture, indicating herself. Hunnigan frowned and Shannon sighed at having to explain it.

"There's a cryo bank that has a few samples of Shane Hunnigan in storage. I had them frozen before... you know, everything, just in case."  
"That... would be so weird."

"What, I'd be the uncle-daddy-aunty," Shannon shrugged nonchalantly.  
"Yeah, the same way you're aunty-uncle-mommy to Emily," Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and they both chuckled at how fucked up it all really was in a way.

"What a strange family we are," Hunnigan shook her head a little and smiled. She turned back to look at Helena and Emily who were putting the finishing touches to the tree.

Helena picked Emily up and lifted her until the girl could reach to put the star on the top, and when they were done, Helena and Emily took a step back to admire their handiwork and high fived each other.

"I think your future wife being impregnated by me is not even in the top ten of weird shit I've lived through or have seen in our family," Shannon said and Hunnigan had to agree.  
"Can we take a moment to appreciate the... irony of that?"  
"The irony of what?"

"Of you helping your nemesis."  
"I do enjoy fighting her, but I don't think she's my nemesis really. I just love picking on her," Shannon smirked evilly.

"So... in all seriousness..." Hunnigan trailed off slowly.  
"In all seriousness, if you two want to, feel free to use my sample. You know me, and an added bonus, that way you too would be blood-related to the kid."

"And you would understand that even if you're biologically the dad, you're not the father?" Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Shannon chuckled. Admittedly, that might turn out to be easier said than done, but well within the realm of possibility.

"I won't butt in, if that's what you're worried about."  
"I am, and you say that now, but like you said, I know you," Hunnigan narrowed her eyes.

"I'd just be the uncle-daddy-aunty," Shannon said and raised her hand as if taking an oath.  
"You've given me a lot to think about."

"You're welcome."  
"I wasn't thanking you," Hunnigan smirked.

* * *

Once they'd celebrated their Christmas as Shannon's and finished dinner and opening presents, Helena and Hunnigan retreated into their apartment.

"I have one more present for you," Hunnigan said after taking her shoes and jacket off.

"I have something for you too, but just so you know, it's not for Christmas, it's for your birthday. I felt that I should make sure you know the difference," Helena then said and Hunnigan chuckled. She went to the living room and sat down as she waited for Helena to retrieve the gift from the bedroom.

"Now, you're practically impossible to shop for, but I finally figured out what you've been missing," she announced and handed Helena the gift.  
"I'm nervous now," Hunnigan smirked as she opened the present.

"Oh, God, I really did need this, and very much so! Thank you," she said happily as she discovered an automatic eyeglass cleaner in the box. She'd been meaning to get one for as long as she could remember, but she'd always forgotten or just put it off.

"Yeah, you totally did," Helena chuckled. She couldn't even count all the times she'd witnessed Hunnigan grumble about dirty lenses, nor would she ever forget the time she made the mistake of handling Hunnigan's glasses carelessly which had resulted in her greasy fingerprint on one of the lenses, and Helena receiving a surprisingly agitated rant about the matter which didn't seem like a big deal to Helena, but she admitted it was probably only because she'd never had to deal with any of the problems that came with having to wear glasses.

"All right, your turn," she said and leaned to kiss Helena's lips gently before disappearing into the study to get the gift.

"I noticed these were missing from your collection," she smiled as she returned and handed Helena the package. The younger woman opened it happily and revealed a few games she'd mentioned she'd want to try out, but hadn't had a chance to.

"Oh, my God, yes!" Helena said happily. Her hobby had proven to be beneficial for their relationship in an unexpected way. Most people tended to complain when their spouse spent long periods of time playing games; Hunnigan on the other hand took those moments as a good thing, they allowed her the solitude she sometimes needed.

"Enjoy your gaming time while you still have the chance, once the baby comes, you will be stuck taking care of it for at least the next twenty years or so," Hunnigan smirked and Helena paused for a long moment, frowning a little as she tried to decide how to interpret that.

"You mean..?"  
"Yes."

Helena inhaled deeply and sat still quietly for a long moment. Hunnigan was about to question her silence when Helena smiled that giddy and excited smile one could never contain. She then turned to Hunnigan and practically tackled the other woman as she launched herself to hug her tightly and kissed her passionately.

"I love you," she said repeatedly into the kiss.  
"I love you too," Hunnigan smiled and slowly broke the kiss, leaning to lie back on the couch and pulling Helena with her, her arms still around the younger woman.

"Now, we obviously have a lot of details we need to sort through, but... I just wanted you to know that I want this too."  
"I think this is the happiest I've ever been in my life," Helena said quietly and nuzzled into the Hunnigan's neck.

"Likewise," Hunnigan smiled and ran her fingers through Helena's hair. Happiest and calmest, now that she thought about it. The nervousness and the constant back-and-forth about everything was gone, she'd decided, she knew what she wanted... and she was no longer worried about any of it. She'd never felt so at ease in her life. Frankly, she hadn't thought it was even possible, but then again, with Helena, she was constantly learning to do and feel things she'd thought she wouldn't be able to.


	28. Chapter 28

Helena nuzzled the top of Hunnigan's head and wrapped her arms around her from behind as they cuddled on the couch, both of them still nude after the hot bath they'd shared just now. Hunnigan leaned against Helena and pulled the blanket over them, resting her hands on Helena's knees, enjoying the feel of the younger woman's soft, warm body against her own.

"Until I met you, I never imagined I'd be the type who would just enjoy cuddling and doing nothing but being close and just... being comfortable with each other like this," Helena said.  
"I feel the same way," Hunnigan agreed, "So... now that we've decided to have a baby, we should probably talk about scheduling it all? Like when exactly to try and... the donors..." she then continued slowly.

"Well, provided a few details add up... as I think they should, knowing myself... I was hoping we could try it on our wedding night?" Helena suggested somewhat timidly, not quite comfortable admitting she'd been thinking about this for a while now.

"You really are such a romantic," Hunnigan chuckled. Frankly, she felt it was a bit soon, the wedding was scheduled for New Year's eve (to ensure even Hunnigan wouldn't be able to forget their anniversary as easily) which was less than a week away. Then again, there was no point in putting it off, she supposed.

"Okay, so... we'll just have to find a donor then."  
"Uhm... I may have kind of browsed through some and narrowed it down a little," Helena said slowly.

"You..? Oh, Helena," Hunnigan sighed.  
"Don't be mad! I mean, we're gonna do it anyway, I was just pre-emptively looking at some in the hopes of you saying yes, so..."

"I'm not mad," Hunnigan said softly as she caressed the side of Helena's thigh, "Actually... I have a suggestion of my own," she then said. Admittedly, the idea of using Shannon's (well, Shane's) sample did make her feel somewhat awkward, but at the same time, the idea of literally being blood-related to the child made it tempting. She was sure that in the end, that wouldn't really matter either way, but the more she'd thought about it, the more she did want the child to be partly hers too in some way.

"Shannon... she, uh... had some samples frozen before she began her treatments, and... she said that if we wanted to, we could use them."  
"Oh, my God, that is..."

"It's weird, I know...  
"It's brilliant!" Helena spoke over her excitedly and Hunnigan turned to look at her.

"You think so?"  
"Yeah! It's the next best thing to you actually being the dad!"

"And you're not worried about Shannon butting in, trying to parent?" Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow and Helena chuckled.  
"She would strangle me if I tried doing that to her regarding Emily, I think she'd eventually understand that if she tried to claim parenthood over _our_ baby, I'd shove her into a meat grinder," Helena said cheerfully and Hunnigan laughed softly.

"That's horrible, but I understand," she said then.

"So... since we're gonna use her sample... I think I need to know what this Shane-person looked like," Helena then quirked and eyebrow and Hunnigan scoffed amusedly. She didn't need to, but she definitely wanted to. Hunnigan got up and went to open the drawer at the bottom of the bookshelf, dug out a photo album and returned to the warm comfort under the blanket and in Helena's lap. She poked her arms out from underneath the blanket and thumbed the photo album's pages until she was past the baby pictures and offered the book to Helena then.

Shane had been a handsome young man, but Helena admitted, she would've never been able to imagine him as Shannon had she not known better, the similarities in their looks were so minor. The masculine bulkiness was completely gone, the squareness of his jaw and the thickness of his neck also replaced by a feminine, almost swan-like softness. Ironically, he almost looked like the definition of masculine.

 _No wonder their parents were surprised,_ Helena mused.

"So, whatcha think?" Hunnigan finally broke the silence. Helena closed the photo album and put it onto the coffee table.  
"I think we're gonna have a gorgeous baby," she grinned and wrapped her arms around Hunnigan, held her close and kissed the side of her neck.

* * *

 _This certifies that Ingrid Renée Hunnigan and Helena Kathryn Harper were joined in marriage before witness this day, 31_ _st_ _of December 2013._

There it was, finally, in black and white, on paper, in writing. Helena couldn't explain why it was so important to her, but it was. She felt giddy all over as she watched Leon and Claire sign the certificate before handing it over to the officiant who signed it as well and informed them he'd forward the certificate to the appropriate officials and that they'd get their certified copy within a few days.

"So, feel any different?" Leon grinned and hastily took a step forward to photobomb the couple as Claire was about to take a picture. She saw his attempt and shooed him out of the frame.  
"More at ease, because now she's stuck with me... forevaaah!" Helena whispered dramatically and wrapped her arms around Hunnigan from behind possessively just as Claire took a photo.

"That looks pretty accurate," Leon commented at the picture in which Helena appeared to be jumping on Hunnigan who was still completely unaware of her.  
"Come on, be serious now," Claire ordered and they settled to pose for a picture.

* * *

"I, uh... wasn't sure what to get you guys, so I just went with my gut, and my gut told me to buy alcohol, so... Harper, you seem like the type who'd enjoy this," director Shepard began and handed Helena a bottle of bourbon. She chuckled and nodded a thank you as she accepted the bottle which he had decorated with a lovely red bow.

"And Hunnigan... you look like the gin-type," he continued and gave her the other bottle.

"Thank you very much!" she said, "Oh, I'm not sure if you two have been propely introduced, I'm aware you met during the debriefing after the outbreak, but..." Hunnigan then trailed off.

Shannon had once told Helena she wouldn't attend their wedding, and she'd kept her word despite being invited to the courthouse. Instead, she'd offered to have the reception at her house. It made sense, there was more room and if people wanted to spend the night they could. Her one condition had been, however, that Shepard be invited. Hunnigan hadn't told Shannon that she'd planned on inviting him anyway and let her go on thinking she'd gotten her way.

"Yeah, we met, but no, we weren't properly introduced. John Shepard," he said, extending his arm.  
"Shannon Moore," she smiled and shook his hand, "Ingrid, would you give me a hand in the kitchen?" she then said and Hunnigan nodded, following her over.

"Oh, good Lord, I want to impale myself on him!" Shannon whispered when they were alone and Hunnigan made a face.  
"I could've lived without that mental image," she said and pulled out a tray of crusted chicken bites from the oven while Shannon went to grab the rest of the hors d'œuvres she'd assembled earlier.

"Please tell me he's single," Shannon then said and Hunnigan sighed.  
"I really don't know, you're on your own with this," she said and headed to the living room with the tray. She shooed Catnip who eagerly stretched his neck to try and see what he was missing out on. Helena caught Emily feeding him a chicken bite and she quirked an eyebrow at the girl who merely pressed her index finger over her lips in a "shhh"-gesture, and Helena chuckled.

"All right, so... Don't worry, I don't have a long boring speech prepared. I just wanted to say thanks for coming and thanks for making this all possible, because if it weren't for you all, I don't think we'd all be here today, so... thanks!" Hunnigan said and raised her glass, everyone in the room following her example before sipping their drinks.

"Okay, so... as they say; eat, drink and be merry," she then encouraged with a chuckle.

* * *

It was getting late and the party began to wind down. Emily had offered to dogsit Catnip for the evening and Hunnigan had gladly agreed to let the dog stay. Shannon excused herself for a moment to go tuck the girl in as Leon and Claire began to leave.

"Thanks for having us," Leon smiled and hugged Hunnigan and Helena before heading toward the door.  
"Thanks for coming, I'm really glad you could both make it," Helena smiled.

"Wouldn't have missed it! I'll send you the pictures I took soon," Claire promised and Helena nodded.  
"Thank you," she smiled, "Good night!"  
"Night!"

"Uh, yeah, I think I should go too," Shepard said slowly.  
"You don't have to," Shannon said as she came back downstairs, her voice merely a husky murmur.

"Well, I, uhm... I _am_ off-duty for the next couple of days, so I don't have an early morning," Shepard smiled.  
"Right, okay, actually, _we_ should go," Helena cleared her throat a little, eager to get home and away from the odd situation she was witnessing between her boss and her sister-in-law.

"Don't forget your package, it's in the study," Shannon said, her words directed at Helena, but her attention still on Shepard.

"The what?" Helena deadpanned and Shannon sighed.  
"The tank, meathead," she rolled her eyes.

"Oh! Right! Sorry, excuse me," Helena realized and hurried over to grab it, returning a moment later with what looked almost like a regular thermos.

"Thanks for everything," Hunnigan smiled and hugged her sister before turning to head out. Helena knew better than to expect a hug, so she just said goodnight and offered a tiny wave as a goodbye.  
"Have fun," Shannon chuckled.  
"You too," Hunnigan winked and closed the door behind her.

* * *

"It says here that you have to warm it up to body temperature, so you need to hold onto it or put it under your arm or something," Hunnigan read the instructions from her phone.  
"Okay, hand me the vial," Helena said, reaching her arm out and wiggling her fingers.

"I ain't touching that, it's my brother's junk," Hunnigan said.  
"So, wait, I have to do this myself?" Helena exclaimed, sounding almost outraged at that.

"Well, yeah, sort of," Hunnigan confirmed and Helena sighed deeply.  
"But that's not... I mean, come on! It's just sperm! And it's not like you'd be touching it per se," Helena said, took the vial from the table where it had been thawing and held it up. Hunnigan made a face and shuddered, the gesture genuine and not an exaggerated act for getting her point across.

"In today's episode of 'Things I never thought I'd say', put the sperm down," she said then when Helena stepped toward her slowly and menacingly, her intention to make Hunnigan touch the vial.  
"Make me."

"I'm serious, quit dicking around, it isn't a toy," Hunnigan said and retreated.  
"Oh, I don't know, I'm having fun with it," Helena said and made a lunge forward. Hunnigan yelped and climbed over the couch to put some distance between herself and Helena.

"Are you seriously going to chase me around with that thing?" she hissed.

"Well, it's not how I'd imagined we'd be spending our wedding night, but yes, if I have to," Helena snickered.  
"Knock it off..."

"Come on, it's not like you'll be touching the stuff, you'll be holding the syringe, and it'll be, uh... a magical, wonderful moment that'll change our lives and we did it together and... it'll be great," Helena trailed off awkwardly.

Hunnigan let out a defeated sigh and hung her head a little.

"Fine, prepare the syringe and get your legs up," she commented dryly.  
"Oh, you romantic schemer you, I'm getting excited already," Helena said, narrowing her eyes a little before turning around and heading back into the kitchen to get the syringe.

"It does say here that it would be good if you were, apparently it would make the conditions more favorable for the sperm," Hunnigan read off her phone, "It also says it would be helpful to have an orgasm," she added.  
"Oh, really?" Helena quirked an eyebrow as she emerged from the kitchen and moved toward the bedroom. Hunnigan put the phone away and followed her.

"Don't look at me, it said it's supposed to happen after the insemination, and as we've established, I do not have any intention of making contact with the stuff, so you're on your own," she said, shaking her head a little. Helena chuckled and put the vial and the syringe onto the nightstand.

"Well, you could help me get started," she grinned, put her arms around Hunnigan's waist and pulled her close.  
"I could do that," Hunnigan agreed with a smile and eased into Helena's movement as she younger woman pulled her onto the bed and ontop of herself. She kissed Hunnigan gently and deeply, unable to keep from moaning softly into the kiss before slowly breaking it and resting her forehead against Hunnigan's. She sighed happily and caressed Hunnigan's cheek, tilting her head back a little then to be able to look into her eyes.

"...you ready for this?" Hunnigan asked quietly and Helena nodded.  
"Let's make a baby."


	29. Chapter 29

After months of feeling like calling bullshit on every pregnant woman who had ever said they felt "just radiant and wonderful" during pregnancy, Helena had been looking forward to just getting this over with and have the baby already. But now that the time seemed to have come, she kinda would've wanted to push it back a few more days.

"Hunnigan, wake up, we have to go," Helena grunted and sat up, shoving the other woman's shoulder to wake her.

"Sorry, the cookie cancelled, only the muffin will be performing," Hunnigan muttered in her sleep. Normally Helena would've taken a moment to chuckle at that or even write it down, but now she was a bit too preoccupied.

"Unless you want me to have the baby right here, you'll get the fuck up and you'll get me to the hospital, and then... some nice nurse will get me some heavy duty drugs and I won't have to murder someone!" Helena hissed through clenched teeth.

It took Hunnigan a few more moments to catch up with what was happening, but once she did, she rushed out of bed. She was on her feet and frantically gathering up items she knew she'd need, repeating her mental mantra "keys-wallet-phone", but forgetting something quite important as she hurried out of the apartment only to return two seconds later after realizing she'd ran out without her wife.

"I never realized you could be such a ditz," Helena managed to chuckle, but her laughter turned into a pained groan as another wave of cramps washed over her and her abdomen felt like they'd squeezed into a tiny ball that was being repeatedly punched.

"Even ice queens lose their cool in situations like this!"

* * *

September 19th 2014, at the crack of dawn, Helena was declared the mother of a healthy baby girl. She and Hunnigan had decided not to tell anyone about it until a day later to ensure the enthusiastic guests wouldn't crowd the hospital room. As they'd predicted, that was exactly what happened when Hunnigan finally sent out the message. Barely an hour later, Shannon and Emily were the first ones to burst in to see them. Had it been up to Emily, she would've brought Catnip along too, but unfortunately for him, he had to wait at home.

Shannon took off her jacket that was soaked from the downpour; last year had been a rainy one, and this year seemed to be challenging it. She pulled up her sleeves and stepped to the bed.

"...can I?" she asked so timidly it was uncharacteristic of her.  
"Of course," Helena smiled and offered her the child. Shannon held the baby with confidence and ease, gently rocking her in her arms.

"Hey, you. I'm your aunt," she whispered.  
"And I'm your cousin, but I'm still gonna be like your big sister!" Emily said, standing on her tippy toes to be able to peek at the baby. There was a soft knock on the door and Leon entered with a teddy bear.

"I wasn't sure what to get, but I figured everyone loves teddy bears... and frankly, I'm not sure if I meant this for you or for the baby, but..." he trailed off and ended up handing the toy to Hunnigan.  
"Thanks," Helena chuckled.

"Claire sends her regards, she had to work. She ordered me to take pictures for her though," Leon then said.

"When are you two just gonna officially get together? You're practically married anyway," Helena teased, knowing perfectly well that Claire was the only subject that could make Leon blush. It worked every time, this time not being an exception.

"I'm working on it," he grinned as he proceeded to fulfill his promise to Claire and took a few pictures of the group occupying the room.

"Since you're both here, I've wanting to ask... well, we've wanting to ask... Leon, Shannon, would be interested in being the baby's godparents?" Hunnigan asked.  
"We're not exactly the religious types, but still, I think godparents like you guys would be nice," Helena added with a nod.

"Of course!" Leon and Shannon said in unison.  
"If they are the godparents, what will I get to be?" Emily pouted.

"The honorary big sister of course," Hunnigan promised and ruffled the girl's hair a little.  
"Oh. Well, that's actually better," Emily said, raising her chin proudly and the adults chuckled at the child's antics.

"Have you decided on a name yet?" Shannon then asked. Helena glanced at Hunnigan who nodded with a smile, silently agreeing it was all right to tell them.

"Rain."


	30. Chapter 30

**Epilogue**

* * *

New Year's eve, 2024.

"Faster, Emmi, faster!" Rain demanded and squaled in delight when Emily quickened her pace running around the house, carrying the girl on her piggyback. For someone who'd grown to be easily over five foot nine tall and quite muscular (despite once upon a time declaring that muscles were for boys), Emily could sure move fast and nimbly. Catnip tried to keep up with the teenager and the girl, his efforts resulting in him having to eventually give up and stop to just pant heavily.

"Hey, calm down, girls!" Shannon ordered, rolling her eyes, having to feel a bit sorry for the old dog as he tried to keep track of his hyper humans.

"Yes, ma'am," Emily and Rain said in unison, as they often did when being told to knock off their shenanigans.

Hunnigan and Helena were getting ready to leave and Emily let Rain down from her back so that the girl could say goodnight to her parents before staying over at her aunt's for the night. Officially, it was Emily's job to babysit, and she'd agreed, quite happily so. She was aware that not a lot of sixteen year olds probably actually liked hanging out with their ten year old cousins, but Emily enjoyed it; doing that gave her an excuse to do childish things she normally wouldn't have gotten away with, like binge-watch cartoons.

"Okay, we're gonna get going or we'll miss the fireworks," Hunnigan then said and leaned down for the usual routine of "hug-kiss-mommy loves you-be good". Rain pretended to squirm a little as if embarrassed to be receiving so much attention and affection, but truthfully she would've missed the hugs and kisses if her parents had one day decided she was too old for it. Helena repeated the same routine with an extra squeeze (as she always did) before saying good night and heading back to the city.

* * *

"Happy tenth anniversary," Hunnigan smiled as they sat on the roof deck with a blanket wrapped around them. They weren't the only ones there as every tenant in the building had access to the roof deck, but they'd managed to occupy a relatively private corner, and most of the others were, surprisingly, considerate enough not to intrude.

"Happy tenth anniversary," Helena said and leaned to kiss Hunnigan gently before putting her arm over her shoulders and pulling her close, resting her cheek against the top of Hunnigan's head and sighing happily.

"Who would've thought, huh? All this just because I invaded your personal space under your umbrella," Helena mused and Hunnigan chuckled a little as the fireworks began to go off, coloring and dotting the horizon extending over the city.

"I'm so glad it rained."

* * *

 **End**


End file.
